f**k. I think I have to tell my boss about my Asperger's.

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So I'm having a situation at work right now... I just started an internship and they're hounding me for "not listening" and not being attentive, when in truth I am listening to the best of my ability and working my hardest. You can read more about it in my blog post here, since I don't feel like going into too much detail right now. Basically everyone at my job is being very condescending and treating me like a child, and I know interns are notorious for getting the crap work but I feel like I am talked down to way too often.

I was talking with my mom and dad and they think that if things get too out of hand then I could get fired. They want me to disclose my Asperger's, or at least tell them I have a Non-Verbal Learning Disability or a Processing Disorder. They want my psychiatrist to talk to my boss about it. The thing is, I swore my whole life I would not receive help with it because it's got too much of a stigma attached - I was bullied ruthlessly and people treated me even worse when I told them and I don't want it to happen again.

Don't get me wrong, I've done all right for myself- I graduated with high honors from college without any services- but I feel like my experiences are skewed and are colored by my intense anxiety surrounding the situation.

I know I have to tell her at some point, and I'm going to. I know there is nothing wrong with having Asperger's but my boss just thinks I'm indifferent and I don't want to lose future opportunities because of this. Can someone talk some sense into me, or at least help me feel better? Have you disclosed at work? How has it helped you?

There is stigma attached, however you're already suffering, do you not think they way you're being treat currently is just as bad?

Employers are not allowed to bully you or hold your health problems against you - they are bullying you now, however they're not aware that it's bullying because from their perspective you're a person who isn't working as you're supposed to, they may consider you lazy or useless, if you were to tell them the situation they'd know this is not true and may be able to work with you so that you have your instructions written down (either you writing them or your employer and co-workers writing it down for you).

Reality check #1 - can you actually do the job?
Reality check #2 - employers, if prejudice, will find a way to be intolerant and even fire you...but they way you talk it seems as if you're headed for losing your job anyway, at least if they're informed you may have a leg to stand on legally if you are fired as a result. You don't want people treating you badly, but this is what's happening regardless, you need to consider taking a stand against that, and one way of doing that is informing them of what is going on and accepting the idea that you are entitled to support within the workplace.

It's hard, I've never disclosed that I'm AS simply because I've been unemployed during the time I've known I was AS - looking back at my last job my boss thought I was being indifferent, amongst some other issues she had with me, I don't think I'd have told them early on but by the time they were looking to get rid of me I think if I'd have been able to tell them I am AS it would have protected me a little.

Does the type of situation you find difficult as an intern happen to people who work in this type of job also, or does this only happen to interns? If you got the actual job, I mean, would the difficult situation still occur? Do you think you need more time to adapt, or do you expect the situation to pose a problem for you forever? In brief, do you really want the job now that you've done it for a while?

I haven't had much experience with disclosure, but my instinct tells me that I will do better with it if I disclose my disability when the boss loves my work and has a high opinion of me rather than when she sees me as posing a problem for the business.

Don't go straight to the boss. Either you or your psychiatrist go to whoever protects your rights - here in Canada it's the Human Rights Commission, in USA I think you even have a Bill of Rights of Handicapped (sorry I got the words wrong). Then that body contacts your top boss - preferably the president or something. Don't forget to mention that there is probably a tax break for employing the handicapped.

This might not make best friends with your boss, unless you and psychiatrist work on that angle together.

But I wouldn't just talk to boss.

Keep us posted?

Thank you guys for your feedback. I just got off the phone with my psychiatrist, and he told me to tell her I have an auditory processing disorder. I don't want to use the term Asperger's, as understanding verbal instruction is the only real area in which I am having issues. I am going to work with my parents and we are going to come up with a list of things that they can do to help me (like visually showing me instructions, miming them out, pointing to the section of an item I need to perform my duties on, making charts, etc.) and things that I can remember to do that will also make my life easier, like writing things down, drawing pictures etc. All I really need is a little patience.

I am fully capable of performing my job, I'll just need a little help initially- once I begin understanding the duties I should be fine. I don't think I am in a position to receive tax breaks- I researched SSI eligibility in the US, and you have to be unable to work - I don't know the full details but since I am already working full time I don't think I would be eligible. Plus, further financial support is not what I am looking for, but if I become ineligible for work in the future I may look into it- just not now. Thank you for your suggestions!

Also, regarding the condescending comments, I am aware that I'm an intern, and I am there to learn. They just talk openly about giving me the simpler tasks, and one of the staff members, when giving me instruction, will repeatedly ask me if i've written everything down. I don't think they intend to be detrimental- my boss even told me "we are on your side, we want to see you succeed" but a lot of the staff members are experts in their field, which I assume comes with a bit of an ego (that's okay) and are also very blunt with their comments. I am okay with being less experienced and I am eager to learn as much as I can, I just feel like at this rate I won't have much of a chance to learn.

I may be coloring all of this with my anxiety and reading into it too much (which I tend to do all the time). I don't think it is intended workplace bullying but if we learn to work together then this can be a lot easier. i know part of it is i have to learn to work with people like this but it is all so stressful. :/

I wish you success! Let us know how it works out.

I had this same problem at my first job. They think they are mentoring a young ignoramus. It was very stressful to have to live under that image. But at my next job I had problems with executive functioning, and now I'm out of a job.

So be glad that there are people willing to help you. And definitely tell someone there your diagnosis. It may not earn you respect, but it will give people a framework for understanding your behavior other than the more negative things they could assume.

I would go straight to your boss with this. Asperger's is not a disorder, and you don't need to treat it that way. Instead, focus on the strengths Asperger's has given you. I'm afraid I don't know what your job is, but it may be in an area of interest to you. I think your boss would appreciate it.

I told an old boss many years ago, and she said, "ok." She found out how to focus on my strengths (rapid learning, etc.). A good boss, like her, takes an existing employee and develops his talents. Everyone has weaknesses. A good boss sees past those weaknesses and looks at strengths.

Sorry, I wasn't clear. The tax break would be for the company, not the employee.

Your psychiatrist sounds very wise (and available!). You know, now that you mention "auditory processing disorder", I recall that I never went anywhere without a writing pad and pen and I never stopped writing the whole time people were giving me directions.

I hope you won't find this silly - it was shorthand that allowed me to get everything down. Gregg shorthand is very easy and fast to learn. Let me know if you're interested, maybe I can find something on-line for you.

Keep us posted!

That might be a good middle-of-the-road way. Then take a day or two to continge it and to feel your way. Did they seem receptive and does your gut say giving another dose of information feels right?

And from there, either way can be okay. I do recommend trusting one's gut in a series of medium steps.

So here's an update: Though I had planned on telling her a little while ago, I don't quite feel comfortable telling her yet. Instead, my parents have found out about a life skills coach who specializes in working with people on the autism spectrum, and she is going to help me with workplace conduct and things like that.

With my boss, I think I'm going to e-mail her soon and ask for progress meetings every few months- this way I can know if I'm doing a good job, or if I need to improve anything. I think I've been doing a pretty good job lately, so let's hope that stays.

I have to ask, what kind of job do you do? A lot of industries have firms, especially major firms, that like to intimidate interns and new staff to see if they would be able to handle the stress.

i work in theatre production, mostly behind-the-scenes stuff. why? when i applied the place didn't seem to be like that. now, i'm not so sure.

That makes sense. It's a high stress environment and everything is on a deadline. It most likely takes practice and getting used to.