An issue with an unforthcoming Expository Writing tutor

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Cyanide, if she didn't notice me anymore like she doesn't notice the other tutoring center students that she's never had, then I will have no problem with that.
(Also just so long as she doesn't spread any slander nor defamation about me either.)

As long as she keeps jerking her head in the other direction, and making any disdainful abrupt movement the moment I show up, pretending not to get bothered by it is about as hard as pretending not to feel something wrong when an arrow impales my chest. See the video:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOpt5_14ii4[/youtube]

I wouldn't say this. Based on what you've said, I see no chance you'll ever have a normal cordial relationship with this girl. For whatever reason, it's over.




Your statement seems to imply that two persons must move on simultaneously. The converse would be "How can she possibly move on if you won't?" If you want to move on, stop looking at her. FOREVER. Make it a game. If you look, you lose.



You're obsessing. NTs (particularly females) find this creepy and threatening. You need to find a way to stop.



It's not telling her about AS. It's continuing to pester this girl after she's made it clear your relationship is over. That's the creepy part.



People only do that in (bad) movies. The reaction is more likely to be "Oh, so you've got a mental disorder - that's why you're creepy! Ok, go away now!"

What relationship, t0? She was just a tutor for some expos class. Everything sounded like business as usual until the last day.

Why don't you think time will heal this wound, t0? Whatever happened to "time heals all wounds?"



Do you think she is that narrow-minded and as immature as a middle-schooler? She's a college tutor; what kind of college tutor would ever be that immature?
(And if it turns out that she is indeed that closed-minded & immature, I could just publicize her online in retaliation; make her realize that the way she treats people will end up embarrassing her. Deep down, I hope it won't come to that.)

Regardless, if the tutoring center manager doesn't deal with this adequately enough, I can just visit the uni's counseling center and... (ah, you know the rest.)



If someone gets hit with a bow-&-arrow, would you call howling in pain "obsessing?" Would you call asking for help and to help them remove the arrow "obsessing?" Do you expect anyone who gets hit by an arrow to shrug it off like a small grape juice stain on a T-shirt? I want to bet that no similar situation has ever happened to you.

Maybe I should do the following to escape the whole hardship

For a while, I've considered taking anti-aging supplements, anything inexpensive enough at all to make me look younger. If I looked younger than I do now, more tutors and others would (hopefully) cut me some more slack and forgive me more easily because they'll automatically not expect too much from me anymore. (As long as they don't know my true age, that is.)

Garrett Fine told me once that "People have certain expectations for you." (For each other, really) "...And that if you don't meet their expectations, it's quite a crash." That's when I wanted to start looking younger through any cheap way I could find. I looked at buying Fracora collagen drink ( http://www.fracora.com ) but that was too pricy and not in stores, so I took something more generic for a while. (I need to find collagen-based supplements again back in America.)


I've put off graduating college because I wanted to feel ready to be an adult. Now I know even more firmly that I'm not (socially) ready to be a college student.

Yes, I can understand how that's annoying, but you need to deal with it. If she's not slandering you now, she probably WILL if you keep pestering her. It's okay to be bothered by it, but don't do anything about it, trust me. In High School I had a situation with my ex-girlfriend. I wanted closure, and I overstepped her boundaries to try and get it. All I accomplished was getting in trouble and making myself look bad. Since she makes you that angry, find out some outlet for your anger (ex: punching bag, batting cages, martial arts class). Just ignore her and be the "better man" for lack of better terms.

Can anyone give me advice for a "middle-case" scenario then?

I already do with video games; they apparently don't seem to be enough to flush it all away.

I've been contemplating the following for some time now: There's a tutors' name board on a wall with all the tutors' names on little envelopes with little sheets that say whether they're "IN" the tutoring center, or "OUT" for the moment. Any time she jerks her head, etc., immediately after the fact, I feel like punching the envelope with her name on it to symbolize my feelings. What could happen from doing that? (I'd rather ask here than find out for myself.)

(tangent)

What I want is better negotiation/persuasion skills. Other guys can sweet-talk each other out of thorny situations like that. That's why I'm taking "Intro to Personal Communication" class (and will take "Persuasion" in a future semester.) This will help me be a more peaceful guy as well- When I learned a bit about the life of a Mafia Don, a Don who was able to persuade and sweet-talk very well was far less brutal that a Don who couldn't. I've had related violent thoughts lately so I hope to learn how to persuade soon.

