Struggling with yet another job!! !

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Hi All

I've been here a very short time and just want to talk about work.
I'm 45 and I think the best job I ever had was being a stay at home mum bringing up my son.

Next I worked at a school which I liked for the first couple of years - but the work and work relationships got more difficult and I started to struggle and feel very low. (I did last in this job for 7 years though)

I then became an optical assistant at - yes you've guessed it - an optician's. I was fine at entering data into computers. I was reasonably ok at booking people in for appointments. I could carry out certain pre-appointment eye tests such at photographing the back of the eye. But dealing with multiple customers through out the day (and the managers criticism) left me feelin crushed and wanting to end my life. I left rather abruptly after 3 months!

My thoughts then were - how will I explain ...reasons for leaving last job? Will I be able to get another job? What kind of job can I get? What can I do?

I got a job - I'm a seamstress. I like sewing - I'm good at it. It's a small company - The boss + 7 employies + 2 out workers + 1 saturday girl + 2 dogs + 1 nutty neighbour + 1 dutch lady! It's all very querky (akin to being in the Big Brother house I should think!) Most people would love it - I don't. It does my head in. I do want to socialize - and I do try to join in - but I just don't understand the game. They freak me out!

Another thing about me is - I don't really like writing or explaining things like this - so I feel wiped out now.
Tell me about your work experiences.

Regards Solo x

I felt the same and those are pretty much the same reasons I left work.

Me again - trying to stay in my own thread to moan some more about work - my fav subject at the moment!

Friday 25th - worked non stop all day sewing like a crazy woman (as I have done for the last 3 weeks or more - busy season). By 5:45 felt like my ribs where all crashing into one another (I ached a lot!) There were 2 dresses left - one I hadn't finished and one I hadn't even started! I just couldn't do any more

The shop manageress comes and asks -' how ya doin?' I say 'I can't do any more there are 2 not done' Manageress 'Well can they be done 1st thing on Monday?' I say 'No - I have a load of stuff to get out for Tuesday so there is no room for anything else on Monday.' Manageress 'Well you better go and explain it to (shop owner's name) then!'

I've work very hard - I've not been able to use many of my holidays - and I'm made to feel like a bad girl who just isn't pulling her weight!

I like altering dresses - I like to sew - I can do it even though I was never taught how to do it. But I can't stand the way THEIR minds work. They make me feel like I'm not a person!! ! I'm just a 'sewing machine' operating a sewing machine!! !

I did just walk out one morning - I can see me doing it again. I get so angry!! !

Solo x

Well my job list

Adventure Games and Hobbies: 1986-90 Great job, I was working for a friend who owned the shop. It was a roleplaying games shop so I got to talk about one of special intrests all day long. It was my only good job.

The Resteraunt: 1991-2000 The worst job of all time. I was tormented on a daily basis. I spit in my tormentors food and drinks whenever I got the chance.

The Machine Shop: 2000-2009 I came to this job thru a temp service. At first they thought I was weird but I fit in because I was funny. The metal finisher quit his job so the boss gave me one more chance so they let me try the metal finisher job. I did better than the original metal finisher so they kept me. They however in 2009 were getting fewer and fewer jobs that required a metal finisher so I got laid off.

The Temp Service: 2000 This temp service was one of the worst in Buffalo. They had me take a test doing math and reading comprehension, once I finished the test the woman behind the counter looked at the test then put it in a black plastic garbage bag with hundred of other tests. I asked her about their "filing system" she just laughed and we do this because we can say we test our employees then she laughed. The first job they gave me was making antenas for battleships. They told me I would be working with a windex like cleaner. They in reality had me working with acid that I had to dilute with water. They handed a big black rubber apron and some big black rubber gloves.and told me to pour it in the bucket while they ran across the room. I wanted to quit but the agency would not let me they told me I had to get fired so I stood against a wall or walked around the plant for four days before they fired me. It was on crappy job after another, most employers thought I was too weird even though I did a good job.

The best thing to say I think is "health reasons". They don't have to know what kind of health reason. If they ask, say its personal. Then people would probably accept that. IF you say, other things, it may reflect on your character, or what they consider to be your character.

...but this thread appeared the best place to put my job-related rant. (If hijacking your thread is bad-form then please just let me know)

Questions: Have you ever, in a work setting, felt so strongly about something that you have all-but shouted down a person one rank or more higher than you? If so, have you then felt so ashamed of yourself, yet still suffering from the anger that caused the initial outburst, that you have needed to shut yourself away and cry for a bit. Has it also made you shake with the emotion of it all and leave you a little disorientated for the rest of the day?

I have. All of the above. More than once. To the same person on two occasions. Damn damn damn!

