Why do we make enemies so quickly?

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privateperson1
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09 Feb 2006, 6:13 pm

How can it be that we are often the subjects of someone’s attack?

The world does not seem to cater or in any way reward the advanced. Are we just targeted or labeled so the primitive majority won't riot or something?

There is more to life than the ability to gab endlessly about a stupid TV show or how cutesy someone finds some thing to be. How is this behavior even relevant in a work setting?

Are others afraid they may have to compete with us or do they just think we are frigid?
Why must we play their little game? What gives?



alex
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09 Feb 2006, 6:16 pm

there are plenty of people who are interesting and don't want to talk about TV. You just have to know where to find them. I bet you the people at Google aren't chit-chatting about TV shows as much as the people at your current job. Unless you work at google


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privateperson1
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09 Feb 2006, 6:32 pm

Thanks for your reply.

I just get annoyed because sometimes it feels like no matter what company it is, only the people with the least relevant skills are rewarded.

It's like being surrounded by monkeys and they are the ones who will that get the larger promotion because they need us to stick around and do the real work.

Why do companies want to impose this type of hostage syndrome on us. One would think that would be against everything a company should want and it's frustrating that it's so common.

It is no wonder that so many here are between jobs.



pyraxis
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09 Feb 2006, 10:48 pm

I think it depends on the company. The one I work at seems to be a rare island in the storm, where competence is actually the highest currency. As long as social problems don't get in the way of efficiency, what matters most is how quickly and how well you can get your work done. Everyone's got deadlines, everyone's working a ton of hours, and really at that point people just stop caring about anything but getting done and getting a break. So anything that helps bring that about is looked on with favor.

It has its disadvantages but so far I love it.



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10 Feb 2006, 8:14 am

I agree it depends on the company.

Basically gabber type people climb the ladder faster because they have better relationships with others. A working environment is not just about how good you are the job or how much you know, people want to work with others that they get on well with. Its sucks for us aspies cos most of us want to me left alone (well I do anyway) but it dosnt work like that and its something you have to accept.

If I ever have my own company in future I'll be sure to employ only aspies.



Sunni
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10 Feb 2006, 8:45 am

I suffer from this problem too, and I'm between jobs. (The post was really funny by the way, you have a cool sense of humour)

It seems as though our type find reward in applying effort and advancing our minds, whereas the vast majority of office cretins spend most of their time trying to do the opposite. Drinking alcohol, watching soaps and reading trashy magazines seem to be popular routes to ruination and they can't get enough.

I think lots of people are scared to use their minds. Let's face it - the thinking man's life is difficult. It's why loads of geniuses kill themselves. Sometimes I marvel at the blissfully ignorant state these masses live in, but most of the time I sit in silent anguish and ask God why me. It is totally ironic that these cretins are rewarded for their stupidity.

Revolution, anyone?



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11 Feb 2006, 1:21 pm

privateperson1 wrote:
I just get annoyed because sometimes it feels like no matter what company it is, only the people with the least relevant skills are rewarded.


This isn't a new concept. In their book The Peter Principle, 1969, Dr Lawrence Peter and Raymond Hull presented the theory that all members of a hierarchy rise to their own level of incompetence (known ever since as the Peter Principle). I've seen it in most of the places I've worked.

Hell, I have Asperger's (although not diagnosed at that time) and I was made the Human Resources officer in a private college. So it happened to me too! (I didn't last long in the position though, LOL.)



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12 Feb 2006, 10:22 pm

1,

I wish I could give you a straight and sensible answer but it's impossible. I too have made the same observations and could never find an answer to the question that our society punishes its saviours and worships its betrayers. Things I've noticed in various workplaces include:

• It was alright for my colleagues to get romantically involved with each other seemingly with impunity. I did that at one job and it was one of the worst mistakes I ever made.

• It was alright for my colleagues to eat off the hot cart at the nursing home but I got snitched when I dared to do it once and it got me a reprimand.

• It was alright for my colleagues to slack off and complete the shift with minimal work but management sure noticed it quickly when my production seemed to be down for any reason.

• It was alright when fellow crew members in tree-planting stashed their trees or snuck them into my tree tray so I planted and they got paid but when I confronted the offending crew member, the entire crew sided with my opponent. Go figure!

• It was alright for colleagues to be belligerent and condescending toward me but not alright when I mirrored them.

• It was alright for colleagues to steal tools, equipment, and other goods that belonged to the employer but knowing my rotten luck, I never ventured with that one.


I could go on and on but I'm sure you get the picture. Where I work now, I just do things as expected and don't get personally involved with any of my colleagues. If anybody does things that are ethically questionable, I shrug it off as it "not being my department" and trust that if management are reasonably straightforward, they will act on the issue.

