I'm feeling drained from work... Any tips to get by?

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I'm a civilian employee on working on a military base in Germany.

I have a degree in horticulture, and worked for a year at the military golf course in my community, until a disgruntled coworker threatened to kill me after I reported his intimidation tactics and harassment to my boss. The situation was such that this guy, despite a series of outbursts and attacks against other employees and even golf club members, received no disciplinary action on the grounds that "no one witnessed it." I have tried in vain for the past 8 months to have something done about this, but the solution that management came up with was to reassign me as a custodian at the local Community Club. Now that my position is to become permanent instead of the temporary reassignment that it was, I am being told that my pay will be cut with the "voluntary acceptance" of this position, despite assurance of an administrator that this would not happen.

I see a psychologist in a few days to get an official diagnosis of AS, which I hope will help protect me somewhat from future injustices as this.

My problem is that I feel an almost constant dejection. I have been foisted from my educated profession due to someone else's unresolved anger problems and the laziness on the part of administration to PROPERLY take care of this situation. My new boss is very two-faced, talks about everyone behind their backs, and sometimes even when the person of subject is in her vicinity to hear, though feigns nicety when she must. I am worked hard, only to be insulted instead of praised for it; told that I have "no common sense," despite working according to a tried and true urgency hierarchy; called "emotionally unstable" when I take issue with being destructively criticized.

A counselor has told me to let go of my anger at the situation, concentrate on something beneficial instead, like my writing, but we all know that's easier said than done.

What are some strategies that you guys have for getting past these set-backs? I am usually pretty good at getting by, but I'm having a hard time at present...

Passive resistance. Cooperate with your boss, but voice your opinion. If you have a chance take their job and do it better.

This is an unjust situation, a result of passive and ineffectual leadership.

Now, two things have helped me (get the odds more in my favor, although they are by no means sure bets).

Get someone else to advocate or negotiate for me. This is recommended in Herb Cohen's book You Can Negotiate Anything. He makes the case that a mayor or governor or president is precisely the worse person to negotiate on behalf of a city, state, or country. Get someone esle to negotiate on your behalf.

And the other part, in the negotiations, ask your advocate to strategically understate the case. For example, ' . . beginning to be a problem . . ' when it already is a problem and has been a problem for some time. Or, ' . . pay cut may not be a fair resolution to something he has handled in a mature and workmanlike fashion all along . . ' Here at WP and elsewhere, you can say what you really think. And this new boss does seem like a real work of art, pretending nice and then talking against people behind their backs. Wow, That is very immature on her part and she should know better. But in the negotiations themselves, strategic understating and having your advocate matter-of-factly asking for what you want are probably the higher percentage plays.

Thanks, Aardvark, for the advice. I'll work it into my plans of action, for sure.

The situation kind of blew up, and I had an anxiety attack at work after talking to the boss's boss, who was ridiculously condescending, saying things like "I can't -guarantee- that the sun will come up tomorrow, but I believe it will," when I pointed out that the catalytic coworker's history of workplace violence despite past consequences shows a high likelihood of repeated violence.

My boss pretended to be my mother when she saw that I was so upset, saying that she was "first and foremost concerned with taking care of [me]." Then she told me that she could give me more hours, though not in writing, to make up for the difference in pay, proceeding to tell me that she was not going to open up a position for which I would be better qualified because I have the custodian position already.

Luckily for me, these people don't really think in the long term. I can still pursue action against the violent co-worker, and the agency I would have to go through would look at the whole. As a subordinate, my behavior improved over time, despite ever more stressful situations. My superiors, however, continue to act short-sightedly, and would come off as foolish and fraudulent.

I am currently in counseling with the Employee Assistance Program, and seeking a diagnosis from the only native English-speaking psychologist in the area. I'm hoping that I can get a bit of guidance from them. I know that the EAP counselor plans on mediation with my boss and me, which should be eye-opening for her. She won't like that I'm challenging her in an official forum. But the counselor is invested in seeing me progress, so she will be playing my advocate.

I know that this is just the way the broken system feigns to function, but it's f*****g disheartening to know that I am so much less important than their bottom line. And seeing the rampant and unrepentant WASTE OF TIME and FUNDS just makes me sick, especially in light of the constant criticism thrown my way for wasting as little time as I do in a day.

