What's best way to handle Aspie who WILL NOT admit mistakes?

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AbsentMindedProf2
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26 Apr 2012, 4:11 pm

This hasn't been a big issue yet, but I'd like to address it before it becomes one.

I work with one other guy. We're the most junior members of staff at a small business working on technical, mathematically-based work. I'm definitely on the spectrum, probably diagnosable. I'm virtually beyond any doubt that my coworker would be diagnosed Aspergers / maybe HFA. (I don't know if he knows this or not). I recognise many of the same character traits in him as I have, but he has been less able, or perhaps willing, to "blend in" as best as possible.

Most of the time we knock along together OK, and get things done. I'm older but he has more experience of the work we do, and we have somewhat different skill sets which could, and quite often do, complement each other. He's been at this workplace slightly longer than me, but both for about 1 year say.

The bosses seem quite pleased as we've both just been awarded pay rises. Room for improvement of course, but the message seems to be that we're heading in the right direction.

It's because of that that I think now might be the time to address this issue. Beforehand I felt my co-worker (and to some extent me) was a bit unsettled by issues relating in part to changes around us and in part to his previous struggle to interview well and convince someone he could do the job - in which he is very able, even though the communication and people skills elements can understandably be very challenging for him. It's possible for these to be kept very limited, which I think he prefers.

Basically, in the whole year I've been there he has never once said "sorry, I've made a mistake there". It's in the nature of the work that mistakes occasionally happen and that's why thorough checking procedures are in place. So it's not like holding your hands up now and then would be especially damaging to you. But he doesn't see it that way.

I've always said when I've (knowingly) made a mistake, but I'm clear that I can't go on doing this "unilaterally". It also feels totally wrong to stop that though, since it really is needed for clarity.

Today was an example of a pattern that's emerged. He'd made a mistake. A senior had come in wondering why a spreadsheet wasn't working. After senior had gone, I was asked a lot of questions by co-worker about changes I'd made. It turned out that it was due to coworker's mistake. I didn't ask questions about this do force him to admit it: I genuinely wanted to know what the problem was so it could be avoided in future. Eventually, he (still evasively) acknowleged that it was what he had done that had caused the problem.

I'm certain that had I not asked lots of questions I would never have been told that it wasn't a mistake by me that had caused the problem (and I need to know this stuff as still learning), and I'm also pretty much 100% sure that the senior, who would have been thinking "well it's a 50-50: one of them's cocked it up" (not that he was angry or anything, just wanted it fixed) won't have been told by coworker that it was his mistake. Since that is now quite an established pattern of behaviour, I feel I need to do something. the question is...

JUST READ THIS BIT IF NOT INTERESTED IN THE CONTEXT!! !...

Should I:
1) talk to coworker first about it? (advantages: not going behind back; disadvantage: he gets prickly very easily when criticised, however mildly, especially by me as the equal)
2) talk to line manager about it?
3) the complication is that it's my turn for lunch with the firm's boss tomorrow. He has an extremely strong nose for stuff like this, and we are going to talk about how things are all going etc. I'd rate my chances of lying effectively (ie not mentioning this) as low. I don't think this is the best time for a first mention(?) so does that force my hand with option 1 or 2 tomorrow morning?


_________________
note to self: must try harder to think of witty and appropriate aphorisms

Aspie Quiz results: Aspie Score - 114, NT Score - 96
However, with my wife answering the questions as if me:
Aspie Score - 133, NT Score - 68.
what does this tell us?


redrobin62
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26 Apr 2012, 5:43 pm

PLEASE talk to your coworker first. I've found in the past that bosses always think in black and white. If they hear someone's not working out, even if it's slight, they let them go. It seems like they always have someone waiting in the wings to come onboard and they're just itching for one of their workers to mess up or quit.



AbsentMindedProf2
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27 Apr 2012, 12:38 am

Thanks, Red Robin.

In fact, in this particular case, the company has not found it that easy to recruit in the past for various reasons.

That's an interesting comment about bosses tending to see things in black and white. I can imagine that, and I'm not sure they would be that responsive to the idea of working to this guy's strengths and avoiding his weaknesses. They seem pretty convinced he can develop much better communication skills and in time be comfortable presenting to high level clients. At the moment he would hate nothing more than that, I should think.


_________________
note to self: must try harder to think of witty and appropriate aphorisms

Aspie Quiz results: Aspie Score - 114, NT Score - 96
However, with my wife answering the questions as if me:
Aspie Score - 133, NT Score - 68.
what does this tell us?