Running out of time...

Post Reply New Topic

I'm in deep, deep trouble...

I'm, 18, have never had a job, and have very bad social anxiety, only place I feel safe is with my video games and Iron Maiden playing. Late last year I barely managed to walk into Dairy Queen and a few other placess to submit resumes with my dad. I get scared, like they're judging me (well, they are.) I don't know how I'd survive an interview, I'd need to have a beer most likely before which would be smelt on my breath. I get flushed and scared when the teacher asks me a question in college for goodness sake. I'm in my second semester. I used to "hear things" in middle school but thanks to the passage of time, Prozac, and behaivoural therapy I've tought myself not to. I never led on that one issue (or the suicidal thoughts I used to have and am now getting once more) because I didn't want a Schizoid diagnosis on top of Aspergers, social anxiety, and an auditory processing delay. Yeah, I'm f****d up, I know.

I've managed to buy a couple times things I wanted on Craigslist but panicked more often than not at the last second. I need to harness the will power of those couple times. It's mind over matter, I know. But to meet someone who's only giving you the time of day because you're paying for goods is one thing and to submit a resume after either asking for a manager or handing it to a smirking teen is quite another. I have 1 friend in real life and don't want any more because I know I'll f**k it up, I type or say things sometimes...

I know my aunt and uncle look down on me because I haven't got a job. My aunt even looks down on my mom who had several years of University but later quit her job to become a homemaker. Ironically the aunt works at her husband's work like once a week and was a homemaker herself for years while my mother used to run a daycare service from home as well while the aunt did nothing... but hey, she's a "working girl."

I'm 18, it's already strange that I have no work experience on my resume and I'm in fear about my parents dying and me ending up homeless and starving to death because I can't bring myself to beg for food.

I feel dead on my feet, please help, please.

Do you realize labels can be locks? Diagnoses should only be used as verbs. Calling Aspergers a diagnosis is like hunting dogs giving the German Shepherd breed the diagnosis of suffering from herding syndrome.

For example, diagnoses like Catatonia (Tension Insanity) are helpful for providing a term to describe what condition a person is in, but only if it is clear that this is not something necessarily permanent that can only go into remission. As with most things, when you figure out the cause and remove it, the symptoms cannot come back.

Psychologists and Psychiatrists do have it right in saying there is an imbalance going on in the brain. What they're not trained to realize is that the imbalance is the symptom . . . not the cause.

I highly recommend people read –> Mad in America <– and what –> Dr. David Healy <– (a brilliant psychiatrist, psychopharmacologist, and scientist.) says.

If someone is open-minded enough, consider what's said about Schizophrenia at these links: –> Schizophrenia – A Scientific Delusion? by Mary Boyle <– and –> Schizophrenia – A Nonexistent Disease by Lawrence Stevens, J.D.. <–

The first paragraph of the first link's page states:

Here's a sample from the second link's second paragraph:


NaturalNews.com has a great article called –> Don't let your child see a psychiatrist. Ever <– by Jon Rappoport

Glancing through the –> Index to SSRI Stories <– should be an eye-opening experience.

Dr. Karl Augustus Menninger – an American psychiatrist and a member of the Menninger family of psychiatrists who founded the Menninger Foundation and the Menninger Clinic in Topeka, Kansas) – said the word schizophrenia means nothing. Check out the publication –> The Great Discovery of Karl and Will Menniger. <–

Here are some other trustworthy experts on the subject of diagnoses: Dr. Jay Adams (nouthetic.org), David Powlison, M.Div., Ph.D., Lawrence J. Crabb, Jr., Morgan Scott Peck (23 May 1936 – 25 September 2005; psychiatrist), Dr. Scott A. Johnson, Malcolm Bowden, Rev. Dr. Robert J. K. Law (living), William Law (born 1686 - died April 9, 1761), Martin Mayman, and Paul Pruyser.

Instead of escaping into playing video games and Iron Maiden, spend your time educating yourself. If you don't, then you will be in deep, deep trouble . . .

Only you can help yourself. I think the only thing you need is to know what direction to begin changing your life. What I've offered here is what I wish I had when I was your age. It would have saved me a lot of grief.

First of all, 18 isn't that old, many people also don't have jobs by then as they have/are just finishing school. Or even later as they go into university/college, though most people try to obtain some work experience during that time to spice up their resume. It's never easy when you're first starting off but everyone has to start somewhere.

For the interviews, see if you can find a way to relax (I'm not an expert on this but do a search for relaxation techniques and see what works for you). Another thing you should try to do is do loads of practice on them (think of the standard questions that can be asked in any interview and prepare some answers and rehearse them many times - whilst people might say this comes at the risk of sounding 'scripted', it'll at least get you through the questions the first few times you go to interview and helps avoid getting stuck). Ideally get someone to help you practice with (and even do mock interviews when you're ready). Of course these are just the first steps - there's many other things you need to be aware of, do a search for interview techniques and sample questions and answers. This will give you an idea of what to expect - once you know what to expect it becomes less daunting.