I do have a theory about how some groups of colleagues seem to have so much impunity about behaving in those questionable ways: (1) the employer could be a family business and/or (2) the staff could be a communal clique that have known each other for a long time and like to keep the workplace an in-the-group thing.

Other than that, all I can say is carry on and stick to doing what's in your best interests.


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parts
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13 Feb 2006, 8:38 am

Quote:
I just get annoyed because sometimes it feels like no matter what company it is, only the people with the least relevant skills are rewarded.

It's like being surrounded by monkeys and they are the ones who will that get the larger promotion because they need us to stick around and do the real work.

Why do companies want to impose this type of hostage syndrome on us. One would think that would be against everything a company should want and it's frustrating that it's so common.


I felt the same way were I used to work. I got paid by the piece since I was good at what I did and could figue out alomst any job we would get even better that most anyone there I would be stuck with the much harder jobs or finishing other peoples mistakes and then having to argue for more money while peolpe there who where horrid at there job got all the easy ones and made more than me. I finally quit but it happened everywhere I went I got some extras but I figured I'd never get anywhere at places like that becuse it was just easier for them to have me do it.
It made every one else look good and solved there problems why promote me and ruin it for themselves then they'd have to find someone else.



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15 Feb 2006, 1:24 am

It is strange, though, isn't it, that it seems like companies are trying to defeat themselves? I used to get paranoid, thinking that perhaps corporations and schools are just ways to keep us diverted from the truth, whatever crazy X-Files fantasy that might be. But, I got more "sane" over time.

The big secret is, most people are parasites salivating at the chance to exploit the few. We are so very far behind in technology and culture than where we should be if it weren't for the parasitic masses. I hate to be depressing, but it's verifiable and universal. I've had the mixed fortune of working at many different companies with completely different environments (I'm a consultant). I came up with a phrase: "Same Sh*t, Different Logo".

Experiment:

* Demonstrate your talent.
* Note how many people talk about how they can use your talent to make money.
* Note how they think you should be honored to do this for them.

I can't even fathom the number of times anymore someone has come up to suggest starting a company so they can get rich. Never does the other person even suggest they will work, like the idea of starting a company is something I never thought of and that is their whole contribution! Once, I decided to see what would happen if I took one of these guys up, literally, to perform an experiment (if I have a negative view on the world, I have to prove it for it to stick). They rented a hotel room, had me code their product, trying to entice me with promises of riches. After a while, they tried to get more out of me, but never penciled me in as a part owner like they said they would. I finally said I wanted a contract to work on it further, but that didn't happen. They never allowed me to materially invest in any way in the company they were starting. I knew what was going on and it wasn't that much effort for me to write the software. It was well worth it to verify that my world view was accurate, even though it was negative.

Experiment:

* Start an on-line company based around your talent.
* Note how many people will attempt to get your services for free.

I once started and shut down a company because I could not manage to get a paying customer. I had the whole works going: quote sheets, ledgers, man, I was up and coming! But, nobody wanted to pay. They saw me as an exploitable naive resource. Oh, lots of people who would waste my time to try and persuade me, voice rolling, hands gesturing, wink*wink! to do work for them. They walk away without even so much as a goodbye once they got a quote (and I was cheap!). Once they realize they can't use you, they don't even waste time on social nicities -- they just move on to the next person they think they can exploit.

Trick is, we have something they can never have and we have to learn to enjoy it ourselves. They are jealous for a reason. (I had to try to end this on a positive note).

PS: Someone save this thread and put some positive out here! There may not be a solution, but surely I must be wrong. These anecdotal experiences can't be the rule!! !



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15 Feb 2006, 2:25 am

I too have suffered from NT harassment and hostility and unfair treatment at every single job I've ever had. It's too traumatic to even list all the ways I've suffered. I'm currently on disability for stress related to a hostile work environment, as a matter of fact, however, in this case it was so bad that I filed a complaint with the EEOC and the case is going to mediation. I'm finally learning to stand up for myself.

But I'm scared to go work again, because I KNOW it will be a horrible experience no matter what. Sigh.



parts
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15 Feb 2006, 7:45 am

Quote:
PS: Someone save this thread and put some positive out here! There may not be a solution, but surely I must be wrong. These anecdotal experiences can't be the rule!! !


I'm self employed now still get a lot of the "could you do it for less" but I'm getting more customers who are feed up with people tring to take atvantage of them and am getting somewhat busy to the point I don't call back the can you do it for less people anymore. One guy called me everyday for over a month wanting a lower price I'd see the number on the phone and not pick up till he called my supplier and told him to call me and he'd go for the orginal price.



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26 Jul 2007, 6:46 am

Soopervilin wrote:
I don't have much job experience in the situations mentioned here, but I have made some observations that may apply to just about any sort of social structure, such as school or work. People, NT and AS, simply don't like feeling inferior in any way. Instead of dealing with these inferiorities and improving themselves, humans, especially in groups, will attack and belittle anyone who doesn't share those same failings.

