Rules of the Workplace

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Cube Angel (first day on job) to his boss: What exactly are the
rules of the workplace?

Boss: You’re not entitled to know all of the rules and neither
am I but I’ll let know when you break one and you will possibly be let
go.

Cube Angel (smacks his head): oy vey!! !!

Boss: Chin up and be positive Cube Angel, I’ll be let go if I break one.

Cube Angel (smacks his head twice): Double oy vey!! !!

A week and a half later

Boss: (On the way home from work. Sends text but looks fragmented and incomplete) We wish you the best for the future and sorry we had to let you go. I sent you an email to explain further.

Cubeangel: Thinks to himself, huh, what? What the hell? Was this supposed to be for me? Texts back “I think you may have sent this text to the wrong person.

Boss: No, I didn’t, check your email.

Cubeangel: Goes home and checks email.

Email from Boss: “ABC Corp is no longer in need of your services. I have received several reports, from both the Lead Technicians, and the xxx project managers that you are simply not able to keep up with the average pace of the teams. For this reason, I can’t put you on the schedule anymore.

We will need you to return your keycard and T-shirts at your earliest convenience. You may drop them off with yyy at the office in zzz.

I’m sorry that ABC Corp didn’t work out, but we simply have to maintain a certain efficiency to meet our customers’ needs. If you have any questions, you can shoot me an email, or give me a call tomorrow (Thursday, 07/22/2010)”.

Cubeangel (confused as f**k): Thinks to himself, there was nowhere in their two page manual that says that there was a pace and nowhere that states how to keep up with the pace.

Cubeangel: *Smacks head* Oy Vey! I guess I really am not entitled to the workplace rules. Here is my question. How can I follow rules in which no one has to tell me, more than likely no one is going to tell me and I am unable to derive them myself through my own research.

Cubeangel: I’ll just go ahead and claim disability. The Cheshire cat is easier to understand.

Months later

Conservatives: *Whine* These disabled folk are a parasite to the taxpayers. f*****g welfare queens!

It doesn't happen that way in real life.

Moral of the story -- Why bother to make an intelligent design when evolution will do? Rather than spending precious time explaining the rules to your employees, let them waste their time trying to figure them out. Fire those who fail to infer them in time, and, voilà!, the remaining employees know the rules.

Actually, KK, it does happen that way in real life. Not literally, of course; but certainly close enough.

Take the unwritten rule "Be nice to everyone". Pretty vague, huh? No clear definition of what being "nice" entails. Say "Good morning" to everyone you meet on the way in to work and get a harassment complaint filed against you for being "flirty". Hold a door open for people carrying packages and someone will complain that you didn't also carry a package. Make coffee for everyone and someone will complain that you're not making tea.

Many rules are purposely vague to allow managers some leeway in deciding who gets laid off or fired, and who gets retained or promoted.

This is why I have a lawyer on retainer, and why he has an up-to-date copy of my employee handbook. He also has copies of my employee reviews, and any emailed reprimands that I receive.

What you have described are worst-case scenarios.

There's risk in anything--but that goes for everyone of whatever neurology.

I always say goodnight to my colleagues. I even call a few "darling." They don't mind.

Only the real creeps of the world would actually act upon those worst-case scenarios.

Now: We do have to be more wary in these PC-infested times.

I wouldn't take any chances on a job that I've been on less than a year. I would totally mind my Ps and Qs, and dot my i's and cross my t's, too.

What I have described is commonplace, especially in companies that rely on unskilled labor in entry-level positions.

Haven't you ever wondered why there's such a high turnover in personnel at fast-food restaurants?

I really believe the high turnover in fast-food places could very well be caused by a disenchantment with the working conditions.

It's also possible that the high level of stress and sensory overload inevitably involved with fast-food work could also be a contributing factor in people leaving these positions.

It's also quite possible that a fast-food worker might have found a better job, or is a recent graduate and looking for a better job.

Then again.....there are some creepy managers out there who seek to fire people when a whim inspires them. They might use an excuse such as "sexual harassment," or whatever.

I didn't think of that but that's an awesome idea to have a lawyer on retainer. Do you have a ballpark figure of how much a decent one costs per month to have one on retainer? If I'm prying into your personal business to much please let me know.

Overall, how are you doing? Is life treating you okay?



If you don't mind, may I use this in my writings and my status messages as well on various boards, blogs and facebook page and wall or is this copyrighted? It's very good and I would love it if I could use it.

What you say makes sense kk. Still wearing that sharp suit I see?

If you've got an in-demand skill that there's a shortage of, employers are much more likely to overlook the lack of social skills.

For minimum wage fast food jobs? That require no skills and for which there's an endless supply of replacement workers? Employers prefer someone who is competent from day 1 and has no need to put up with screw ups.

I feel your pain, Cube. I was fired from the only good job I've ever had for similar reason: vague, unlisted expectations that I had no idea about until that morning I got the pink slip.

I don't want to come off as negative here, but yes this can happen. I've seen my colleagues fired with no warnings beforehand. If a company wants to get rid of you they will and use any excuse as a reason. One of my assistants at a prior job got fired for getting a cup of coffee right after nine am instead of waiting ten minutes. Why ten minutes? Who knows, but there was some unspoken rule that had she waited those ten minutes she'd still be with the company lol. (Real reason: She got carpal tunnel had had to get injections that took an hour out of her day every week at work.)

Here's one: Was working in two different departments at the same company - QA and Dev. Used a vacation day to go to the dentist. Came into work for ten minutes in the morning to turn in a file I checked out in the database so other Devs could use it. That's all it took. Although it was my earned vacation day because I came in for those ten minutes one department said I could have came in and worked for that time period. Which makes no sense. Bye bye me. When I asked about it - stating it was my paid day off they said I could do anything but come into work.

In the past I have a similar experience. I wasn't fired by texting and emailing but during a firing meeting between the boss and me. There were complains about me to the boss, but they didn't tell me, nor did the boss tell me what the complains were. But I was fired.

I can tell you that some parts of the story do happen in real life.

Not in the company where I have been working in the past. Colleagues told eachother (and also me) that there was a serious shortage of programmers. Maybe that statement should be corrected as follows: "There is a shortage of programmers with very good social skills." Its products are very good and it is a well-known company, but I find its management and its personnel policy quite ret*d. It was partly its own fault that it had a hard time to find good programmers if it sent them away because of their lack of social skills.


If there are many replacements it will be very, very easy to fire those that are one little grain from the requirements. If ther is one vacant position for a programmer and there are 100 good unemployed programmers your demands will increase. From those 100 programmers you pick a few that also have good social skills besides good programming skills.