Obligatory after work party

Post Reply New Topic

I had to go out with he whole group tonight. Loud music lots of babble. I am totall wiped out now. I know I have to do this but I hate it. I feel like vomiting.

"Had to"? As if your life depended on it?

Been there, done that.

IOW it is a professional social obligation with ramifications involving his future employment with said group.

I hate when that happens.

Life depended on it? No. Merely economic life.


"Had to" as in my job depended on it. Since my job supports three adults and two children, rather a lot of my life depends on keeping that job.


[edited to add:]
So when I got home, I had to go lie down on my bed and cry. I believe this was some sort of automatic process to release self-generated medication. Because after about 20 minutes of being totally withdrawn and curled in a ball, I was able to help my kids finish their math homework and generally get on with life.

Keep foam earplugs readily available. It may help with the noise.

Thanks, it would normally be a good idea. The problem in this specific case is that you are supposed to listen to your colleagues and join in the conversation periodically. You also have to smile at appropriate moments, which means monitoring everything very closely.

Despite not drinking anything but cranberry juice and seltzer yesterday evening, I feel hung over today. I have been at work for hours now, and have only just managed to get my mind into a productive state.

There is no way they can guess how exhausting/what an ordeal that environment is for me, and there are all sorts of important reasons they do it ("bonding," "group cohesion," etc.) that this will always be a periodic requirement of the job. Learning how to appear to a) not hate it and b) enjoy parts of it is (for me) a survival skill. Like not eating spaghetti or angel hair pasta at the interview lunch, some of these after-hours coping strategies are part of what people on the spectrum need to learn as part of preparing to navigate the working world.

Last edited by Adamantium on 03 Oct 2013, 9:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

Then try electronic hearing protection. Clamps down on db automatically. It might look odd, though.

There was one place I applied for (when I was young and idealistic) that I later found out has an unwritten rule that you had to go to phony social or "charity" functions monthly. If you didn't, you can be sure your contract would not be renewed and you would have no chance of getting past the ground floor (which was one step above indentured servitude). I am so thankful to have a stable, permanent, full time job where I don't see my co-workers past quitting time, if at all. Last time I went to a party with loud music, I ran over and turned the volume down as I fled to a quieter room. That really helped me win friends

I hate having to deal with such events. I don't understand how my coworkers can have them so often. When they invite me to go out after work I think, "didn't we just do that 3 months ago?" Once a year would be more reasonable to me. I have to go to a coworker's house tonight and I am not looking forward to it. The hardest part, as you say, is acting like I don't hate being there and having to periodically interject something substantive into the conversation. I feel exhausted just thinking about it right now. But such is life I guess. Unless I worked in an office full of Aspies this is just something I will have to deal with.

As much as you don't want to hear it at least you are getting invited so you are doing enough of an act that they like you. Next time you can leave early. Just say you are tired without the details of why. That is still not lying to them.

After-work parties are common at my workplace; we have a happy hour that we all do once a month. After a full day of work, the last thing I want to do is go to another social event, but I've realized that it's politics to do so, much as I might not want to. I'm good at the beginning, though--I have my one-drink-only at the beginning of the party and that loosens me up for a while. But I still have to resist that fight-or-flight response when the music or the conversation or whatever get to be too much for me. I did, actually, flee once from a party early.

There is no way I can have an enjoyable social experience that does not involve me drinking lots of alcohol. Maybe if I was on medication, but then I wouldn't feel anything anyway.

Are you tee total? Otherwise, I'd definitely strongly advise some alcohol consumption for these scenarios, just find something that works for you - usually sparkling wine is the best one for me to socialise on.