I Have Some Issues That Need to be Worked On

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I don't know where to start with this post.

I just left my job, as an insurance agent; I didn't like it and wasn't making it there. I have been having a rough time of it lately. I am 28 and single, and I haven't made things work yet. ...I thought that I would, by now.

Things are kind of hard to condense in this post. I have a lot of issues, a lot going on with myself right now. I feel like I'm all over the place - especially since I just left my job this week. I deal with a lot of anxiety and, depression. My mind is usually disorganized/scattered and it's hard for me to organize my thoughts. I don't know what I want to do with myself. I have a few ideas. A part of me really wants to go to Europe to maybe do some teaching there. I could stay here in Texas and find something, that is what I am doing now. Sometimes... it gets so hard to see - see, what I want to do. In one moment I decide something, the next my emotions shift and I feel differently. They are like ideas in my head - the emotions - and I have the inkling my brain works different than other peoples. I'm not dx Aspergers. Most people think I don't have it. I thought there's a good chance I might, so that's why I'm here. I also think I fit a lot of the criteria for emotion dysregulation or, borderline personality disorder (bpd), due to the fluctuating rapidity of my moods and perceptions. My ideas on things change so much. It's weird because they are not changing to something new always; much of the time I'll cycle around to the things I remembered before - but nothing stays the same, and I can't make plans on anything. I feel like I have a house on quicksand. Dx's don't mean much to me - I've had a bunch in my life. Some 3 people can look at you and hear the same thing, and then tell you 3 completely different opinions. Yea.

So ...that's where I'm at. I'm just trying to figure some of this out. There has to be leeway for change, where I didn't go before or didn't know how, and failed.

Thanks y'all

Now I think you're making sense.

I'm sorry you lost your insurance job.

Insurance sales is just not Aspie-friendly, like most sales-related jobs.

Teaching is more suitable.

Are you getting unemployment insurance?

No, I'm not getting unemployment insurance. I have medical insurance for about another year ...without the job - so I'm very lucky I think. Although I never go to the doctor anyway.

I think I would make a good teacher..I never considered it though. Not seriously, anyway - because I always thought of it as "lower" for me, ...I don't mean any offense by this, but it was just my feelings. I think a large part of that had to do with always being told to get something 'higher' and distinguishable that would pay a lot, like a doctor or lawyer, or scientist or something. ....I'm still relatively young - but not getting any younger, and I would really like to turn my life around, before it's too late. There is profound disappointment and unmet ambition inside me for achieving something, some thing I can be proud of and content of.

I don't mean to complain but, I've got a few kinks that need working out, but I don't know how to. I don't know if I have AS, the doctors here and any professionals have been unhelpful in providing information for assessment; my intuition is that none of them take it seriously, they don't care about Aspergers for some reason.
I think it might, however, be a part of the equation just from the experiences I so often hear others relate- like sensory overload and needing to shut down, having to process too much at once while others are fine and needing a break, or having to stim or do things repetitively. I'm also very smart and very intelligent and I have a very large vocabulary, but....there's always something like a wall that feels there between me and others. Sometimes I get confused over how to act, it's like my brain overthinks it and what comes naturally to other people I feel totally perplexed and confused by - sometimes. I've never understood this.....

I also prefer alone time a lot, even though I get lonely. I'm handsome and people say I can be charming and nice, but I always feel like I'm acting; like its empty. I HATE that feeling because I know there's more to me than that.

You could try taking "The Aspie Quiz" which is available online (I think there are links on WP if you search for it). Some people say that's slanted too much toward people with Asperger's as opposed to folks who use non-standard communication, but I think it works fine for most people who just want to know if they're NT or not.

A medical diagnosis can help if you want to make an official ADA disclosure at some point. Otherwise, I'm not sure there's much of a point. Any medications you might need would just be for regular anxiety and you don't need an ASD diagnosis for that.

I hear what you're saying about feeling that a "higher" career is more for you. I'm NT and my IQ isn't all that high (lol) but I've always felt the same way. But consider this- the fancier the career, the more stress comes with it. An MD works ALL the time and deals face to face with people ALL the time. Same for a lawyer. A SCIENTIST now, that's a different thing. Research is a great place to get your intellectual groove on. And people don't notice so much if your social skills are a little off. You could teach, work for a company, or just do independent research.

I'm always a big fan of continuing education and pursuing one's special interests. Could you go back to school?

I always wondered how teaching would work out, with facing people every day - and if I'd be any good at that. I figure its much different than your normal social interaction, though. ..

It depends on the settings, IMHO.

As a SysAdmin, I need to teach people things all of the time. I'm good at explaining things, but, some people are just bad students.

I'm far more effective as a technical editor, blogger. and teaching programmers. Verbally and email supporting nontechnical people is not ideal for me. I'm crazy in that I expect people to remember the things I taught them in the past... that's evidently not realistic, though.

I teach a couple targeted classes a year, but, I don't think I could do it full time, with no say in who my students are.
I believe teaching to the general public is a very rare and beautiful gift.