Trouble invited the boss from work

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I live a half an hour away from where I work, and happen to live close to one co-worker whom I get along with fairly well. Meanwhile, everyone else lives close to each other and connect very well. This would include getting along with each other and going to things in her area that they get invited to. Among my co-workers is my boss who seems to be very close with a few of my co-workers in that she seems to attend to any of their things, and even got them some gifts. Meanwhile, I invited her to house warming open house last year and my graduation ceremony and declined both, while getting me nothing in cards or gifts. What makes it really sad is that she has a son with severe autism who is 24 years old.

I had even tried talking to her but she insisted that I was the one having the problem with respect, superiority, and arrogance. I apologized and looked at myself and I even have been working on some improvements and we have gotten along better. However, I still can't seem to get her to attend my things. I decided to do this because of she has invited me to her parties in the past, in which I have attended and enjoyed and so I decided to reciprocate.

What do any of you think is going on?

As you boss she can't just invite some of her employees to a function without inviting them all. As to her declining your invitations to events you are having, from what you describe it sounds as though she doesn't like you very much.

She is quite cordial with me and we do the best that we can to get along. However, I did invite everyone from work for the house warming gathering, including her last year. In the case of the girl's spa night, I invited all the women who I work with to this event including herself.


As for her not liking me, I don't understand with her son having Autism that she would be a bit more understanding with me than she has been. At the same time, I am a very mild case of Asperger's Syndrome who owns her own condo and also goes to school working on a degree in psychology. It's not like her son is the only child either since she has two other grown NT children and a step son who is an NT and two of them are in college.

She may resent you for your successes that her son will never achieve.

I have thought about that and I understand, but at the same time, I am hurt. I just want to be accepted by anyone involved in the Autism community whether it be people with ASD or parents. I really would have liked to have gotten to know her.

"She may resent you for your successes that her son will never achieve."

I agree.. this may be it.


She may not resent you personally but rather resent the fact that her son will likely never function like you do. Maybe you remind her of that fact and unconsciously she tries to keep a distance to avoid that inner pain.

She is pretty close to her skin and if I told her something like she, there is a 95% chance of her getting offended and making a nasty remark in a joking way.

I wonder what she thinks about AS. Maybe she thinks it is not autism. Maybe she sees her son and recognizes that as the definition of autism and feels offended that you are claiming to be in the same boat. Who knows what she is thinking? but I wouldn't even try to understand anymore. She sounds rude.

It's nice for a boss to also be a "friend" but it tends to get messy in most situations.

[emphasis added]

Your boss is only very close to A FEW of your co-workers. Hence, her not reciprocating to your offers is not singling you out.

Yes, she probably does not feel a closeness to you to count you as one of her inner circle.

Since accepting your offers would imply (out of good manners) that she reciprocate, she SHOULD refuse you if she does not want to incur the social obligation to return the offer in kind.

Now, if she was connected to everyone BUT you, I'd see a reason to be concerned.

Just keep your relationship amicable and professional.

I had been doing some archive digging and I came upon this situation. Upon reading the last post and seeing what this person wrote, there was some singling out especially when it came to getting gifts and cards for everyone but her? That is pretty insulting and nasty.

I don't care if she was having a conflict with her, it still was not fair to you that others got gifts and cards as well as perfect attendance from her boss while she got duped. What a jerk. I am sorry but this borders on the side of bullying in the work place.

There are plenty of other bosses out there who do not have children with Autism but they are more understanding and mentoring than someone like this. Believe me I know from experiences.

Someone like this sounded like a major snob with lots of insecure emotions next to being jealous of her situation.

sure she can - if it's a private (ie. non-work related) function, she can invite or not invite whoever she wants. i once had a boss who was getting married and invited all the guys who worked for him to his bachelor party; except for me. oh well.

it's not nice getting treated like that, but not much you can do about it. we just have to realize that there is something in us that for some reason, humans find frightening. i'm not sure just what it is, or how to counteract it, but i think i've come to the conclusion that they are the ones with the problem, not us.

Just realize that she is being really unprofessional. She shouldn't be fraternizing with her employees unless it is like a company picnic or something. Sure, employers have their favorites, but they shouldn't show it.

Try to put aside how this is making you feel and keep an eye on how this might affect your employment.
Could you be passed over for a job that you really want and deserve?
Could you be unduly disciplined or demoted?
Will you get substandard pay raises?
Are you in danger of being laid off or fired?

If she is the head honcho, just play it cool while you look for something else.
If she is middle management, you could consider making a complaint against her with upper management. This can have pitfalls, though. Upper management might feel just as cozy with her as she does with her coworkers or they may simply feel that complainers are troublemakers.

Whether you speak up again or decide to let it go, try not to make it about your personal quirks and feelings of rejection. This will give them an easy excuse to dismiss you. If you talk to HR or her superior, keep it professional and just state that you are logically worried that your job could be negatively effected based on her demonstrated favoritism.