Explaining Career Limitations

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I didn't get a diagnosis until I was 29 years old and as a result went through a long series of jobs that i failed at because there was too much interaction with others involved. After I got my diagnosis, I went back to school and got my Bachelor of Science degree. When I graduated, I spent about 5 months looking for work without any success. At that time, my mother's health deteriorated due to a nuerological problem, so I spent the next two years being there for her while my dad was at work, running errands, and doing housework. Fortunately, a new surgery stopped further damage from happening and allowed her brain to rewire itself enough that she can be alone for longer periods of time.

I moved out of my parent's house in January and moved in with my sister while I look for work. Now my sister and others in my family are telling me to "just take any job". I have tried to explain to them that I can't work in jobs which require constant interaction with people, and that to do so would only result in my job history looking even worse than it does now. How do I explain to my family that I need to wait for the right kind of job, if I am to have any hope of developing a good work history and being able to support myself in the long term?

OoOoOOoooOOoOOoo, that very phrase makes me twitch. I went round and round and round with my family over this until finally, by the time I was 45, they just gave up pressuring me, and a few years later I was diagnosed and could finally say "See - I told you I couldn't do just anything anyone else could do."

Invisible handicap. If they can't see it, and they're not suffering from it, it doesn't exist. No wonder so many of us live in a state of suicidal depression.

Honestly, I can even work around humans and interact with them, if I'm not pressured or put on the spot. What I do now requires me to talk to new people periodically, listen to their inept explanation of what they want and see that they leave happy. If I can allow them to speak first, so I'm responding I'm okay. But I don't have an ounce of salesperson aggression in me and I cannot go running up to a stranger and start talking to them as if I were their best friend. Never gonna happen. That's why I prefer to work by appointment, where I can respond to the call at my own pace and when I feel up to it. And if I weren't obsessed with the work (tattooing), I wouldn't be able to do that - but in this case, I can get lost in what I'm doing and tune the stranger out for the most part.

My previous career involved working alone in a closed room, playing music, talking to myself and answering the phone, so contact with people was minimal, except when I was sent out to broadcast at remote locations. I hated that so much I would beg other people to cover for me rather than go out in public, but the day-to-day part of the job was so enjoyable, I learned to tolerate the bad when I had to.

You're right, if you're to have any stability at all, you will have to find a fit that's right for you. As it was, I was routinely fired every 15 to 18 months even from jobs I loved and was exceptionally good at, because employers could not comprehend or accept my limitations. But I was undiagnosed then. Now I'd sue them for discrimination.

What are the consequences of not being able to explain? Is it just irritating, or are they gonna kick you out or something? I'm sure you've explained already, so why not explain or show how it may benefit them to let you take your time, if that's at all possible? Perhaps show them how you are using your time constructively if you are not working. Maybe put some time in for them, doing things to help out, they may give you more leeway. My family used to pressure me a lot, so I just had to take my peace forcefully (is that an oxymoron?), and sod them, basically. Happily, they now seem to see that I'm getting better for giving myself the space and time, and there's more acceptance.

I hope your family would want you to have your dream job. It is important for them to understand people on the spectrum need to work within or close to their obsession. It is easy to be the best in your career when you are naturally devoted to it. Jobs outside of our obsessions can be a form of self torture.

I will side with your family only in part.

Sadly, AS or not, employers will look down on your lack of holding a job. Granted, in this economy, a lot of people are not employed and are looking for any work they can find (and still not getting any), but if you have ANY job, it looks better for you when you do get a shot at something ideal for you.

I finished LAW SCHOOL in 2001. I do secretarial work, and it's the best I can get. I've put in for jobs I'm ideally qualified for and still don't get interviews (sorry to be a black cloud here, but I figure you'd rather I be honest). When I apply for a job, I'm up against how many other people (employed and unemployed) with college degrees and varying levels of experience. That I've been out of school for over 8 years and can't get better than a glorified secretary's job is a pretty sad statement on the state of the economy.

So, YES, go out and try to find ANY job that you can manage to stick with. If interpersonal relations at work is an issue, then try and find something with minimal interpersonal relations to cope with, but don't just choose to stay out of the workforce until you find that ideal opportunity because the odds are you won't get it if all you can say on your resume is that you've been unemployed.

THAT, OR see if you can find a meaningful way to significantly contribute to the family. Could you tend a very productive garden that puts food on your sister's table and keep her house neat as a pin as "payment" for living with them. At least then you could promote to prospective employers that since you couldn't find work you innovated by providing needed services producing fresh fruits and vegetables and doing domestic services to earn your room and board rather than leach off of family (see how clever spin on the facts makes it look good).

zer0net gain,

Do you even have a diagnosis of Asperger's? I'm guessing probably not or you would know what I'm talking about. I am not looking for my ideal job, but simply one that does not require a lot of interaction with the public. Those are hard to find, but if I take a job in retail or something like my family wants to, I'll just end up with another bad mark on my employment record.

