I'm bullied at every workplace.....

Page 1 of 2 [ 20 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

SadAspy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Oct 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 695
Location: U.S.A.

16 Sep 2011, 9:29 pm

I started a part-time job this week and it's started again. It happens to me every place I work :(



Xerillius
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 20 Aug 2011
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 64

16 Sep 2011, 10:00 pm

Please explain how they bully you, just saying "Bullied at work" doesn't really say much.


_________________
Your Aspie score: 185 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 16 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
AQ: 49


SadAspy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Oct 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 695
Location: U.S.A.

16 Sep 2011, 10:23 pm

I guess I don't want to reveal too much about my job....I was just hoping people would empathise. What....you think I'm lying? I'll go into more detail tomorrow when I'm not feeling so sh***y....



so_subtly_strange
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 295

16 Sep 2011, 10:32 pm

i also would be interested in elaboration. The reason is not accusation of falsehood, its simply we cannot give you any reasonable feedback without some basic premise. I generally have not suffered bullying in my various employment endevours, however I am naturally on the outside of many communication events that occur between my non-autistic co-workers



John_Browning
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Mar 2009
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,456
Location: The shooting range

17 Sep 2011, 12:02 am

SadAspy wrote:
I guess I don't want to reveal too much about my job....I was just hoping people would empathise. What....you think I'm lying? I'll go into more detail tomorrow when I'm not feeling so sh***y....

It's easy to believe there are real as*holes at a part time job. I had that problem too. It's just hard to help you without knowing a little about what's going on.


_________________
"Gun control is like trying to reduce drunk driving by making it tougher for sober people to own cars."
- Unknown

"A fear of weapons is a sign of ret*d sexual and emotional maturity."
-Sigmund Freud


SadAspy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Oct 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 695
Location: U.S.A.

17 Sep 2011, 12:07 am

Security chews me out for breaking minor rules that other people break with impunity. I get ridiculed by co-workers for being introverted, for reading during my breaks, etc. I've been called names..loser a lot.

I quit this job anyway because I couldn't handle it, so I'm back where I started...an unemployed bum with worthless degrees.



Seventh
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 4 Sep 2011
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 178

17 Sep 2011, 12:48 am

Hi SadAspy, that's really awful, I'm sorry to hear you have to go through that. People can be such as*holes. Are you in the right kind of job? Some workplace cultures can be harsher than others. I don't have enough detail about your situation to advise further, but do you have people you can talk to in person about this? Perhaps you could see a counsellor who specializes in AS work-related issues? In any case you certainly should not have to put up with what you described. In some places (I'm in Australia) it is unlawful for an employer to not take steps to prevent bullying.



blueroses
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Feb 2007
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,162
Location: Lancaster, PA

19 Sep 2011, 9:24 am

SadAspy wrote:
Security chews me out for breaking minor rules that other people break with impunity. I get ridiculed by co-workers for being introverted, for reading during my breaks, etc. I've been called names..loser a lot.

I quit this job anyway because I couldn't handle it, so I'm back where I started...an unemployed bum with worthless degrees.


I'm really sorry to hear that happened to you. I don't understand what's so wrong with reading over your lunch breaks? I spend my lunch breaks taking walks in a nearby park and have had people make snarky comments to me about that, too. I guess when we don't spend lunches gabbing in the break room it makes us seem standoffish, maybe?

It makes me angry when 'adults' bully people in the workplace and act like they're in high school. I don't understand why it's so prevelant or so accepted. I once worked at a company where coworkers were openly hostile to me like that and it was really depressing. It got so bad that I wound up having to report it to HR, then, when people heard I'd reported it, they were even worse. So, I can empathize a little with where you're coming from.



Jayo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jan 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,202

19 Sep 2011, 7:35 pm

Yep I've been bullied too at work, as an Aspie male in my 30s, and each time it was by WOMEN around the ages of 43-55.
For 2 out of 3 of them, it wasn't intense and constant, but there were occasional incidents of ridiculing me in front of peers.
Wonder why that demographic seems to have it in for "my kind"??
I've often postulated that it's because I'm their complete opposite, I'm more intellectual, think things out and reason based on the facts, whereas they're more judging and perception oriented, they have faster processing time for social matters but lower "hard drive" capacity. They were all what I called "corporate politician divas".

Mostly I was criticized for not being concise enough, and focusing too much on details instead of the big picture. They all REALLY loved to rub that in my face, and it spread a certain "silent treatment" hostility among a certain clique in the company against me.
Talk about high school deja vu!!

Fortunately, with ASD being one of the fastest-growing segments of Western society, several people in the workplace have sons and daughters (or nephews & nieces) with Aspergers, so they wouldn't DARE harass or mock us, and they would be a resisting force against any potential tormentors. Even at a recent place I worked at, one of the senior managers had a son with autism, so if he got word of any harassment complaints from me it would be hard for him not to invoke his personal sentiment.