As for those who seem incapable of doing their assigned tasks, I can only relate through school projects. In just about every group project, I did a vast majority of the work while the rest of the group normally took on a sort of "supervisory" role. I would imagine it's somewhat similar in the working world. Those that can, do, while those that can't, get promoted to a managerial role.
I also observe that the people who are lazy and don't do their fair share are often the first to complain if you make a mistake and the first to then dob on you to the boss so they can make you look bad and themselves look good. :(


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26 Jul 2007, 9:13 am

I talked to my counselor yesterday about this subject. It's my hardest problem right now post-diagnosis. Realizing why I've never fit in, especially at school and work, is a true relief, but it sucks to face the future knowing that it's not likely to change. My counselor agrees that NTs think a certain way and look for certain things in employees and co-workers, and there's nothing I can do to change that. As I'm unable to provide a listening, empathetic ear for their mindless chatter, I'm at a permanent disadvantage when working with others. I can't "act" as though I'm interested, and I wouldn't want anyone to do that to ME. It offends me that those of us who actually would rather work are seen as a liability, while those who'd rather spend all day avoiding work by socializing and butt-kissing are rewarded. It's a joke, pure and simple. And everyone knows it, yet no one will admit it. That's what really hurts.

Every time I bring up my concern over going back to work and what type of work I should attempt next (I was a medical insurance claims examiner for 17 years before burning out), she always just says to write a book about my experiences. She says everyone loves to read about someone else's painful strugges. I have a 15-page outline, and maybe I will actually start writing it soon. But on the other hand, I feel angry that (unlike the token sappy addict/recovery memoir), only others on the spectrum would be able to relate to what I've written (assuming anyone would ever get a chance to read it). It's so frustrating and disheartening that we're constantly expected to fit in, explain and justify our entire existences to other people. I used to see the idea of writing a book as a good way to educate the world about what it's like to live with AS, but now I've begun to see it as just another craven exercise in attempting to justify myself to people who couldn't really care less. I'm very sad and frustrated over this.



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03 Aug 2007, 6:59 pm

Why are incompetent people rewarded in the workplace? Well the short answer is that they're manager material, but that's not entirely the case.

At my last job there was a manager named Joanna who hired a shift manager named Rebbecca. Rebbecca had no qualifications other than that she reminded Joanna of herself. Joanna actually told me that she hired her because Becca is like what she was like as a young woman. Joanna has been transferred out to a different store because of the situation, but this store is still stuck with Becca. Becca has been trained in on her job, but she is such a horrible leader that people request not to be on her shift. When there are lots of customers she'll take the easy job for herself or else she can be found talking to customers or people outside the store non stop whilst everyone else is working.

My point is that managers don't always hire people based on merit, but at least Joanna hired based on personal criteria.

I believe a good leader is one that stoops down to their lowest level worker and listens when they complain or suggest or even have a complaint against the leader, not just hears but pays attention and acts. A good leader should be the best worker themself, not just a sluggard who gives orders from their throne. A good leader shouldn't punish good workers by giving them the hardest jobs, but reward them with promotions, raises, benefits. A good leader doesn't look for excuses to fire people they don't agree with or like. How many good leaders do you notice?



tomart
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08 Aug 2007, 10:48 am

finallyfiddlin wrote:
I read these posts and could cry. I am not alone. Thank you all for sharing. Does anyone have any tips on how to get diagnosed? I contacted the autism society and felt jerked around and not taken very seriously. I want to deal with this, I want to quit pretending (it's too exhausting and it hurts me over and over again). I am 50 and don't even want to try to find another job. Tired of feeling like I am in situations that are like middle school cliques and I am the odd one that gets worked and made fun of. My last two jobs lasted less than a month each, was "teased" about everything at the second one, even told "you need to lose some of that", my the manager (referring to my behind), but it's me that the problem, right? Broke, unemployed, finally applied for disability based on depression, but have no hopes that will come through. I have tried and tried, had more jobs than I can count. Sorry if this makes younger people feel hopeless. But reading things at this site has been a (what's left of it) sanity saver. Thank you all.
Me too! I'm 50 and feel much the same way, after much the same type of experiences.

Sadly, I can relate to most of this thread. There have been two jobs where someone there apparently despised me, and I don't know why. One refused to talk to me, even though there were only 5 of us in the room (department) and I was there 6 years. I loath office politics. I wish I could hear what's said behind my back, and not be laughed at for some flaw. I know I have lots of imperfections, but if I knew what they were amused/exasperated by, I'd probably change it.

There are good insights on this thread; I'm afraid that in my next job I'll try some of the advice - choose someone most of them like, and try to be buddies. If I have someone who lets me know where I'm screwing up, and to share frustrations with, that might help a lot. But playing office politics without a full deck... well, it's dangerous anyhow.