That is a hard time you are going through now!

Be very careful, though, when pursuing action. Things can turn ugly and not go the way that you plan. I advocate for gracefulness and graciousness whenever possible, and I have, trust me, seen at least one really gutwrenchingly difficult time.
I now have to work with people who work with my former employers, so I can tell you that selfrestraint really pays off in the very long run.

This boss's boss is a horse's ass. Let's just get that out right now. I mean to take a report of multiple workplace violence and threats anything less than seriously, including against customers (much harder to explain away). And to instead say, "I can't -guarantee- that the sun will come up tomorrow, . . ." Wow. This person just isn't much of a boss, isn't much of a manager, isn't much of an administrator.

A halfway decent boss would have said, 'Okay, that is serious. And I will need to do my part, which is to thoroughly look into the situation. To get all information, which I will need in order to decide what action to take. And that's the right way to do it.'

In this way, the boss would also be buying himself or herself time. They might decide they need to fire the guy. Or, if they want to let someone keep a job who clearly has issues, the boss could talk to him and say, look, when you get upset, you got to figure out something to say which you believe in but which is not going to escalate the situation. (and maybe only a 30% chance talking to the guy would work.) And these two, either fire the guy or 'talk with him,' that's just average. That's not even being an exceptionally good boss.

Okay, the boss's boss is a braying horse's ass. The next step is to just take that as a given and be very strategic. More later.

I might wish the world was different. And this is a reason why students in school often don't report bullying, because they correctly perceive things will get even worse.

Okay, with the counselor with the Employee Assistance Program, now, that's a good read of the situation, that she is invested in seeing you progress. All the same as an employee of the overall larger organized, her roll is somewhat limited, that she can't be that much outside the system. Plus, mediation kind of lends itself to a split the difference kind of approach.

One thing is to just very calmly advocate general goals. 'I just want to be treated with the same respect as any other employee.' And, 'I want a safe workplace, just like any employee wants.' In this way, you would kind of be coaching up your counselor, reminding her of key points, kind of like a coach in sports might.

And I really encourage you to run multiple tracks. In particular, keep this job as you start looking for another job---and on your own terms. And try and get this EAP counselor on board regarding this if possible. And on your own terms of course means you want to do a good job here and be treated well, and may not be any time soon. And ask her if you can count on a good recommendation. You want to move up to a potentially better job just like anyone else.

I personally typically have a hard time looking for another job while with a bad job. The bad job takes too much of my positive constructive energy. Maybe fellow members here at WP have ideas. And I like the idea of looking for better jobs, including jobs that are just different and about as good. And I wish we could have Aspie Network groups in almost every city of any size that could help with some of the leg work of this.

Okay, next topic. I recommend boxing lessons, with the goal of tight, defensive boxing to a draw. Because I'm not trying to humiliate someone I may see again. And I wish this was more widely understood in my own country's foreign policy. Just three weeks of lessons, concentrating on solid blocks and quick jabs where I keep my balance, can do some good. But only with someone my own size, and even then, win some, loss some.

And please don't take a bunch of blows to the head during training, because all that stuff about post-concussion syndrome and even cumulative lesser blows, is largely true. And just like football helmets dont' really protect, neither does boxing headgear.

I've written a whole post about this.
Tight, defensive boxing to a draw. One week.
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt134616.html
It's like insurance. It's like something you're hoping not to have to use. And of course, walk away from a situation (and to an area with more people) when you reasonably can. And if someone talks a bunch of crap, don't let it phase it (of course, might report threats later if in you judgement strategic to do so).

Again, for greater confidence in bad situations. Not looking for trouble, quite the contrary.

Basically, at this point, I only have the third rung of management to go through, but I could also go directly to the Garrison Commander and/or Inspector General about the initial issue.

I understand the basics of self-defense, but thank you for the reminder. It is all about strategy, whether physical or mental.

In the mean time, I'll pursue work on the German economy. I just have to quit being lazy with my German... Also, I'm learning more about the craft of writing, which is my ultimate occupational goal, though it requires much reliance, until success, upon another less desirable job.

I appreciate the feedback!