Ah...I wouldn't do that. Anything that can be interpreted as violent intent could get you in serious trouble at that tutoring centre. I know that this kind of situation sucks hard, but appearing violent will only hurt your credibility with the rest of the staff. You'll certainly get attention, but certainly not the kind of attention you want.

Well there was some sort of tutor-client or friendly relationship. Not romantic, obviously.




I believe that when people say this phrase, they referring to the fact that there's someone new in their life and they focus less / remember less about the person that caused them pain. It's generally used with romantic relationships, not "business" as you referred to above. I believe it would apply to you if you were able to focus your obsessive tendencies somewhere else.




She's probably reacting due to some sort of fear. People don't always do the right thing when they're scared. But they usually act in ways to protect themselves. Keep in mind, that your proposed behavior makes you the predator in the eyes of the law. I would strongly suggest that you keep any retaliation in your head. Acting on it will put you in a worse situation.




No one's hit you with a bow-&-arrow or otherwise. Being rejected/ignored/shunned may be a mental burden on you, but it's nothing in the eyes of the law...




I was involved in a similar situation. I would be the person that ended up receiving the call from your tutor asking to keep you away from them. I was the one who was told to relay a message to you that if you ever showed up at their place of business the police would be called, you'd be arrested for stalking, etc. In my situation there was a professional relationship between the AS predator and their prey that had also ended. The AS predator didn't even talk to the prey - just hand delivered a letter to the place of business. The letter tried to explain how the AS was misunderstood and how the prey could do a better job, understand more, etc.

I confronted the AS and was told that they were just trying to help, explain things better, etc. I believe them. Maybe you feel the same way - it's hard to tell with you threatening retaliation if you don't get your way. All I can say is that it's not your job to make them understand or teach them a lesson. Some people never understand such things. Others need time to reflect back to recognize their mistakes or misunderstandings. I think it's rare that a person can make up their mind about something and change it quickly (especially when fear in involved).




I don't see how your proposed plan of action will change anything. If you're in college, I think people have a level of expectations for you. It doesn't matter how old you look (maybe if you looked 10).




One social failure doesn't accurately define your social level. I'm not sure that ones social level really improves much past high school. There will always be people you can't get along with or don't fit with socially. The challenge is finding people you do fit with.

Again, I'd try my best to avoid this person, get a new tutor and start over. Good ideas to discuss your AS at the start if you think it will affect the new tutor's impression of you. Any outward actions (especially violent ones - even if violent to inanimate objects) will likely lead you to serious trouble.

You'll probably get some weird looks. It won't accomplish anything good.

When does the term end for you? Here it ends in a couple weeks. Maybe just not going to the tutoring center for the month-long winter break will help you to not think about it.

You know, maybe i should add to Wiktionary that "obsessing" is "the overbearing desire to get rid of all the mental pain and hardships one is forced to endure" because THAT IS APPARENTLY WHAT YOU MEAN.

( http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/obsessing )

Some details I haven't touched on:

Asking for when the manager returns

I asked a front-desk girl when the manager will return; she said she's on vacation, so maybe right before Thanksgiving, then asked my old tutor. They looked at a sheet posted on a wall behind the front desk (or pretended to; I didn't read what was on it at the time) and the old tutor told her she'd be coming back after Thanksgiving, and she somehow agreed with that.

I didn't like that answer, and my first assumption was that she collaborated in lying with her in order to throw me off. (I'd bet that they expect me to tattle on my old tutor, and they'd have been correct.)

That's why I called the tutoring center the following morning. Someone who wasn't there the previous day picked up. I asked her if I could see Kim (the manager.) She said she wouldn't be in until Noon the next day. You see, I was told different. The next day, Kim told me it was because they weren't in the loop about her as well as the gal who picked up my call. (To paraphrase, anyway.)

Asking another front-desk girl about the actions

The last day I saw her, I asked another front-desk worker what she thought of the action of a woman jerking her head down or in the other direction as soon as one sees me, and she gave a benign answer; made it sound like there was nothing wrong with it. (I did not mention her name once.)

I then asked her what her opinion was on the advice to be oneself. She said "everybody should be themselves." After that little chit-chat, I said "Well it seems that being myself is a social crime to a few people, even some up here." To that she said, "I honestly don't know what to tell you." I ended it with, "Well if anything keeps troubling me up here, we'll talk more about this. She was alright with that, and I went for a drink.