Keeno
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Mar 2006
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,875
Location: Earth

22 Sep 2011, 11:02 am

I guess your bullying by middle aged women is like any other personality clash, which you could have with anyone or with any profile. In my case, the profile is different and my bullying tends to have come from the bosses/owners of companies. Then again... I haven't even had the chance to work with many women, excepting my current job, in the first place. My lack of connectability with the opposite sex seems to be so far reaching that I've repeatedly failed at getting jobs in workplaces with many women, and usually only ever been able to find work in male dominated environments. I've only really had one female colleague who was like those in your situation, but she was younger.



tomboy4good
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,379
Location: Irritating people everywhere

22 Sep 2011, 11:23 am

Sorry to hear about the conflict, Sad Aspy. Bullying sucks...doesn't matter where it occurs, it's just wrong. The bad thing about it is that only the bullied ends up feeling bad for being singled out, whereas the bully gets all kinds of accolades for being a jerk.

And there is nothing wrong with reading at lunch.


_________________
If I do something right, no one remembers. If I do something
wrong, no one forgets.

Aspie Score: 173/200, NT score 31/200: very likely an Aspie
5/18/11: New Aspie test: 72/72
DX: Anxiety plus ADHD/Aspergers: inconclusive


LostUndergrad9090
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Jun 2011
Age: 183
Gender: Female
Posts: 892

22 Sep 2011, 12:13 pm

Sorry to hear that man, that sort of thing has happened to me also.



REW
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2011
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 16

25 Sep 2011, 10:30 am

First very sorry you have been targeted. I do know what it feels like.

I think bullies come in three basic groups.
Group One: Those who believe their victim has broken social rules and needs to be taught a lesson or punished. This kind will even justify their actions as "good" for the victim. (this group is the group I hate most the hypocrisy is disgusting)
Group Two: The go alongs they just join in with the crowd and have no agenda. The older I get the more I discount these rats and roaches as not worth my time.
Goup Three: Sadist they enjoy hurting people weaker than themselves or the out numbered. They are the smallest in number but cause the most problems because they know how to get groups 1 and 2 to help them torment their victims.

I have no easy advise to give in dealing with bullies; just never give up on yourself and never let them form your opinion of yourself. You decide who you are not them.



Jayo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jan 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,202

26 Sep 2011, 6:12 am

I think that over time, if not clamped down on, group one below can escalate to group three type behaviour...they try to brainwash you into believing that they're trying to "help" you when it's really psychological abuse meant to undermine you and your confidence - I had this from a former boss who micromanaged me on false pretenses that b/c she observed undesireable behaviour X, she automatically assumed that it meant undesireable behaviour Y so I would have to run all my work by her before presenting to stakeholders. Speaking to friends & family about the scenarios, they said there's no chain of causality and she was just inventing a reason to push me down b/c she clearly didn't like my Aspie traits. Thankfully I've moved on from that hostile environment! It reminds me of the brother of one of my friends who had claustrophobia, and his Dad forced him into closets for several minutes claiming that it was to help him overcome his condition, that this was "good" for him but in reality his Dad was just a sadist. :evil:

Trouble is, if you confront these bullies about the real motives for their behaviour, they'll flatly deny it and just call your paranoid and try to lay a guilt trip on you that they're trying to help you, and this is how you dare respond to them...yeah, the hypocrisy is disgusting, as you say. :x

REW wrote:
First very sorry you have been targeted. I do know what it feels like.

I think bullies come in three basic groups.
Group One: Those who believe their victim has broken social rules and needs to be taught a lesson or punished. This kind will even justify their actions as "good" for the victim. (this group is the group I hate most the hypocrisy is disgusting)
Group Two: The go alongs they just join in with the crowd and have no agenda. The older I get the more I discount these rats and roaches as not worth my time.
Goup Three: Sadist they enjoy hurting people weaker than themselves or the out numbered. They are the smallest in number but cause the most problems because they know how to get groups 1 and 2 to help them torment their victims.

I have no easy advise to give in dealing with bullies; just never give up on yourself and never let them form your opinion of yourself. You decide who you are not them.



whitelightning777
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 143

05 Oct 2011, 5:24 am

If you are in a hostile work environment with no fault of your own, don't quit or back down. File a grievance and create consequences for the idiots. Stand up for yourself without melting down totally.

I have a boss who is a jerk. Basically I mirror his behavior. If he starts cussing me out, I give it right back. If he's nice, I say thank you for small favors and return the favor.

I've had mixed results with this, good days and bad days.



Greatsharkbite
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jun 2009
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 711

05 Oct 2011, 5:25 pm

I've been "bullied" as well. Not like someone assaulted me or stole my lunch money, but the whole "quiet" guy thing was so very annoying.

This was at a job for a business my mom owned to boot, i'm revving up to see how this goes where there's no biasedness.

I'm singled out as the nice easy to pick on guy--I'm not that nice tbh, i just try to be fair and impartial in the way I deal with people.

Its always the same.. people who don't know what to make of me and act incredibly nice. Then people who have an incredibly negative and hostile judgement of me. I did manage to improve my experiences socializing with some people but with others--it just flatlined like a cat who got hit by a volkswagon.

But honestly, I don't really care because I know that those people weren't really worth socializing with anyway.