Today I heard two supervisors at work talking between themselves behind a divider in the office. One of the things that they said was 'Rod is in the process of being replaced'. (My name is Rod).
I was deeply concerned about this for the balance of the work day and at the end of my shift I confronted my boss about this. My boss denied having any plans to fire and replace me, noting the the decision was ultimatly his and despite what anyone else in the work place may say, it was solely his decision. He reminded me that he had just given me a $1,000 bonus a couple of months ago and that he and the company are happy with my performance, so my worries are without foundation.
He was however upset that I had even brought this matter up. He said are you sure that their isn't anyone else named Rod in employment here that they could have been talking about instead? I said this of course is a possiblility, the company I work for has 300+ employee's on 3 shifts, I work day's and I don't know anyone who works on the other 2 shifts. He also reminded me that the supervisior that I said made this statement is a personal friend of his, who would confide in him if any problems with my performance were of an issue, before creating waves with more senior management, and this has not occured.
He told me I always have the most negitive interpretation of events, that I jump to wrong conclusions, and that I am paranoid, he suggested I should get this in check.
Being an Aspie; I've been bullied and taken advantage of on numerous occasions. I've become paranoid as a defence to hardships, hidden agenda's of NT's, ect. I've had 15 jobs in 20 years, and been fired at least 3 times. I've found being acutely aware of my situation around me has helped me avoid the darker side of people trying to persecute me. But clearly I made a serious error of judgement in this case, and this has damaged my reputation as a consequence.
The definition of paranoia is:
Quote:
In paranoia the symptoms of delusion appear gradually, and the patient is sentimental, suspicious, irritable, introverted, depressed, obstinate, jealous, selfish, unsocial and bitter. Hence his social and family adjustment is not desirable, and while he has the highest desirable, the effort that he is prepared to expend is correspondingly little. Here the person does not acknowledge his own failures or faults, and by sometimes accepting certain qualities as belonging to himself, even when imaginary, he develops paranoia.
That's me exactly, couldn't be a more concise statement made about me other than the above paragraph. So now what do I do about it?
30 Jan 2012, 11:22 pm
