On disability and woud like to work but not sure I can?

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I haven't worked in five years, I am have been on disability for two of those years. I would like to work but when I have shutdowns or meltdowns I am reminded of how it probably would not work out. Usually either of these on any job I might achieve would end in my losing my job. My problems are not just autism, but anxiety, depression and add (no hyperactivity) possibly avoident personality disorder (that's what I think I read on the people who did my disability paperwork but really I don't know how they concluded I was disabled) though I don't really agree on that one but i've never discussed it with a psych though I do see some of it in myself.

Just curious for those with mental and sensory issues severe enough to warrant being jobless for these reasons, (Sure I'll be the first to call myself somewhat lazy but I've had jobs before and never imagined I'd be in this position but time flys...) am I wasting my time even thinking of getting a job? I had a melt down today and was punching myself in the head as I often do during such events, afterward I felt numb and my ability to communicate deteriorated greatly. I would like to get a job (though I've been unsuccessful the last 5 years though granted the amount of job applications I fill out online has decreased the last two years) but am I just trying to convince myself into accomplishing something that isn't feasible? There is that quote "insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result" am I just practicing insanity? Do I just need to come to the realization that I am on disability for a reason? I don't know..=/ maybe you can't tell me...

Unless your reasons for wanting a job are financial ones then maybe you could do volunteerwork. That might be less demanding.

Have you tried Voc rehab or supported employment? There are federal programs for people with disabilities to help them find employment.

They assess your skills, weaknesses, and interests. They provide guidance and support. They help with job search.

I did go there but missed my appointment and need to go back there. Voc Rehab

I may look into volunteering so that I can have something on my resume more recent.

Meet.com has lots of groups? Guess I may look into that but I do want to get a job.

I just know that when I am working I have less worry/hurt etc.

Hey I'm in the same boat. But I am looking for work, it's come to the point where I know I've got to just try and see how it goes because I don't want to be on benefits if I can possibly not be. It's natural to be nervous about work when you've been out of the workforce for so long but worst comes to worst you'll just be back on disability. And you don't have to look at losing a job as a failure, there's always something to be learnt

And maybe see a therapist to learn some mindfulness techniques to help with your meltdowns? I have some shockers where I bite myself sometimes but I see a therapist who has taught me some skills that can prevent me from getting to that point

I'm also having trouble in this sort of situation, currently applying for disability benefits, but I think my HFA/Aspergers diagnosis isn't enough by itself to be considered a disability by my governments welfare office. They might just consider me fit for work, because my symptoms aren't too much of a barrier to work (social communication, stuttering, quiet/low voice, can't start up conversations properly, mental breakdown in group situations, poor memory at the best of times).

Ultimately I would like to work but it is really really tough and close to impossible to find jobs that will fit me, though everyone says these soft skills are rarely applied in many jobs. I can't live a life on benefits, no holidays, no home, no independence. A full time minimum wage job would be a good start, but there aren't any around.