Afraid to do minor tasks, for no good reason

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First off, gradulations on your family! I do not have children of my own, but I know from my sister's children and from friends' children that ages 4 and 5 can be pretty special (and I guess any age your children are actually).

Do you think your Mom's on the spectrum and just doesn't see the emotional dimension, and I mean, hardly sees it at all? And yeah, it does sound like she can be more of a critic than a helper.

It has been seriously considered that she is on the spectrum, yep. My sister who has a diagnosed ADD kid and AS kid as well is of the opinion. I think the phrase "on the spectrum" fits best because so many diagnoses are so vague when it comes to these things. We could be anything from gifted to neglected to neurologically wired differently and no one can seem to choose one solid reason for the differences we possess...

But then I think of the time Dad told me about years ago, when he and my mom attended a "clambake" (and I don't know if it really was a clambake or if that was just an expression) and my mom got more and more tense as they went into the crowded party until they finally had to leave. No reason, exactly, or none that he knew of, just that she kept saying she had to get out of there and finally he couldn't persuade her to stay a minute longer.

But she never stimmed as far as I noticed. I'm a stimming machine but she... well, now that I think about it, she did tend to stroke her fingers along one another in a quiet sort of way and doodled like I do. She also used to gently pass her fingertips along my little fingernails when we were sitting in church until I stopped letting her hold my hands at all. I've had a thing since I was little about my nails being pulled backward (I had a nightmare when I was 5 about someone's nail coming off) and when she would slide my little nails in that same direction it made me shudder. I'm not sure she even realized she was doing it.

Yes, that sounds Aspie. And I don't stim in public other than playing with a pen, or my keys, etc. And as far as doing it to your hands as kind of a captive audience, that's really not so cool and she should have realized.

And I think I agree with you that formal labels don't matter all that much, that it's about accepting, understanding, appreciating ourselves, developing new skill sets, etc.