"Must Have Excellent Communication Skills"

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I hate how every other job ad as this a requirement, especially if they also decide to be even more specific and add "(both verbal and written)."

I hate 'must be enthusiastic, motivated and good at working as part of a team.'

I am none of these things. I've tried lying and saying I am, but it doesn't work because if I get the job (which is improbable) they soon realise I lied and get rid of me.

This requirement isn't as bad as it seems. They're just looking for someone who can take and give input to others. If you ever did a school project as a group before, and it went well, you likely have the skills they want. Being a social butterfly is not needed.

This may be different for a sales job of course. When persuading people and building relationships is your primary job function, then you really do have to come off as friendly. However, I'm an engineer, and even though I make a lousy dinner date, I can explain technical concepts better than most. Therefore for my job function, I'm an excellent communicator.

The worst is "must be outgoing." I see this all the time. Communication skills and the ability to work as a team can be learned; being outgoing cannot. We do not live in a very introvert-friendly world. What's wrong with being quietly friendly and polite?

What happens when group projects ended up in a disaster?


I always either:

1. Doing all the work because no one else wanted to do the work

2. Get into personal fights with someone whom I believed didn't quite get the assignment

3. Kicked out because I wasn't popular enough to hang

You might not have the required skills then. These results paint a picture of someone who wants things thier way, and is unwilling to cooperate if they're not. Sometimes you have to comprimise or let someone else lead. It's in everyone's best interest to complete the assignment after all.

There is sometimes a case where someone just doesn't want to put in the required effort. Then you have to kick them out.

There was another thread about this which has some useful viewpoints.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt130666.html

This always happened to me when the other members of the group realized that I was the only one that cared enough about my grades to actually want to pass the class. I eventually got sick of having to choose between failing or getting taken advantage of and got in the habit of asking my teachers if I could be exempted from group projects. Most of them understood and let me work alone but unfortunately, nobody cares if you're getting taken advantage of in corporate workplaces and need accomodations.

Your answer applies to number 2. But honestly I had to deal with people to daft to understand the assignment or would get distracted by the task at hand.

My strategy nowadays (to make it seem like I'm better with people than I am) is to just approach every conversation with the attitude that I've known the other person forever - even if we're just now meeting. It keeps me more at ease which makes the exchange much less awkward. I've found that people like you if they feel at ease around you - so I try to get rid of that awful tension that's in the air during an introduction by pretending that there is no tension. The friendly relaxed attitude I try to project puts the other person at ease which can only improve the way the exchange goes. (:

I don't know if this makes any sense...

It's how I try to articulate what works for me when I want to talk to someone. It's taken me a long time to discover it and I've given it as advice to NT friends that are freaking out about job interviews and they've told me that it's great advice - for interviews and just when you're at an awkward event where you know no one.

And what is life if not some big, awkward mixer.

And this can of course simply be a buzz phrase in the employment ad.

I like this! It's kind of like a zen approach. You're setting up a positive self-fulfilling prophecy.

The only thing I would question, Is it an attempt to 'excel'? I sometimes do this to myself. I think I need to super excel, and then if things are getting a little bit ragged, my energy slumps. As an antidote, I tell myself, hey, all I have to do is be in the top 60% of social skills, and even then, merely most of the time! That is, I expect people to like me, and often they end up liking me in large part because of my human imperfections! The whole Mr. Rogers approach, that kind of thing, and he's really not a bad armchair psychologist.

The other skill is to ease away when someone is being a jackass. I have learned, and it took me a while, if someone needs space, go ahead and give them space, without that intermediary step of asking whether they 'should' need space.

The last point you made I like too. I took too long to figure that out too. It's like, "don't feed the troll" except in real life. And with pissed off people instead of trolls. Or like when you ask someone with their arm in a cast if they're injured. Anyway, you get the point...

F**k, yes! Mr. Rogers was the best.

Hell yeah it's an attempt to excel! That's what you want to do in interviews, isn't it? :D
Unless I've been doing it wrong the last couple times...

After all...
You are the best gosh-darn person that they will ever meet for that job ever. How could they possibly hire anyone besides you? They couldn't - Yeah, that's right - they couldn't! And what about that promotion a year or two in the future? "We should give it to that kid that excels." "That guy! Yeah, I agree." "That's a great idea. Maybe that bonus that's burning hole in our pockets too?" "Oh, but of course! Straight to his checking account." "Man, that kid sure is excellent..." "Well, he excels, so yes. Yes he is." :D

I hope you enjoyed the dialogue. haha. Sorry, 2 cups of black coffee in me right now. :P

I really don't understand your dilemma about excelling. I mean, it takes work to do well in anything and, well, people skills? That's no different. You have to pick your battles of course so that you don't overextend yourself, but some skills just keep giving and there is no reason to resist learning them if you can. I think good interview/people skills are some of the most important things to learn even though they are ridiculously exhausting and seemingly impossible to get at first.

It is a very interesting strategy, and definitely worth trying out.

I have a slightly different variation which also works well, but only in some situations.
At school in my teens there were occasions where a small group had to do a presentation or some acting, and over time I noticed that no-one ever wanted to go first, so they would hesitate, nudge each other and hold back, which was annoying. I realised that no-one wanted to do the wrong thing, and since I was used to doing the wrong thing, I didn't have anything to lose - so I became a person who went first. It turned out that if you do that, other people are relieved and think you're cool and brave (for a short while). I always found that amusing, because I knew it was only the result of a logical analysis of their behaviour and the fact that being the odd-one-out was my role anyway, so there was no bravery involved. I don't know if men hesitate like that, or only women. (All-girls school)
If I'm the only one in the spotlight though, I still struggle a great deal. It's as if I can only be bold when it's for someone else's benefit.


Your positive approach is great.

It's strange, because recently I've realised that "don't feed the troll(s)" might be one of the most useful things I've learnt from WP. And by that I mean the real-life ones. There are people who just want all the attention they can get, and don't care what they say to get it, and I think learning to hold-back on the giving, to find out if they can reciprocate, is quite important. So treat people well, but leave some room to find out if they will treat you well in return, and if they don't, then take your time to get to know them before you rely on them too much. Sometimes other people are very happy to be friendly, because they get a lot out of it, but are not so interested in giving much back - and I can't tell the difference between people who like me, and people who just like attention.

So don't feed the angry or jackass trolls, but don't feed the really needy "gimme, gimme, gimme" ones either - unless you know that's what they are, and are cool with your own boundaries, because if you need them, they won't be there for you.


Probably a dumb question, but who is Mr Rogers?

He's now gone on to the great beyond, but for years and years he did a children's show, and it kind of became so much more because he was sincere.

'I like you just the way you are.'

Okay, here's the issue I have, if the advice is 'give a firm handshake,' I'm likely to overdo it and give a really firm handshake.

Some things, certainly yes, one does want to excel. For example, I'm looking into starting a SAT tutoring business. And I plan to really give students their money worth. I mean, give the Kaplan and Princeton people a real run for their money. And the same would be true for being a journalist, because you can always take a piece further, there are always new horizons, maybe being in sales, maybe being a retail manager.

But, honest to gosh, in many jobs, your boss and your boss's boss and largely the whole company are merely going through the motions. And in this case what they are mainly looking for is someone who is a steady eddie.