'How big is the room?'
'And it has kitchen privileges?'
'And the rest of the house?'
'And how quiet is the neighborhood at night?'
Those are the big issues. Some people won't want to talk on the phone much at all. Their approach is to try and get you out there and then make a sale. Other people, believe it or not, will be so talkative that you'll need a general statement or two to get off the phone. 'Well, I need to get going.' 'I want to have at least three places to look at.' 'Yes, certainly, I will call before coming out, at a time convenient to both of us.' You want to be polite, decent, but you also don't want to spin your wheels looking at places that do not seem promising.
Do not try and make a perfectionist decision of the best possible place. Make a good decision, but look at it from a couple of different angles. Once a place seems initially promising and within a reasonable price range, take a look. You do not need to decide then and there.
'I need to look at my budget one more time.'
'These kind of decisions, I like to run past my Dad.'
This is kind of a face-saving fib, a white lie if you will, a lie of deflection. Or, you can also be Aspie direct if you like. 'I promised myself I would not make an immediate decision.' That works, too. Either one is perfectly fine.
If you can revisit the neighborhood to look around in the evening or the morning, that is worth its weight in gold and very few people do that. And that is what I mean looking at it a second time from a different angle, as you feel your way through you decision (yes, feel your way as well as think your way). So if you can do this second or third look, if your circumstances allow it, that is highly, highly advantageous. You'll either feel that you'll making a pretty good decision and can go ahead with greater confidence, or you're realize it's not quite for you and can continue looking. Please allow yourself to stay in contact with your feelings during the process. The time alone driving out there and exploring the neighborhood by can potentially help with this, allow a more whole brain decision, both left-brain and right-brain. If you feel safe, you might want to get out and walk around. Or, walk between the potential residence and a store. Only if you feel safe, and trust your feelings on this, too.
(POSSIBILITY: If it still seems good, and if you still have the time, you call back the person, 'I like it. I think I would like to take one last look if possible.' Pause. See what they say. Have prepared, 'One more look and then I'll call you within 24 hours. Fair enough?' So you can go with this prepared statement or something else. If the person balks, you might say, 'I can understand that. Now, I am going to be living there. I need to be pretty sure.' And see if they recover and how. They need to be reaching out and trying to connect in the social process also. They need to be trying to meet you halfway, too. If you do revisit a second time, you might even go with a list of a few things, just a few things, that you did not look the first time. But don't bog yourself down with so much logic and checklists that you lose the right-brain feel and texture. That matters, too. I have never done this. Straight up, I have never revisited a place a second time. I have rented at least ten different places, and with several of the more mediocre places, I wish I would have! So, I'm putting this out there as I guess the dream method, or perhaps as one more skill to add to your repertoire, but not as a requirement. And I guess this is kind of the Aspie approach, or my Aspie approach, it's creative, it's unusual, there's nothing wrong with it, but it may not be well-received. So, just propose it matter-of-factly and see how it goes.)
Do not allow yourself to be pressured into a too quick decision. And do not pressure yourself. It takes time.
If you have a family member or friend who's a good sounding board, you might involve them in the decision or even ask them to help with some of the early legwork. It is still your decision, and most probably, they'll realize this, even without a reminder on your part. If you do not have a friend or family member you can work with in this fashion, a situation I have faced on some occasions, you can do this yourself and still make a good decision.
Trust yourself on pace. It's okay to go fast, it's okay to go slow. You certainly don't need to do everyone I, or other well-meaning people, suggest.
And remember, you are the buyer. You are offering cash money. Besides being a valued human being, this is one more reason you should be treated with respect.
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Once, you find a good place, socially I recommend disclosing in medium steps.
'I'm actually a pretty studious person.' (1st)
(if well-received, later opportunity when circumstances are right)
'I'm super nerd. I really am. And I like being a nerd.' (see how they respond)
.
.
.
(maybe 6th time, if the person seems positive of people being uniquely themselves)
'Yes, I'm super nerd and I'm Aspie-OCD.' (positive, good mood and good frame-of-mind, just put it out there)
I have disclosed Aspie to some people. A lot of people just don't know what it is, although they may have vaguely heard of it. More people have heard of OCD, which is something I've struggled with from time to time, almost a sign other things in my life are not going that well, or it's a less positive manifestation of Asperger's.
20 Jul 2009, 6:08 am
