Friends getting jobs but not me...

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Hey,

I have diagnosed AS and a Masters degree in Biotechnology and I have been looking for work in one sense or another now for almost three years and am pushing 27. It was easier to endure this as some of the (very few) other people I know were either still in college or looking for work too.
But yesterday I was talking to one of the girls I went to college with online who finished her PhD two weeks ago and she has already got a dream job in research and all she did was reply to automatic job update emails she gets sent and do one interview.

Now the job is abroad, but we live in Ireland and the job she got is in England so even though there is a sea between here and there, it's actually only like an hour or so on a plane and these days you can get a return ticket for €30-€50 and the job is about thirty minutes away from where one of her family members is living. So to recap, I have been looking for work for almost three years (three years that included finishing writing my thesis and doing seven tortuous months of work experience with horrible co-workers that finished 11 months ago, but still three years on social welfare) and have only had a few interviews that have gone nowhere and this girl finishes her PhD two weeks ago and instantly gets a perfect job.

When I found this out I literally felt sick, the idea that I have been wasting my life for three years sitting around and can't find work and that seemingly without even trying my friend with reasonably similar qualifications has got a job so easily made me very, very distressed. I can't imagine moving abroad as I can barely function at home even with all the routine I've built up and completing college was at times almost impossible; the only way I was able to do it was because I thought if I could just struggle through it, I could get a job and then never have to do anything like that again (plus conveniently a lot of my college work was on a near deserted off main campus area with very few people). Plus anything I've ever had to do that required repeated interaction with other people has always ended in disaster unless the people happen to be naturally understanding (like the few people I know who I went to college with, they were willing to put up with me not speaking to them for a year before I was able to interact with them in any way).

So my question is, do you guys think I am being foolish comparing myself to her? An amiable people person, with family members abroad and no compunction about travelling for work. I just can't help comparing myself to her seeing as we went to college together and have similar qualifications. Or do you think she was just incredibly lucky to find a job in her area the week she finishes her PhD, down the road from a family member living abroad and only one interview?

As hard as I know it would be to emigrate, there are no jobs in my country for young inexperienced people. I was watching a documentary on the gold rush (google the Chilkoot Pass for an idea of the hardship) recently and I doubt that was much fun for those people. But they did it because they had to. I can't stay on social welfare until I'm thirty!

Thanks

From what you've said it's a completely human response to compare yourself to her. I don't know anything about your field but if there was a way for you to stay active in it through volunteer work or additional schooling I would highly recommend it. Potential employers generally consider years away from a field and large gaps in employment as negatives.

I appreciate your advice, but as for additional education, I went through the educational system once and seeing as I have an MSc, I don't really see the point in more study and I'm not sure I could face it anyway.

As for volunteer work, with science you have to be insured, go through in house training etc., to work anywhere so even if I turned up at the door of some lab saying I'd work for free, they'd just look at it that they be spending money to insure me, train me etc. and so if they really wanted someone they would advertise. I could look for another work placement course, but working for free is hard.

Would you/could you emigrate?

I guess the equivalent for me would be moving to Canada for work. I wouldn't want to, but I could and would if I felt I had to. The disruption of routine can seem paralyzing, but a new routine swiftly replaces the old I've found.

I identify with a lot of what you're experiencing. Watching similarly situated friends advancing while you sort of languish is definitely hard to take. And they make it all look so damned easy! It's infuriating sometimes. I'm employed, so I'm not exactly where you are; but, I do see colleagues with less experience and training moving right along as I sort of tread water. Opportunities at work that used to be given to me are now being given to others. And they're making more of them than I ever did. They obviously have something that I don't have, and they're good at playing a game that I don't really understand. It's a little bit like your situation: you don't want to or can't go abroad; well, I didn't want to or couldn't go to that fund raiser or conference or marketing opportunity or whatever.

Yeah, it's kind of hard to accept that other folks entered the professional world with a full set of shiny new power tools -- and we're supposed to make it with a couple of rusty wrenches and a pair of pliers. The only peace with it I've been able to find is knowing that I'm doing the best I can with what I've got. That just has to be good enough ... for now anyway. With the state of the economy, people are being personally blamed less and less for large gaps on their resumes. Everyone knows that it's really tough for recent graduates to find jobs right now. You still have to keep trying, though. And I like the idea of volunteering so that you can legitimately say you've been up to something. It doesn't have to be in a position all that close to the one you're looking for. I don't think the suggestion was to do for free what you're trying to get paid to do. It could be just about anything.

Regarding working abroad, you may try to get more comfortable with the idea. People pick up and move for jobs all the time. Thousands of miles for the right opportunity. I know you know that -- and we both know who those people are. That said, I'd be willing to bet that, after the initial and very unpleasant jolt, finding yourself in a new place with reestablished routines could be very appealing. If you know of such a place, I think you may owe it to yourself to at least give it some consideration. I guess I'm of that mindset because the small town where I grew up had *no* opportunities for recent graduates. So, moving away from home was always a part of the plan. Believe me, though, winding up in New York City was not even remotely within my comfort zone. Sometimes still isn't after 15 or 20 years! But, looking back on it, I can't imagine the stunted life I would have fallen into back home.

Anyway, good luck!

I know, the more I think about it, the more I think I may have accept moving abroad if I am to expect any kind of future. Although I do often think that some of the people on WrongPlanet have much more real world capability than I do. I can't imagine ever having any job other than a low level grunt, not that that bothers me, but some of the people here seem to be pretty high-flyers by my standards.