What am I missing? Others chiding me...

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I am not sure if I am being overly sensitive, or if I am just missing something...

When I work with other women, I tend to feel that they are treating me as a child rather than an adult. Although I am 34, most people believe me to be a bit younger, 26 was the last one I heard. The women I work with/for are generally older by 10-20 years. When giving me tasks, they often repeat it over and over, telling me how important it is, how I need to get it done right away. When I say ok, I will get it done, they start in telling me again about the task I need to complete. It's absolutely frustrating, as I feel that telling them once that I will do something should suffice.

Not only this, but if there is ever a problem with the way I handle something, they tend to chide me as though I am a 10 year old who just cannot comprehend the magnitude of my error or the impact of my actions. I tell them I am sorry, I will not do it again, and they continue to berate me for what I have done as though I do not really understand what they are trying to tell me.

Is this normal? Is there something I am doing wrong or something I am not grasping about the way things are supposed to work?

I've actually observed this of older women, and the conclusion I've come to as to why they do this is a bit humorous, at least to me.

Conclusion: Women fret about age and strive after youth. to many women, a 10 year difference seems like a 20 year difference. You make them feel matronly. Many women are also under the impression that young women are as irresponsible as they were when they were that age.

I have experienced that from older staff (women mostly).

They seem to think that I do not understand the requirements they have and that I am too shy to ask for help. (I ask for help when I need it).
and there are some that automatically think that I am incompetent because I am younger then them.

Yes, I've also experienced this. What really drives me crazy is when people call me "girl" for example: our accounts payable girl can't come to the phone, can I take a message, etc. I mean, really?! I'm 30 years old! I think I'm old enough to be a WOMAN now!! !! !

I once started calling my co-worker boy because he refused to stop saying things like 'good girl' to me....I'm not a dog! It's funny how something like this is enough to make my blood boil! I don't know how to deal with these people, so I usually do my best to ignore the comment.

It is very frustrating, isn't it? I've tried to figure out what can be done, but I'm just at a total loss. To make things worse, my supervisor seems to have difficulty communicating non-verbally. Her expression is always very negative, and her tone is always harsh - even though I think that sometimes maybe she unintentionally over-exaggerates her facial expressions and doesn't really mean to come off as snobby and judgmental as she does.

How do I tell people, especially supervisors, that their tone and the way they approach me is very patronizing? I am pretty dang smart, yet it seems as though they believe I am a total imbecile who can't even figure out how to tie my own shoes someone telling me. I want them to understand that they do not have to talk to me like a child, that I am smart enough to get it on the first go around, and if (and that's usually a stretch) I don't get it, I will ask questions. On top of that, I really need them to understand that I don't need a mother. I already have one, and she doesn't ever treat me with such condescension or disrespect.

Oh how I wish it were humorous to me...right not it's just a major pain because it gets in the way of me actually getting something productive accomplished...lol.




Exactly! I ask for help when I need it...maybe I'm not asking them for help often enough, thus making them feel like they need to work harder to be more useful??? That does not, however, change the fact that I'm still not going to ask for help if I don't need help though.




Yeah, my supervisor recently was talking to someone about my age, and she underestimated it by about 8 years. While it's often nice to have people think I am younger, it is not in this context. When I told her thank you, she said for what? I told her for guessing I was younger than I am, and she said, "Well you're just a baby, your 26 right?" Ooooooo, I was so mad!

My co-workers at my last job were accusing me of forgetting to age because of how bad my memory is.

Like or not, people judge age by looks in many cases. As it was mentioned 10-20 years is a big difference for these women.

I am 32 myself, so I have some idea of what you are talking about. Thankfully, I work in a much more gender and age diverse workplace.

Are they aware that you have autism/ASD? I only ask, because perhaps they have a preconcieved (and probably uninformed) idea of what someone with autism/ASD can cope with, understand etc.
I know what it's like to be patronised at work (and elsewhere!); it's incredibly frustrating and demoralising. I'm yet to find a suitable way to explain to people that I'm not an idiot!

I'd also agree with what others say regarding the idea of 'competition' due to age.
But there also may be a degree of 'self preservation' taking part in their behaviour, they might feel that they have been doing this (your) job for X amount of years, they've worked hard at it and have a defined structure to how they do things; which has worked over X amount of years. So, they've got their own rules on how things should be done and if they aren't done that way; then it's wrong. They'll be damned before someone younger and with less experience than them, will change the way they've structured their job to suit them.

Whatever their problem is, (because it sounds that it's more to do with them than you), it is irrelevant; if you're doing your job the way you should be doing it then everything is peachy

That to me would be work abuse if I was being chided all the time like that. I'd quit.