How to deal with mean boss?

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I just got reprimanded out by my boss AGAIN in a really horrible, demeaning way. I just don't know how to deal with her. My workload was light earlier in the week because some projects got delayed, so I said I could take some small projects. She assigned me some small stuff, no problem. Then two of my big projects came back mid-week. My boss continued to assign stuff to me without asking if I had time. It overbooked me, so I asked her if she could please ask before assigning me new work and telling the clients I could do it, because my big projects had come back and now I would have to do overtime.

She got mad and said, "well you had all this unbillable time early in the week, how can you say you can't take it?" I repeated that my projects had gotten delayed, and that I had told her before-hand that I was working on admin projects that she had assigned to me. It wasn't like I was doing nothing. She kept going over how she had to explain why I wasn't unbillable and then went and talked about other times I wasn't unbillable (because I was redoing our web site, as assigned). Then she got into a major half-hour rant and went over every mistake I'd made over the past year--going over budget, forgetting to have her review estimates, asking a co-worker to help with a project without clearing it. I had goofed because I forgot to follow procedures, but we'd already talked about these things. Why was she ranting about them now?

She said I need to ask for help when I get in over my head, but she either forgets to keep her promises and I have to nag her for weeks, or she doesn't come through, or she yells at me and tells me its all my fault. I just felt horrible and started crying partway through the call (it was over the phone). She said my judgement is not good (which really is true, when it comes to executive function things) but made it out like I was doing it on purpose and she said I wasn't acting like I respected her. Which I don't, really, but because she says things like this.

What do I do? I could complain to HR or her boss, but the last time I did this (with another boss, same company), they retaliated against me and made my life even worse. I felt so awful and trapped that I felt like killing myself (not the first time after talking to management). My wife has been trying to talk me down, but I just don't know what to do.

I'm scared of job searching and interviews... i just fear the whole world is full of horrible corporate suits and their awful boardroom mind games. I am just a geek. I know computers. I don't know the squishy people stuff.

I don't really have any answers. I've had terrible bosses over the years and eventually I try to move into other departments. Some people started out as managers by just being the employee that didn't suck, was dependable and had half a brain compared to the others there. The company needed a manager at some point and they were promoted. Seeing as most companies are tight and won't spend a time on managerial training from outside sources you get people who lack the necessary social, management,delegation skills, etc. They get stressed because they are insecure and constantly try to please stockholders, clients, etc with promises of things that are not possible and don't think things through. Some think the best way to get the employees to do what they want is to play the big mean punishing boss. Which of course, for most employees is the complete opposite of what they need.

The thing about it is that when there is a problem with management that is a huge hurdle. Likely if they've adopted this style of management it will not change. Which leaves three options, try to deal with it/ignore it, transfer somewhere else/get a new boss, take the steps to report this behavior, focusing her lack of management skills and how overbooking can cause issues with clients and loss of money and a history of this. (How it affects the business gets more notice)


Good luck! I work for some very corrupt managers now and am putting my head down until I can get out of there!

She sounds way too emotionally involved. She seems to be forgetting that you are her subordinate and that she can't just vent at you like that. So what if you messed up in the past - what are you guys going to do so it doesn't happen again?

Try to keep communication with her very formal. E-mail is a good way of communicating. Consider not taking on a lot of new tasks - she has pretty much proved she is not capable of managing your work load. Use down time to reorganize your work place or doing some task that is habitually put off due to other demands on your time.

Me and a colleague had to deal with this sort of stuff at work - but that person was not only emotionally unstable, but showed a lot of psychopathic behavior. We dealt with it by avoiding the phone, setting clear limits and having everything in writing. It helped that our boss was aware of the situation.

I don't have much advice, but I second some of the things others have said. I've had a very difficult supervisor who would do similar things. The stress became overwhelming, and I burned out completely.

I think it would be useful to think about the future. Do you want to stay in the same company? If you are sure your boss will not improve, then it might be useful to begin looking for employment either elsewhere in the company or at another company. Sometimes a person won't change; it's particularly difficult when you are under their control. Keeping private verbal communication to a minimum could be helpful and provides a written record of tasks and progress. Insofar as you can do so, I agree that setting boundaries is important.

You mentioned that you spoke to your boss's boss? Did you speak to HR? They should be independent from your boss, at least. It might make things worse, but if you are interviewing for other positions (and your boss isn't a reference), then it might be interesting to try.

It sounds like you are very stressed out--I'm sorry you have such a trying situation at work. Stay safe.

