Today was jarring. I started working my first day at a work assessment doing data entry work with an assessor assigned to me by BRS. Micromanagement was intense. Brain turned more sludge-like with every verbal instruction given. Fatigue was extreme. They had coffee stations for those into stimulant narcotics in a cup. Probably not stuff I'd want to mix with my Adderall medicine. The open office plan left me feeling very vulnerable and exposed. Everything had an exact one-true procedure to doing things.
Contrast with life prior. Private office at home with a door. Quiet. Autonomous. Interesting challenging projects of my own choosing. A bed I could nap in when sleepy. Batteries recharged afterwards and ready to take on more interesting stuff. Freedom to say "bored now" 5 minutes into a project and walk away.
And holy crap is freedom ever empowering! From January to now, over 700 Khan Academy modules completed. Knowledge in software development topics expanded in several topics thanks to a special flash card system I set up. Tools written for myself and my wife to solve our own problems. A ton of neat spidering web scraping projects to learn more about the business world outside. A recent confidence regained for sharing my work with the world.
The sense I get is that of being attacked by invaders. I acknowledge that the feeling is irrational and that there are real economic factors at play justifying the interventions of these aliens into my home world. But this was still pretty much full-frontal attack on my way of life. ...... again. Not rational. Purely just the feeling. But boy is this feeling real and boy does it suck.
09 Dec 2014, 9:51 pm
