Can't handle fluctuations of job market.

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You know how some articles and people say aspies can be really good in the proffesional workplace because their obsession will generally make them highly skilled at something, then if they can turn that obsession into work, they will generally do quite well.... ?

Well I am one of those aspies. My obsession landed in 3D computer graphics, which happens to be easily marketable. But also has a highly fluctuating market that requires lots of 'hustling' and 'moving around'. Depending on circumstance I can make anywhere between $15 and $70 an hour. It averages out to around $30 an hour. Sounds generally good? No, it drives me crazy.

I can't handle the unknowing of amount of money coming, if money or work is coming. At all times I feel like my entire livelihood is under threat, on the borderline of homelessness. I don't have supportive family, and as most here can probably guess, I don't have any friends that are so close I could just crash on their sofa for a year in the event of disaster.

I literally just go through panic attacks about this on almost a daily basis, it's almost just become norm for me, the daily emotional meltdown about the unknowingness of money flow or what my daily routines will require to survive, or am I going to have to move out of my home and rearrange my complete living style.

I've managed to kind of 'tough it out' for years thinking I will adjust to it, I'd get used to it. I got into meditative practices which are incredibly helpful and have generally kept m together. But the constant inconsistency and unknowns of it have actually broken me down more and more over the years, to where I am getting to the point where I can't really tolerate it. It's really manifesting serious issues with me physically, constant migraines, gastral reflux, jaw clenching in sleep so hard I literally had a hole in my toot as big around as a toothpick. The inability to ever relax, can never relax. I literally work on just trying to make more money like 14 hours a day on the computer.

The thing about this though, is I am NOT in bad shape. I've been full time employed for 2 years at the same place now, the company is very supportive of me, I never even once had to explain to them I had any autism spectrum disorders, they just noticed I was odd, found amusement in it and accepted me. We have job prospects 6 months out. I know I have a stable paycheck for the next 6 months, and the prospect of work dissapearing after that is actually really slim. But it still literally drives me crazy. The lack of consistency, the lack of absolutely knowing and having no control over the situation. It isn't normal, it's my aspie tendencies for absolutely needing to know about consistency and having control over my enviroment that bring this out of me. Even thought most people would consider my state very priviliged, very good, and very stable, it's still enough to make me feel out of control enough to have daily suicidal tendencies just because I don't know for absolute certainty how the job market will be in another year. It doesn't matter how orderly, organized and consistent I can make my home, I feel like its just floating on top of a turbulent unpredictable see of job market.

I see people in way worse condition than me financially living far more fullfilling, stress free lives. Some people can just be like "Oh I don't know if I'll have money next month, thats cool" or "I don't know if I can pay rent, I'll find someway to make it through". I can't even fathom how they can do that.

Has anyone else dealt with feelings like this?

Last edited by metalab on 18 Dec 2012, 12:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

You don't have a support structure, that's the issue.

If you had a support structure, somewhere you could go and "crash on the couch for a year" (One hopes figuratively), you probably would'nt be so stressed. However, you are basicly the only one you can count on, and so you have to bear years of planning ahead on your own shoulders.

That's rough by anyone's standards.

One question I do have, do you work at an office and/or have regular interactions with co-workers?

I work in an office and have regular interactions with co-workers. I like all my co-workers alot actually.

Sounds like it's beyond your control.

So you have to remind yourself of that and go on.

In the mean time, invest in a savings account and try to get a nest egg so if something does happen, you will have something to fall back on.

Work hard and deliver a beautiful product and make people want to hire you.

That's very good advice.

Build up your savings so that you have a buffer to ride out bad times.

And keep investing in yourself by creating great products and keeping your portfolio up to date. Try to stay on the cutting edge and create value for people that few others can create, and you'll never starve for lack of work.

I personally use the occasional bout of worry or even fear as fuel for positive action. If I feel weak or out of shape, I go and exercise, and very quickly I feel better. Work is the same way; if I feel my recent projects haven't been valuable or cutting edge, I'll find some that are, or I'll even create some on my own just to boost my portfolio.

Between that and savings, you'll be okay.

I agree that you need a better support system.

Also look around and spend some time helping people who are worse off than you; it'll help keep things in perspective.