Is this normal at work for people with AS?

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If someone has a question for me and I have to explain it to them, I get so angry and confused myself. When I explain things to people they get confused. Anyone else has issues at work where you have to explain what to do to a co worker? I wonder if it's because of aspergers or LD.

Yes....it happens to me all the time. Pretty much all anyone has to do is say, "I have a question for you..." and I get flustered. I usually try to explain things to people the way I'd want them explained to me, but apparently everyone around here just wants the "Reader's Digest" version of an explanation, and I don't do that very well!

Oh ok. I mean I get so mad at myself and depressed and cry! It just seems so simple to answer the co worker's question. But to me it's the hardest thing. Then another co worker has to jump in and assist. That makes me feel low and stupid.

Yeah, I had a lady ask me a question about a change I had made the other day and I was trying really hard to concentrate on what she was saying, and to make eye contact with her. But the eye contact thing, as always, did me in. I lost track of what she was asking, and then gave some stupid answer that left her scratching her head and looking at me strangely. And they wonder why I keep to myself and avoid everybody around here! I hate feeling stupid worse than anything!

I don't get that at work, but I did end up in charge of a team of software developers. After a while on the job, I couldn't understand it. It seemed like most of what I did was listen to the NT users, and then tell the very aspie rich development team what the NT users had said. Then I would take the feedback from the development team back to the users. Couldn't understand why they found it so hard to talk to each other.

A decade later, I find out about ASD and the penny drops.

Ok. I do geography related work. The analyst had a question about something. I tried to explain it to her as much as I can, without eye contact too. I rarely use eye contact. So then I told her let's go see J. He knows more about this job than anyone. If analysts have a question he can help them. The perks of being NT. NT's can explain things better to others.

I hate parties since it's all about socializing.

This happens to me a lot still, especially when I'm caught off guard I'll stutter a lot too. In the end I had little choice but to simply accept it and try to spin it in a positive way if at all possible. Instead I laugh at myself and make it look endearing and/or funny. It adds a lighter touch to my work persona that otherwise would be very formal and unapproachable.

Yes, I think this is normal (even amongst the normal).

Here is my approach to this type of issue:

1. Do your best at explaining (I am always giving others instructions).
2. Have the "explainee" write an email outlining their understanding and send it to you (This gives you feedback on your explaination).
3. Edit their email where needed and send it back to them.

Over time you may notice patterns in the way you are editing these emails. For example, if you are providing more context in step 3, then next time "try" to add more context in step 1.

I get this a lot too. I'd think that I've made a very clear point, just to have a whole boardroom of confused looks and people politely trying to move on to a different subject.

At first I attributed it to people being dumb. But eventually I came to accept that I process information differently from maybe 90% of the population, and what makes sense to me doesn't have to make sense to other people. Also, what I consider a logical, step-by-step explanation could come across as being harsh, impersonal, or show-offy to others. It's frustrating, but once I've accepted that other people are entitled to their own neurology I'm less easily angry.

Also, I learned that when non-Aspies ask a question, they aren't always looking for a detailed answer. Sometimes they just want to know that you acknowledge their existence, or their point of view. Sometimes they just want to know that you know what you're doing. And don't feel obliged to give a real answer all the time. NTs don't play that way. Sometimes question-asking is just a social thing.

Sometimes oral questions and answers really get me because I have a really, really hard time processing aural information. I just have to find ways around it, either by asking people to email me instead, or writing down cheat notes, or finding a couple of stock phrases that people like to hear and just use them a lot.