So... I suck at my job...

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Ask in one or two sentences.

Pick a nonbusy time, and allow it to go either way. If the guy grunts in response, that's all part of the zen of it. Some people really don't view it as part of their job description.

In many workplaces, this would be making it too complicated. (and also might be perceived as you talking down to the person, as if you're the boss and the one giving the explanation. Much better just to ask the question, and either the person answers it or they don't)

Mmm... this last sentence you wrote is the epitome of how I'd like all of my interactions with my chef to go... but he throws me off because he gives me the "unexpected" answer since he's also on the spectrum (but doesn't know it or doesn't tell me about it Lol). It's like I want to treat him this certain way in which I treat my superiors but we have history and he likes to "pal around" with the boys and me. SO it's always this constant not-knowing if it's joking time or serious time. He doesn't take it too hard if I screw up which is which but he tears into me if it's "joking in the serious time".

I'm curious more on how to show someone I value and appreciate my job. I have always worked on my "work ethic" thinking that if I was a perfect worker (damn OCD) I would have an easier time. THen there is doing too good, making others look bad, explaining your "off days" being way more often than "on days", etc.

I wish I could get started on this task you listed, I don't even know what the categories would be.

Thank you for your insight on this matter, it is indeed a bit more complicated than simply I suck or don't suck.

It's not so much about feedback, s**t, people can say anything to me and I'd just go 'uh huh' and never be able to tell if it was genuine or not. In fact, this is a common source for people picking on me at work, they find this out about me after a month or two because I've opened up a bit and then it's hell from there on out.

I'm pretty sure now that it's not feedback I am looking for: it's direction. I really value someone directing me, enhancing my performance with timely advice, telling me if I've messed up a dish so I don't send it out and look like a jerk (but lots of people let you burn down without helping)-- basically more communication which is stressful but very necessary. When it's slow people don't bother with that part so I get all messed up and look like I'm incompetent (she's a mess with just 2 tickets!?) but I really just get nervous and lose focus.

If I'm by myself and having a good day, I'm REALLY GOOD. (this is to clarify what I said earlier). This is the minority of the time. The rest of the time I'm working with people with different work styles and personalities than myself WHILE having to cook food, keep track of orders, keep my station clean (I'm good at this tho, I wipe s**t down just to help with transitions), etc. AND BE SOCIABLE! no one likes to work with a clam! Arggghhh.

Should move this to haven lol

I really appreciate everyone's insight and comments, I see much more clearly what the situation is, and while I may not be any closer to knowing how I'm doing at my job, I am still working there and haven't been made to quit yet!

I think overall I might just be over-concerned with what others think of me, my job performance, etc. but I can't let that go because when I do, I'm a major b***h, like there's no middle ground just on or off.

I think as a chef, you have to have that internal quality control.

I think it's uncommon to have employers hold your hand so I would just ask myself these questions.

Is your head chef rejecting your food?

Are customers returning it?

Do you see repeat customers?

I would say if the answers are no, no and yes, your doing good.

I like this. Thank you. I will probably print this and keep it as my f*****g motto for the rest of my days. Now, there is a lot of wiggle room there too but you hit the basics head-on. I akin it to Zen, if it works, do it and stop questioning why.