I keep feeling really depressed about going to work. I've had 7 days off, which was so nice, and I just can't face going back tomorrow.
I've figured out that work is so much fun when you're a confident, chatty NT with attractive social skills and working with other people who love you, although NTs don't really appreciate it. If I was naturally like that, I would be happier to work full time and would be able to adapt more to the rigid routine of having to go to the same place 5-6 days a week, mixing with the same people and not feeling lonely or fed up.
At the moment I just do part time (4 days one week, 2 days the next week), which I can just about handle, but I keep worrying that one day I will have to work full time. And this is not anything to do with laziness. It's to do with my emotional state and my lack of social skills. It is nice to be occupied, but having spare time in the week to myself to pursue my special interests and not have to be somewhere and interact with people, is what I need. After all, I wasn't diagnosed with Asperger's for nothing.
Also I find I get really bored at work. I do cleaning at an old people's home, but it's 6 hours in a day so it gets tiring, but although it's a very active job, it also gets very tedious, and I start getting distracted with things like looking at photos on their shelves in their rooms, etc, because I get too bored otherwise. Plus there's too much time, so I find I have to slow everything down, which makes time go very slow, even if I give myself extra little tasks to do. And some of the other workers there know I have this label I am ashamed with, and they talk to me like I'm a baby, which makes me feel patronized.
Sorry, just had to rant a bit about work. I should appreciate having a job, but I'm like an NT, I take what I have got for granted.
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Female