I've rarely found that anything really worked. So I've just worked on doing other things that lowered my stress levels overall, and worked on skills for calming myself in the moment. Then, I learned to look at the job as a step toward something better, so it didn't feel like I was taking all the crap for nothing.

Have you attempted to befriend your boss? This is something that has worked for me in the past, including at my current job. I realize this tactic doesn't work for everyone, as not everyone has a boss that is willing to speak to subordinates about things that aren't work related, and vice versa. But if you ever find yourself taking a break or a lunch or something at the same time as her, try it... in my experience, having your boss see you as something more than a hassle that they have to deal with every day works wonders for preventing this type of situation from even occurring in the first place.

She tends to go between two states--acting like a friend, joking around, and sometimes even telling me her problems, and then going all nasty and reading me the riot act. I've gotten to where I don't trust the friend act, and I'm pretty sure the nastiness comes out when she's under a lot of pressure. I know she was under pressure to hand in some annual assessment reports (fortunately not mine) and to keep our billability level up, so it was a prime time for her to blow up.

I've been looking through want ads, inside and outside the company, and have concluded I need to work on improving my technical skills if I don't want a cut in pay. I plan on taking every bit of training I can squeeze in this year, documenting everything, and getting out.

We were at a staff meeting today. I and another guy each are working on different big web projects that have been taking months. Both of us are almost finished, mine this week, his in three weeks. We both had our launch dates pushed back two weeks, partly because of technical problems beyond our control. Mine also had problems caused by that same boss not keeping her commitments. They said my coworker will get an award. I got criticized for not launching on time and no promise of an award, even though part of why I was late was because my boss promised me material and edits and didn't come through.

I haven't talked to the boss's boss yet, but I may not have a choice. I hate talking to them though, because I talk slowly enough (and stutter when nervous) that they usually interrupt before I can finish.

If she is yelling at you, there is a chance someone is yelling at her. Perhaps she could use some better leadership skills, and if she swings between nice and nasty quickly, perhaps she has some personality disorder, but that she didn't fire you might be an indication that she's trying to work with you.

Perhaps this relationship with your boss is not something that can be fixed, but only you or your boss can determine that. It sounds as if there is some breakdown in communication which is causing problems.

Your boss and you should both know simultaneously what projects you are working on, and have a general idea of where you are in them. To that end, if you think your boss doesn't know where you are in a project, or if something comes up that changes your availability, you have a responsibility to inform your boss. For example, when your big projects came back, it would have been good communication to e-mail her letting her know that to be the case, and ask her which projects she would like you to prioretize. You do the best you can to communicate with her things that she needs to know, and then it will be up to her to meet you the rest of the way.

I just got reprimanded out by my boss AGAIN in a really horrible, demeaning way. I just don't know how to deal with her. My workload was light earlier in the week because some projects got delayed, so I said I could take some small projects. She assigned me some small stuff, no problem. Then two of my big projects came back mid-week. My boss continued to assign stuff to me without asking if I had time. It overbooked me, so I asked her if she could please ask before assigning me new work and telling the clients I could do it, because my big projects had come back and now I would have to do overtime.

She got mad and said, "well you had all this unbillable time early in the week, how can you say you can't take it?" I repeated that my projects had gotten delayed, and that I had told her before-hand that I was working on admin projects that she had assigned to me. It wasn't like I was doing nothing. She kept going over how she had to explain why I wasn't unbillable and then went and talked about other times I wasn't unbillable (because I was redoing our web site, as assigned). Then she got into a major half-hour rant and went over every mistake I'd made over the past year--going over budget, forgetting to have her review estimates, asking a co-worker to help with a project without clearing it. I had goofed because I forgot to follow procedures, but we'd already talked about these things. Why was she ranting about them now?

She said I need to ask for help when I get in over my head, but she either forgets to keep her promises and I have to nag her for weeks, or she doesn't come through, or she yells at me and tells me its all my fault. I just felt horrible and started crying partway through the call (it was over the phone). She said my judgement is not good (which really is true, when it comes to executive function things) but made it out like I was doing it on purpose and she said I wasn't acting like I respected her. Which I don't, really, but because she says things like this.

What do I do? I could complain to HR or her boss, but the last time I did this (with another boss, same company), they retaliated against me and made my life even worse. I felt so awful and trapped that I felt like killing myself (not the first time after talking to management). My wife has been trying to talk me down, but I just don't know what to do.

I'm scared of job searching and interviews... i just fear the whole world is full of horrible corporate suits and their awful boardroom mind games. I am just a geek. I know computers. I don't know the squishy people stuff.