I am too lenient!!

Post Reply New Topic

There are jobs I would love to do, but I know I will be too lenient, too passive, probably timid too. I would love to work with children under 5. I have tried it before a few years ago, and I was so quiet and nervous and I just could not be bossy or authoritative or anything like that at all, although I would love to be. I knew in my head what I had to do, but I just felt too timid and anxious to verbalize it and make the children listen to me like they did the other adults there. I felt too shy to read a story or to sing with the children, even though they were only toddlers. I just don't know what it is with me. I don't like bossing other people's children about. If I had kids of my own, then yeah I know I would be different, but other people's kids I just don't feel right with. If I was to be looking after small children on my own, I think I would be put in prison for letting the children run off and get lost or having some nasty accident, due to me being too timid to keep order. But at the same time I wish I wasn't like this but I don't know how to not be.

I do cleaning at a nursing home at the moment, and even then I sometimes get into situations that make me anxious, like if a resident with Alzheimer's is trying to get out of the door and escape and there are no carers around to call and so I've got to act quick and save the resident from escaping and becoming a danger to his or herself. I just get too afraid to be authoritative. I don't know why. It makes me so miserable and makes me feel like I'm useless. I just want a job where I am out of the way not dealing with anybody (colleagues are different). I think about people's dignity too much and don't like to put them in distress, even though sometimes you need, like they say, ''to be cruel to be kind''. An elderly person with Alzheimer's needs to be encouraged to come away from danger, even though they are in distress and want to go home and feel more frustrated with you telling them what to do, you've still got to ignore that just so they don't get into danger. But I can't ignore that. And with a child, you need to teach them right from wrong, you can't let them run amok around you. But because I'm too lenient to do anything, that would most likely happen to me, simply because I'm afraid to upset them if I did tell them off.

Ahh! It's so annoying! Does anyone else have this problem? Are there ways to gain skills with authority???

You sound like a glass half empty person. It sounds to me that the nursing home where you work has a lack of carers to take care of patients who wander. Thank goodness they have you working there! For the price of a cleaner your nursing home also gets a pseudo carer who values human life and watches for the patients there. That makes you a highly valued member of the staff there. I just hope they appreciate you.

read some books on assertiveness. it's about looking for the win-win way of saying something that preserves the rights and dignity of others while getting your point across. for example, if a little kid is headed for a busy street, tempt them with a game of catch rather than saying, "no, don't go into the street."

Maybe, don't make it about the person, make it about the thing----meaning, don't make it like SHE is doing something wrong; but, that it is wrong to go outside. For example, if a lady is leaving the nursing home, instead of running up to her, pulling her back, and saying: "No, no, you can't go out there", say: "Where are you going Mrs. Whatever?" When she says she wants to go home, or whatever, just ask her if anyone would be at home, when she got there, or if someone was coming to get her, or something like that. She'll probably tell you she doesn't know----to either question----and then say, "Well, let's find-out", and guide her back to safety. That way, she'll probably CHOOSE to go with you, and you're not taking away her dignity. Then, get ahold of the closest caregiver, and PRIVATELY tell them what just happened, and let THEM handle it, from there.

The biggest, most valuable lesson I've learned about taking care of old people is to make it about the thing, and NOT them.

It's a great commodity: the ability to care about the older person, so the person could live out his/her life in dignity.