Is This Something I Should Discuss With My Supervisor

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I have not been officially diagnosed, but I start my therapy on Tuesday. I have known for sometime, but it is getting more difficult to work with without real help because my self-coaching is getting less effective and I am able to see what other's may recognize in me now. I work as the manager's right hand person and coordinate reports and training needs. Our communication is not optimal, but she can depend on me because I am good "at those types of things"...

I suspect she knows that there is something wrong with me and has for sometime, but I was the best candidate for the position when hired. She has one NT social butterfly work with me a lot on workgroups and training. She also has me not do a lot of things that my position should have me do including training independently and presenting information to the public.

My review last year related to "tunnel vision", "having full knowledge, but not be able to explain effectively", but with a lot of good things including excellent with reports and various projects. My job is not on the line, but I do not know if it's appropriate to clue her in on what is going on.

I have held this job for two years and worked for the same public employer for 15. I have a clean disciplinary record. I am very valuable in research, reports and being the "go to" guy for other things that others do not or cannot do. I think if I let her know it will not affect my job, but we cannot be 100% sure.

Have you had like experiences? What are your thoughts and how would you go about this? This has been eating me up for some time.

Based upon my personal experience, I do not think you should approach your supervisor with this insight. First, you seem to be an exemplary employee - I know they appreciate you and all you do. You know, if you had asked me this same question three years ago, I would have recommended that being candid and forthright is best. Now I know differently and the hard way. Even if your supervisor is a good person who means well (and it seems so from what you've posted), please do not ever entrust her with such information which can, under worst conditions, become her arsenal. Disclosure is only as good as those to whom you disclose it to. Remember too that she may likely share the information with others and that can quickly get out of control. Disclosure is irreversible and never be retracted.

From my insight (mostly via Wrong Planet) of most Aspies (definitely myself included) tend to think that others are judging our behaviour far more than they actually are. There have been times when I have been so scared, thinking others are suspect of my 'differences,' that I can nearly make myself sick with worry. And all for naught. I know that even neurotypicals can have unusual behaviours/mannerisms, so unless yours are entirely bizarre (and I am sure they are not!), then be confident. Being shy myself, I can be too conscientious.

I can understand this matter is eating you up - it is hard and, in private, I am kind-of grappling with the same right now. There's not much worse than betrayal of trust and in the workplace, trust is paramount. IMO, I would not share with another unless you have known them for a really, really long time and you have full confidence in their honour from earned experiences. And that you would not be in any position to be hurt by them. (Or maybe in a personal/intimate relationship, which is not your case here). Sharing personal information will not win you any compassion, but it can do the opposite. Worst case scenario, discrimination is all too real and you would have no recourse. There have been times when I've been far too trusting, and then I get hurt because I overestimated their worthiness.

I think 'keep calm and carry on' applies here. Maybe you could instead confide in your new therapist, or a close personal friend, but leave your supervisor outside of this.

Thank you Labpet,

I was logically thinking the same, but I have difficulty with concealing information. I feel like I am lying to her every time something comes up and I understand it's based on my condition that I am not being forthright about. I was also thinking this is the opportune time since I have an appointment and to let the cat out of the bag.

You are responding much like I would respond to myself if I were thinking objectively. I was not looking for her sympathy as much for her to understand what I am for her edification. However, lowering that barrier has far greater potential to lead to harm rather than good.

It will probably be best to phrase my off time as "medical appointments" and leave it at that. We do not have the type of relationship that she would ask me what I was going for, so it's all for the best.

This is a big help -- you have no idea. I could have made a silly error.

I know what you mean.......I am honest to a fault and once I felt that to not tell something would be a lie of omission. But that is wrong. In a sense, disclosure can mean giving someone power that is leverage. Now I envision in this way: Imagine if I had a bank safety box filled with gold. Entrusting someone with your key is giving them permission to rob you.

Anyhow, even if you had told her, you would not have made a silly mistake - the mistake would be there own if they chose to misuse the knowledge. Well, all the best with your upcoming diagnostics (and no worries about work).

Thanks again Labpet,

I know what I am, so the only roadblock with the diagnostics is getting to the point that I get a diagnostic. I tried to rule it out in so many ways for the past few years since I realized it. However, my attempts to stuff it down have started to backfire (that with a few more years) made it worse (like if I had a nut allergy and forcing myself to eat nuts). For so long, I thought I was just "quirky", "officious" or "eccentric", but I know and come to terms that those are incomplete/inaccurate descriptors as well as every other condition I reviewed that sometimes get compared to an ASD is. (IRL, I would say like, "uhh...thanks" and walk away - maybe I should have done it here, but I am trying not too sensor myself.)

Unfortunately, this is one of those tragically ironic situations where you are expected to "take the hint" and read the unspoken cue that you are not to bring up a demand for being permitted to do independent training and give public announcements (even if such demand is based on your need for dignity as a person with Aspergers). It would be tantamount to accusing her of discrimination - which in a way it is, but not overtly so, and would be difficult to prove if things escalated.

If you were to bring up the demand (accompanied by your Dx disclosure), I am fairly sure the most probable response would be something cliche like "ok, we'll see" or "well, we all have our respective talents and strengths, and this is where you fit best".

If you JUST bring up your Aspergers Dx without a demand for participation in those job duties mentioned, then she might "take the hint" that this is what you're looking for, but then again, that will just be what it currently is - an unspoken topic with an unspoken expectation. If anything it will just validate her keeping you away from those job duties.

If, and only if, it got to the point where you didn't have enough work during the day to keep you occupied, and it was accompanied by harassment like put-downs and snapping and sabotage, THEN you could have a case for constructive dismissal if this continued after your disclosure (depending on your jurisdiction) but it sounds like you are far from that, and have enough on your plate to keep you busy there.

In the meantime, I would get involved in any kind of "volunteer" activity or when they have some district conference or one-day workshop or something, and there is individual participation, you could let your colours shine by getting up and speaking on some topic in front of the group - if you show boldness and do it well, she may well consider you for the aforementioned job duties

Hope that helps!!