Job, stress, ugh

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I am very good at my job. In fact, I'm normally like a computer. I am meticulous by nature. However, I'm fraying at the edges. The stress from my home life (sassy tween stepdaughter and two biological sons with PDD-NOS) have left my brain pretty much mush. I used to have a high IQ. I half-seriously joke that I lost at least ten IQ points with each child I birthed.

I hate making travel arrangements. Too many ends to tie together. So this week my boss had me making travel arrangements for 5 trips. I want to pull out my hair. I feel my sanity flooding away from me. It all came to a head yesterday when he said, "We'll deal with the last trip tomorrow. I know how frazzled you get when there are a lot of trips going on at once."

He was being very kind, but I'm PISSED f*****g OFF AT MYSELF for letting my stress be so apparent and showing in the quality of my work. That he would say that means that my inadequacies are showing. I am very upset and feeling so goddamn STUPID and flawed right now. I used to pride myself on being a stellar employee. Now, I'm just another dumb worker. I'm so mad I could scream.

Go ahead and scream. Get your angst out of the way. A few days ago a co-worker got under my skin. Oy! I wanted to choke her. It was close to quitting time anyway, so when I was alone in my car about 30 minutes later, I screamed and cussed her out. No one heard me but it sure felt good to get it out of my system.

I love to work. I am also meticulous about it and I hustle. In fact I am so fast I make everyone else look slow (a lot of people are saying it to me these days, though not in a spiteful way but in a complimentary way; twice today, even). I love not only the physical labor part, but also the interaction with customers. I'm a person who loves to stay busy and I somehow find fun in everything I've ever done. As I like to say: if I'm movin,' I'm groovin.'

I've been here for a few months now and I'm extremely happy where I'm at; the other jobs I've had up until Albertson's has made me out to be lazy, but here my hard work is noticed and appreciated. When from being told I'm too lazy and/or that I can't handle any other position and having the laziest kids get promoted, to them offering me a promotion after 3 days of employment. My boss in my former department said I'm the hardest worker he's ever seen and he can't understand why I got treated the way I did. Albertson's is a great company and I'm treated like family there. They are very good at taking care of their employees. They'll pay for your drug rehab if you needed it (true story, seen it happen).

You may want to talk with your doctor. I totally relate to what you have just described, and refer to it as "freezing up from being overwhelmed" and my normal work ethic suffers. When that happens, he will normally adjust my depression medication or switch me to something else.

NOT suggesting that you have depression, only noting that I identify with what you posted. Either way, I would talk with him/her as it could be something that can be addressed from a physical perspective.