This was when the tutor in question was talking with someone from an adjacent front-desk desk, and I kinda intended to ask within her earshot anyway. After I came back from the fountain, she stared at the gal I talked with about a minute and a half or so earlier. She looked like she finished talking to her, and when I think about it, I should have known to listen in on them from the hallway's side of the wall. Who knows what was said. (Inside, I hope having my old tutor overhear this little talk got her to stop giving off those gestures.)

Telling the manager

Anyway, I felt that I had nothing more to lose with her, so I told about her actions and such to her manager. I believe she'll have a talk with my old tutor now. I won't know anything 'til I get back from Thanksgiving.

(When I asked her about showing the tutor my planned print-off of a blog about my Asperger's, the manager said to hand it to her first, and she'll show it to the tutor from there.)

Epilogue

I had a lecture from Mom about various topics, and she said not to worry about my social status and what other people think of me, but to worry about my studies the most. That'd be so easy if my old tutor graduated and left for the last time, but if I have to share the same place with her, it may be hard to avoid seeing her give off those sudden moves.

After I have over 500 friends (and as long as I keep having over 500 friends,) I'll not care about what other people think of me as much as I used to, because I'll feel like I've had enough friends. I'll even reveal things about myself in subsequent blogs that I haven't revealed to too many people, so that I can "passively prune" narrow-minded people from my friends list. (As in, wait to have them take me off their list for what they read on a new blog post of mine.) I'd know who are the better friends because they've stayed on there.

(Wow, getting sleepy...)

No, I think what he means is that you're obsessing about how to get revenge on your ex-tutor.

I thought of another possible action on my drive home from Thanksgiving weekend.

Maybe the next time she jerks her head the moment she sees me again, I go to the tutoring center computer, print out (in BIG letters) the following: "Jerking one's head down or away from someone as soon as they show up is tantamount to flipping them off." Then tape it onto a nearby wall.

What'll happen then? What may the ex-tutor herself do?

*Sigh* Well, I guess some people have to learn the hard way.

Two forces pull me in opposite directions here. One tells me that it may intimidate her into not doing it anymore, and the frustration has Bottled Up so much, so this would be a big release. The other tells me not to do it; it would not help anything and lead me to even more frustration.

That's why I asked for specifics - what she would specifically do if I did this.

Addend: I also made that last post Cyanide quoted in order to release some steam. Isn't WrongPlanet the safer outlet to post some (unrealistic/unfavorable) proposals than to actually carry them out?

Addend 2: I'm thinking of putting up a faux lost item poster that says:


That would release my steam.

Ok, some updates.

I met with Kim the tutoring manager on the week before Thanksgiving Weekend and told her about "Melhan's" behavior and the fact she lied about when Kim was coming back.

(The story of the lie: A front-desk co-worker said she's on vacation and would come back before Thanksgiving. Then she asked "Melhan," (name changed) the tutor who betrayed me, when she'd be coming back, then she (pretended to?) check a notice on a wall and said (to the front-desk worker, I think) that Kim would come back after Thanksgiving. When I thought of it later, I should've told the front-desk gal, "Someone knows how to sell used cars!" Would they have understood the metaphor???)

Sometime after, Kim had a talk with "Melhan" and I don't know what exactly was said between them but Melhan didn't jerk her head anymore the next time I saw her. It was in early December when I saw her next, and she was in a cubicle with another student, completely turned away from the cubicle hallway. (I didn't see the other tutors completely turned away like this.)

While I saw her turned away talking to her student, some kind of 6th sense indicated her aura was like a swarm of riled-up killer bees! I mentally pictured and almost even heard the infuriated tone of their buzzing in their hive, knowing if anything happens to their hive, they will lose ALL sense of restraint and sting any nearby perceived offender.

After I finished my tutoring session with someone else, I was leaving the tutoring center when the front-desk gal from before gave me some kind of facial expression. I can't describe how exactly she made her face, but I think that was a "you-caused-quite-a-stir-here!" kind of face. If I find an image of the same facial expression anywhere online, I will post it here, so you can tell me what that face REALLY meant!

If I come back to the tutoring center at the start of next semester, what do you think she'll do upon seeing me if Kim's not there?

ONCE AGAIN, now that I've made Kim talk to "Melhan," what do you think Melhan will do when she sees me again if Kim isn't there?

(I'll keep bumping with the same question every once in a while when my anger boils on this issue time and time again, until someone answers.)