The problems people with Asperger's have are very unique compared to NT's. Our brains are wired differently and therefore we respond differently to the world and especially to the people in it. If Asperger's has never seriously affected at least two areas of your life "(school or work, personal relationships, or home life), than by the DSM definition you don't have it.

No, I am not officially Dxed with AS, but I do understand the plight you are in.

The workforce doesn't give a rat's anus that you have AS. When you go for a job, an employer expects that you can do the job you are applying for. If your AS means you need to avoid situations that mandate contact with the public, fine, but you're trying to get into a job that's right for you WITHOUT advertising that you have AS.

I've taken any job I can get to pay the bills in my life, and often it's gone badly because of how I have difficulty socializing with others.

I can tell you for a fact that employers are hesitant to hire someone with long periods of unemployment. Granted, in this current economy, you are in good company with a lot of NTs, but in the end, it is still a negative to deal with. Having ANY job, even if you basically do gardening (call it small-scale farming), that you do something productive to "earn your keep" will look better than just being generically unemployed.

Otherwise, if you go for your "ideal" job and have nothing to show for not being employed, how will you compete against others going for the same position? If you advertise your AS condition the odds are you won't be hired just for that, and you won't be able to prove that's why they didn't hire you.

Having AS doesn't exempt you from the grim reality of how the job market works. So, I do agree with your family (to a point) that you need to do SOMETHING now to show you are hard-working and reliable.

Last edited by zer0netgain on 10 May 2010, 10:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

Are there any jobs close to your special interest?

I'm afraid that unless you are one lucky M*tha, that is simply unavoidable.

* People perceived as strange or unusual are invariably used by the group as scapegoats

* Management types despise anyone who is incapable of 'flying in formation with the flock'. Innovation and unique methods are frowned upon.

*Functioning among NTs causes someone with AS considerable stress. Exposure to stress on a daily basis over a long period of time leads to dissatisfaction, irritability, depression and a decrease in functionality, which adds to the external perception that one is not complying with the management's 'program'.


Telling potential employers that you have a form of High Functioning Autism may not get you hired as quickly, but once you are hired, it will protect you from dismissal.

I've heard that so often, and it really isn't good. I've tried explaining. If I get 'any job' I will probably end up with one I can't cope with. My stress levels will build up, my self confidence will fall even lower, and they'll find me squished at the bottom of a tall building.

I can't say that I ever had problems with management or the group. I don't think I was lucky, I was working in my area of interest, so I was automatically the best. I have been in charge of the technical stuff since I started my career. I always made the boss and everyone else look good, because I never took the credit if someone else helped.

Your best bet might be to volunteer until you can find a job that you'll do well at. Then you can have something on your resume that shows you were proactive and trying to build your skills. I've done a lot of volunteer work and generally, you have more control over what you do, and people tend to be more patient with you if you're not getting paid. Obviously in the long term, you need to make a living, but it could be a short-term possibility.

FYI: My psychologist (who specializes in Asperger's), My voc rehab counselor and the woman running my clerical work assessment have all told me not to "just take any job".

Wow, your third (?) post, in a thread in which you are in part at least asking for some advice, and you rip somebody for giving some advice you don't like AND you give out a lecture for good measure. I'm impressed (sarcasm).

I absolutely understand your point about not wanting to end up in a job that just isn't going to work out for you. Most of us have probably had enough failures, enough stress, enough trying trying trying and not having stuff 'work.' I am right there with you.

But zer0netgain makes an excellent point also: "Having AS does not exempt you from the reality of how the job market works." My employment record is awful. Awful! I've been fired, laid off, mysteriously "let go," and I've quit. But what prospective employers are most interested in, in a bad way, is those odd gaps between jobs. These have been very hard to explain, and their presence has been a real problem.

Yes, you need to find something you *can* do, but don't think you can afford to wait for just the right situation to find you. You may need to do *something* even if it isn't ideal. Find a job that's even borderline acceptable, work hard, and see if you can make it work. From there, you'll be in a much better position to find something you like even better.

Good luck!

I know of your problem.

I always found it ironic that the people who tell people like us to get a job are the same people who will either not hire us, or hire us and quickly fire us for performing exactly how we knew we'd perform.

If you do need to "take any job", I have to say that stocking shelves, though it may not sound glamorous, and may pay low and have odd hours, is actually a job most of us with AS are well suited for, and would probably like.

You don't have to interact with people very much. You can listen to music or sit and think about whatever while you are stocking. Everything has a place. And you get to put it in it.

Quite fun.

[sarcasm]

And don't you just LOVE how you get that, "Don't worry, I'm sure someone with your skills will find a good job with someone else."


[/sarcasm]

That makes me want to vomit. If you're going to dismiss me because YOU don't want me, don't insult me by giving me false hope that the next guy will suddenly act different than the last 20 interviewers I've had.