There's nothing I want to do.

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I left college about a year ago for many reasons. I hated my course, the social aspect of going to college drained me and I easily found myself in depressive episodes, my friends turned out not to be very good friends and I had just been diagnosed with Aspergers. I found walking to college and back difficult too as my social anxiety was much worse back then. Basically, I just felt every college day was just 9 hours of boredom and social anxiety. I was putting too much effort into something I got nothing out of and it just drained me and messed up my emotional health so I left.

Its been a year now and I haven't got much done. I mainly stay at home by myself and occasionally go out with my parents. I quite like just staying home because it means my mental health is more stable than when i'm forced to go out everyday and I suppose its just more comfortable for me. However I do feel lazy and guilty whenever I tell people I don't go to college or work, especially as I get DLA. It's not that I dont want to do anything with my life, it's just that nothing interests me. I hate and totally disagree with the ethics of working just to get money like most people do, I dont want to sell out my happiness for money. I think that's a sad cycle of life thats all too common nowadays. I just don't know what to do really but I do know that I would like to work for myself at home. I've had ideas what I could do but then after a while I dont find it interesting anymore. I rarely have long lasting hobbies("special interests", I suppose) but when I do, I would prefer to keep them to myself as a way to escape the outside world, so I dont really want to get a job to do with them because it feels like theyve been exposed and are no longer mine to use to escape. So I don't really know what to do, and I sometimes worry about the future and worry what my family thinks of me. It's just that everything seems too bland, boring or is too social. Does anyone else feel like this, and if yes, what do you do? Do you have any advice what I could do? Sorry this was kind of a long post, I tend to go on Also, i'm new to WrongPlanet so hello

People don't work at mundane jobs because they are selling out to get money. They do it because they need money to survive. You can't buy food if you don't have money.

When I was a teenager I suffered from serious depression and could only manage a part tim cleaning job for a few hours each week. I lived with my parents so they fed me. Home was safe for me and I enjoyed being alone in the house all day.

I can't remember at what point I felt well enough to look for full time work again, but I did start working and left home eventually and now I wouldn't give up the freedoEom and independance it gives me for anything, even though I hate my job.

Dunno if that helps or not.

OP your story fits me very well. I am trying to work toward some entrepeneurial ventures right now. I feel that coming up with ideas and plans for things and being able to do creative things at my (relative) leisure, is the only way I will be able to live a life and earn money without also falling victim to my symptoms and possibly spiraling into complete depression and eventual self-harm. I know that sounds harsh but I feel like I can only be happy and able to work and contribute to society if I am not held back.

I know it isn't going to be as "easy" as getting a degree and working a normal job, it may not ever make me as much money, but I value the ability to be creative and just be myself over being pigeon holed into 40 hour work weeks.

Also I wanted to come back and note that by 'self-harm' I mean a lot of things, when you fall into bad states it can come in many forms, some people start drinking or overeating, some people neglect hygiene. I myself feel that I am at high risk for alcohol abuse, I struggled with drinking a long time ago and got away from it, but there is a lot of alcohol abuse in my family, I fully believe I have a genetic predisposition to easily forming an alcohol addiction or reliance.

THIS.

I've had little to no drive to do most ANYTHING in life. The one time I was passionate about something, it wouldn't happen for me.

A job is about a means to pay my bills. Without one, I get depressed just sitting around with nothing better to do, and even if the job isn't great, it at least gets me out...gives me a routine for the day.

I understand that I need money for bills, food, petrol etc but when I say that I don't want to sell out my happiness, I mean I don't want to have to be forced to do something that's going to have a negative effect on my happiness because I need material things. Yet I also understand that NOT having these things will also cause me stress. I guess I just need to find something I can do at home.

What a privileged society we live in.

I recommend this program produced by the BBC. This is how people live in the developing world. They have no choice but to slog for little money.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WtUZzVA7Ic

It's not uncommon for autistic individuals to feel like this, I think. I am in a similar position myself, except with more realistic sounding ideas. It's very tough, especially if people around you know that you are trying hard.

That said, the more realistic the possibilities are in trying to generate income, the more patient you can afford to wait (even when people around you are not). However, if the possibilities are unrealistic, then you have to suck things up and try to get to some more realistic possibilities.

We can't live in a fantasy world forever. For me, for example, I am doing what I can to figure out ways to make my dreams more of a possibility now. If after a certain time, though, then I might have to abandon ship, especially if the adjustments I make are not working as effective as I hope.