Suddenly it all makes sense!

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"At the top of the list of jobs to be avoided are positions dealing with sales or customer service." -Aspergers From The Inside Out

I've been reviewing my job history, which is all over the place. I'm a creative, and I've used temping as an admin assistant and receptionist, waiting tables, and restaurant hostessing to pay the bills. I've worked as a production assistant on movies, and as a Java and DB programmer. I pass pretty well and am what others call attractive, so people try to push me into more visible roles in my day job. They try to switch me into things with MORE client interaction.

A few years ago I was working at a startup, and I'd been hired as a Jr. Database Admin, which I am FINE with.

Then my boss tried to groom me into being a Business Analyst, which seemed to be, for him, a mix of reviewing, recommending and implementing various software for large companies, AND going out drinking all the time. He wanted me to go to Vegas for a Business Intelligence conference and take prospective clients out for dinner and for drinks. NOW I REALIZE THAT THIS IS THE WORST POSSIBLE THING HE COULD HAVE DONE. I am not a schmoozy wine-and-dine person. All of the lights and things seem really garish and overwhelming to me. The slot machines everywhere are gross. I was happy to test and make recommendations on various software packages. But whoa! Going to Vegas? (I hate Vegas.) Taking strangers out for drinks and trying to convince them of why they should hire us? Absolutely wrong.

Then at my last job, I was an Executive Assistant at a hedge fund. They saw that I was really smart, and they tried to groom me to be an analyst. That is kind of awesome, really, that they saw potential in me. But a lot of what the interns and I were asked to do was market research. Call strangers and ask them what they thought of a product or company. Go to a place of business and ask people what they thought of that business. Sometimes to get people to trust me and share their knowledge, I'd have to lie about who I was (asking homeowners what they thought about a vacation rental site, pretending I was a homeowner who was thinking of using the site). I hated lying to people, especially as some of them loved sending me emails and advice, and like they wanted to be friends. And sometimes (most of the time), people saw right through me and hung up on me. I'd be crying in the bathroom from stress. NOW I REALIZE THAT THIS KIND OF WORK WAS ALL WRONG FOR ME! One of the interns kept getting kicked out of business after business, but he kept going to the next one. I could never do that.

Also, no wonder my GM at a restaurant was reluctant to promote me from hostess to cocktail waitress! I'm fine and cordial and totally pleasant as a hostess, but I was absolutely totally not into hierarchical behavior -- ass-kissing wealthy VIPs who were sometimes horribly gross people (the guy who came in all the time with hookers, the guy who would bring in his trashy girlfriends and if his wife showed up, the staff would hide them and hustle them out the back exit, the guy who wanted blow jobs from his favorite waitress in return for huge tips). I would be cordial to them, but not fawning, which is what my managers did and wanted me to do. Couldn't do it. I think it's gross.

Having all of this new knowledge is really great! Now that I KNOW that sales and customer service are totally wrong for me, I can stop trying to excel in things that are wrong for me! And if I feel it's safe to disclose, I can tell someone who wants to move me or train me for a thing I'm not right for, that I appreciate their belief in me, but that is not a good fit for me and why!

Amazing. This feels very freeing and enlightening.

Now I can focus on exploring more appropriate things.

Glad you have seen the light and now can make better choices. Unbelievably bad management where executives see a good looking female and assumes that she would be good in a job dealing with the public.

As for waitressing I am shocked that so many on the spectrum have had that job. I would be fired for dropping everything long before I burn out from dealing with the public. Motor coordination problems is a recognized trait.

Good for you!

I have had a similar feeling of relief and "OHH.....I get it now" when looking back over my life.

I haven't done waitressing -- I think even in my then-unawareness of my possible HFA I realized I wouldn't be able to handle the hectic environment. But I was in customer service, cashier jobs, all forms of retail, was also considered generally attractive plus also warm and personable -- because I am a friendly person when called upon to be, it's just that it burns me out and I suffer later -- and therefore was pushed to forward positions, and burned out in a ball of flame at every job I ever had. Until I became self employed at something very plain but which at least lets me be alone. I too am a creative type, arts, etc.

In coming to realize as an adult that my issues seem to be overwhelmingly spectrum disorder stuff, suddenly my whole lifetime made sense viewed through that lens. It's complicated but it is also a relief.

I haven't worked in DBA but SQA and mobile development have been similarly harsh on my sensibilities. As far as tech is concerned, most firms are all talk unless what they build or maintain means otherwise. Lately I've given honest consideration to working as an IT analyst, but you're absolutely right that I shouldn't pursue that in the wrong place. I don't just shun frivolity, I actively steer clear of it in all respects. Also, you're right that Vegas, as an aspie, is among the absolute worst places I've ever been. I don't even like hearing the city buses outside my house, let alone millions of gamblers and the distractions that keep them in place.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Good for you for seeing the light. Sometimes I think when we don't know what we want to do, we sort of just go for whatever's available, regardless of whether or not it's appropriate for our skills. I always aspired to be a writer, but got detoured along the way with jobs in data entry and as a receptionist--both jobs I was terrible for, but I couldn't figure out how to achieve my goals.

So you know what you're not good at and don't like--do you know what you're good at and do like? Maybe channeling your energy that way will help you get greater career satisfaction.