The weird thing is, I respect this woman (the boss of my boss) and I know, on the whole, that she respects me (or at least she did). In a way, this makes it worse. Her obvious regard for me, as a person, means that I do not 'hide' from her in the way I would from most people. Which means I am inclined to 'tell it as it is.' If this 'as it is' is highly charged for me, emotionally, then feeling not listened to during the exchange can have the effect of causing me to go nuclear even before I know what is happening. The fall out makes me sick to the stomach with myself, and afraid of being labelled a troublemaker at work. The tendency to overthink after the event does not help either.

One of my own 'internal rules' that I live by is to always try and see the other persons' point of view and never, as far as it depends on me, to upset or injure anybody. Especially those who have done much to earn my respect and friendship. Boss-boss is by no means a fragile flower, and I do not doubt that she will recover from my tongue lashing with very little trouble, but I fear I may have lost her respect and concern for me cos, frankly, I was bit of a cow!

Your perspective on this, and that of anyone else reading would be most welcome. I, like you, am pretty new to this. I have only recently begun to suspect the source of the issues I find myself facing in life. A non-NT response would be most helpful at this point, of only to assure me I am not alone.

Thanks

Thanks Solo,

Re: you not being able to rant. I think it is healthy to be able to get a pov across, but not helpful to lose your cool, as I did. All people hear then in the anger and frustration, and the point you are trying to get across gets lost. Ironically, my job is in mental health, and I often find myself informing people on how to be heard rather than 'bottling things up'. The thing is, it is easy to tell others how to manage their emotions, much harder to take my own advice.

I have not seen the person in question since, as I only work part-time and go back tomorrow morning. I'm fairly sure the dust will have settled by then. I think I do need to apologise for the way I said things, if not for what I said (which I still believe to be just) And yes, I have calmed down - thankfully!

The reason for my outburst, as you appear interested, was a blatantly unfair division of labour amongst the different teams of people at work, with my team receiving a raw deal through it. This came at the end of a fairly charged meeting with much needed discussing, and my head was already very full indeed! Head full = patience low!

Thanks again for your reply. All the best with your own struggles, we all have a desire to be understood.

Take care,

Dithra

P.S. Forgot to say that I am usually a person who bottles things up, which is one reason why I feel so terrible when I do finally erupt. It is a little like not letting the steam out of a pressure cooker until, finally, BOOM. I reckon I need to find a healthy middle ground, but it may be a while til I find that one!

I have been browsing this site for sometime and I find it distressing that many of you speak of bad work experiences and being mistreated. Many of you spoke of having no rights in the matter but I believe you do under the American with Disabilities Act. A disability is defined as "a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits a major life activity." and ""caring for oneself, performing manual tasks, seeing, hearing, eating, sleeping, walking, standing, lifting, bending, speaking, breathing, learning, reading, concentrating, thinking, communicating, and working" as well as the operation of several specified "major bodily functions.""
Aspegers is in the DSM-IV and considered a disability; so hopefully in the future this will help those who need it.

Thanks to Mase for your concern and to Solo for your support.

In my case, Mase, that act would not apply - given that I live in the UK! I understand what you are saying, tho, and we do have equivalent legislation here.

For my part, the dust has settled at work, and I have had a chance to talk things through with the relevant people. I count myself very blessed that I have a very understanding bunch of people to work with and for. Others are not so fortunate. If it were not the case, I would probably leave or take some kind of action, as suggested by Muse. The problem for me would be likely be twofold, in this event:

1) This condition is not (yet) diagnosed in my case, and therefore could be argued as irrelevant
2) As the employers were unaware of this condition when they employed me, it could be said that they now have no duty to make allowances now.

In fact, I have left a similar job in the past due to their (mis)handling of my struggles along similar lines. I had a mind to pursue it at the time, but decided against it and let sleeping dogs lie. I had no Aspie related suspicions at that time, anyway. I came out of it well, however, cos I landed my current job on the back of leaving the one in question. Despite recent problems, I have mostly been very happy in this post for the past three years.

So, yes, the legislation does exist and can be used. However, personal experience suggests that the culture of the organisation which employs a person has much more of an impact on their wellbeing than any amount of rules and regs. I would say that is the case anyway, no matter what your disability - or lack thereof.

You may disagree. This is just my pov...

Still working too hard and not getting paid enough money.

Have gone without lunch or break 3 out of 5 days this week - so much work to get through!

Only had 3 days off since xmas - 2 in March - 1 in May.

At least 3 garments this week did not fit after I had carried out alterations - so had to be redone.

At least twice this week people had been booked in to have alterations done on the day. The staff that book them in don't bother letting me know - so while I'm wondering how I'll get through the work load on my rail for that day they spring an 'Alts on the day' on me!! !

I hate hate hate things that come at me from out of the blue I like to know in advance.

Why is my profession so poorly paid - it is a skilled job. No plummer or electrician would bother to get out of bed for what I get paid!!

Anyone know any seamstresses or how much they get paid (just wondering if I'm being financially screwed)?

Solo x