The other thing is once you're reached at least some level of preparation is to just go for some real interviews. Don't worry if the first few go badly - it's all practice and you can identify where you can improve on for further interviews. Don't think of interviews as interrogations, it's more a conversation for the company to know more about you (and vice versa). While it's easy to think interviewers are out to get you, really this isn't the case - in fact they don't want to reject you considering they've already taken the time to read your resume and invite you for the interview. As one of my friends rightly points out, 'they want to see you succeed'.

I would ignore your aunt and uncle - you're not any less of a person just because you don't have a job. For me, my mum's also a homemaker, and as I'm a university student when it comes to the long summer break my mum keeps expecting me and my siblings to get some work experience. Trouble is, she doesn't work herself and seems to only play games on Facebook most of the time.

+ What type of work are you in search of?
+ What skills do you possess and hoe would those skills translate in the workplace/in a specific career field?
+ What factors will hinder your performance and how will you address these factors?

These are important personal questions to have answers to prior to embarking on a job search.
When going for an interview, the company will likely ask questions about how you will benefit the company, to tell them about their company (don't lie on this - just do your research and tell them what you do know), your work ethic/how others describe your work ethic, and why you want to work for their company. Your local Job and Family Services facility should have a free booklet about seeking employment.

Boy, you sound just like I did at 18. I know exactly what you are talking about, the little things everyone else can handle feel like walking to the executioner. If there is on thing I can tell you it's don't force yourself too hard. I did and it cost me three years of my life. I was terrified of starting college ,at the time I did not know that I had Aspergers, yet I went along with the college route like my brother and sister. Long story short, I became suicidal for God knows how long. I just turned 23 a day ago and although I have only just started taking college courses again I feel better transitioned to the new lifestyle and am happier for it. It will get better, just listen to what you feel comfortable with and try the following techniques.

1. If you are acting in public stop. Don't try to hide the fact that you are autistic by pretending. It looks cheap and feels like s**t.

2. Learn to focus focus focus. I recommend when you are nervous to squeeze your thumb to pick up a pulse. Focus on the beat and breath deeply yet slowly to lower the heart rate. (lowering the eyelids help)

3. If you are speaking or thinking slow the words down and listen more than talk.

4. If you feel like you are getting more and more nervous stop what you are doing immediately. Give yourself a minute timeout and calm yourself. ( this is very important! )

5. You don't have to be perfect at everything you try. Just try to have fun!

Ugh, just lost my very long answer.

Trying again, more briefly.

What I hear in your post is a lot of anxiety. Have you ever been treated for this? Getting a handle on whether or not your anxiety issues can be mitigated will be an important first step in determining your ability to hold a job, and in deciding what type of work you can reasonably consider.

Next, spend time thinking about what you CAN do, instead of what you cannot do. What are your skills? Are you precise and detailed? Good at math? Able to quickly figure out new software programs? Do you draw or write? Are you organized or unorganized, fast or slow at most things? Build a list and include everything you can think of, even if you can't see how that talent could ever be used in a job. Then your parents or a career counselor can help you narrow it down into something more useful for a job search.

Be aware that common entry level jobs like Dairy Queen are probably inappropriate to your skill set. The hospitality industry relies heavily on people skills, and that is the one skill you would probably say you most lack. For an NT, it is the one skill that does not require any training, and thus those types of jobs became popular entry level choices. Since you are wired differently, you are going to have to be more creative and think out of the box.

Consider if you might have skills that could be sold on-line, either by creating your own business or working with a credible company. Web design, tech trouble-shooting, and message board moderating jobs are all done remotely, more often than not, without ever meeting face to face. If having an interview creates insurmountable anxiety, you may have to try a different direction.

Finally, forget the relatives. You don't have to launch tomorrow unless your parents insist on it. Parents like me, however, commonly assume that our ASD kids will need education and support until age 25 or so in order to gain the skills and be ready for suitable and rewarding careers. If you have that time, use it, and use it wisely. Build on your unique talents, instead of worrying about what someone else's assumptions say you should do.

I know you worry about something happening to your parents, but that isn't something you can allow yourself to focus on; odds really are against you facing that issue in the next few years (unless there is something you haven't posted). They are there to help you, and you should not worry about relying on that help for the time that you need it. I don't know how to help you push these tangential thoughts out of your mind, but you have to, because they feed the anxiety and make your panic worse, which is counterproductive. Develop a path and stay focused on it. Don't let thoughts like that interfere because, well, you just can't if you are ever going to get anywhere. Deep breath, do things that help you calm yourself, and focus (harder to do than to write, I realize that, but work on the will for it).