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How To Interact With Coworkers

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lidsmichelle
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16 Jun 2016, 10:14 am

I just started my first job (I'm an assistant at a small dog grooming business) and there are three new hires along with me - two other assistants and a new groomer - and I want to try to befriend one of them at least, specifically the other assistant who is my age. I don't have many friends or opportunities to be social, and I do better when I'm out and about and challenging myself. And I like people a lot.

I'm mostly not having any problems being friendly and conversing but I want to I don't know come across as more normal and approachable and have topics of conversation to discuss that aren't my weird special interests (and I'd avoid them for fear of info dumping anyways lol).

At my internship earlier this year I made friends with my supervisor but she was aware I was mentally ill and we had a lot in common (I believe she's spectrum too), but that's not the case with most people I encounter so it's harder to connect with them without doing or saying something they think is weird.

Do any of you have advice for interacting with and befriending coworkers? What are some good neutral topics to discuss that aren't boring (like the weather) or controversial (so I don't alienate them because of how liberal I am, as I live in a conservative area)?

I know this probably seems like it belongs in social skills and making friends but since it pertains to work specifically (which means I need to be more careful than in other interactions) I thought it best to post it here.


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Deinonychus
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16 Jun 2016, 2:23 pm

Ask one of them out on date - like an afternoon cup of coffee at a nearby café or something like that. Spend a long time listening to your collegue. You can talk quit talking about work and get more personal. Smile and listen. Let your collegue "lead" the conversation and do whatever it takes to have a profound interest in the other person. That will break the ice. Having friendly conversation means a lot, because it's important to talk about other things than just work.



lidsmichelle
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16 Jun 2016, 10:36 pm

Thank you! I have discussed some stuff like our pets and a mutual love of hiking and the Seattle area with the co-worker who is my age. Is there a correct way to ask? I already go on lunch dates every other week with my old supervisor, but that just kind of happened because we connected due to mental illness and spectrum similarities and agreed to keep in contact after my internship ended. So I'm not sure when to ask or how.


_________________
Herein You Will Find Various And Numerous And Innumerable Hexes, Curses, Words In The Old Tongue To Cleave A’Twain Friend, Foe, Family Alike. If You So Choose. Money Hates Me, God Hates Me, My Wife Hates Me, My Own Hands Hate Me. But Thats All Beside The Point. The Point Is That My Time Here On Earth Runs Short. Im Not Dying But You All Are. Im A Glass Of Wine. Nothing Beats A Glass Of Wine. When The Kids Arent Home And Your A Mother Theres A Glass Of Wine There. A Glass Coffee Table And I’m A Glass Of Wine. Stressful Day When The Kids And you're Husband Then Glass Of Wine. Dark Chocolate Indulge. Petty Indulgences. When you're A Glass Of Wine And Let The Body’s Hit The Floor. When Your Glass Of Wine Is Running Short And You Say Heck What Of It. Why Dont I Have Another. Bartender I Am A Glass Of Wine. Bottoms Up And The Devil Laughs. The Bartender Remembers When It Happened. They All Remember When It Happened And If They Knew That You Dont Remember Then They Would Know That Something Is Awry Here Or So They Would Think. Something Would Be Amiss Or Smells Fishy. So Theyre All Relating There Stories Of Where They Were When That Event Happened And The Eyes Move Clockwise About The Room Where We All Share Our Glass Of Wine And Suddenly The Clock Ticks To You And They Ask The Fatal Question That Destroys Your Reputation, The Question You Could Never Answer, The Dead Giveaway: Where Were You When The Bodies Hit The Floor


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Deinonychus
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17 Jun 2016, 10:13 am

lidsmichelle wrote:
So I'm not sure when to ask or how.


Right after work is done.



SocOfAutism
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18 Jun 2016, 3:43 pm

Don't call it a date, though. This may be a language thing, but in the US a "date" means a romantic outing. I agree with everything else that OK said.



lidsmichelle
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18 Jun 2016, 5:33 pm

SocOfAutism wrote:
Don't call it a date, though. This may be a language thing, but in the US a "date" means a romantic outing. I agree with everything else that OK said.

Oh yeah lol. I call them lunch dates and stuff only with people who understand that there's a difference in meaning depending on your relationship with the person.

I do worry about how to approach about it anyways because I'm bi and I'm always afraid I'm going to make straight women uncomfortable because they think I'm asking them out romantically. Not that the co-worker knows I'm interested in women, and she's married anyways.


_________________
Herein You Will Find Various And Numerous And Innumerable Hexes, Curses, Words In The Old Tongue To Cleave A’Twain Friend, Foe, Family Alike. If You So Choose. Money Hates Me, God Hates Me, My Wife Hates Me, My Own Hands Hate Me. But Thats All Beside The Point. The Point Is That My Time Here On Earth Runs Short. Im Not Dying But You All Are. Im A Glass Of Wine. Nothing Beats A Glass Of Wine. When The Kids Arent Home And Your A Mother Theres A Glass Of Wine There. A Glass Coffee Table And I’m A Glass Of Wine. Stressful Day When The Kids And you're Husband Then Glass Of Wine. Dark Chocolate Indulge. Petty Indulgences. When you're A Glass Of Wine And Let The Body’s Hit The Floor. When Your Glass Of Wine Is Running Short And You Say Heck What Of It. Why Dont I Have Another. Bartender I Am A Glass Of Wine. Bottoms Up And The Devil Laughs. The Bartender Remembers When It Happened. They All Remember When It Happened And If They Knew That You Dont Remember Then They Would Know That Something Is Awry Here Or So They Would Think. Something Would Be Amiss Or Smells Fishy. So Theyre All Relating There Stories Of Where They Were When That Event Happened And The Eyes Move Clockwise About The Room Where We All Share Our Glass Of Wine And Suddenly The Clock Ticks To You And They Ask The Fatal Question That Destroys Your Reputation, The Question You Could Never Answer, The Dead Giveaway: Where Were You When The Bodies Hit The Floor


hmk66
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19 Jun 2016, 4:45 am

SocOfAutism wrote:
Don't call it a date, though. This may be a language thing, but in the US a "date" means a romantic outing. I agree with everything else that OK said.

Also in Dutch a "date" is a romantic appointment or a rendez-vous. Call it an appointment and it is a neutral non-romantic meeting.



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Deinonychus
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19 Jun 2016, 8:52 am

hmk66 wrote:
SocOfAutism wrote:
Don't call it a date, though. This may be a language thing, but in the US a "date" means a romantic outing. I agree with everything else that OK said.

Also in Dutch a "date" is a romantic appointment or a rendez-vous. Call it an appointment and it is a neutral non-romantic meeting.


Yeah, I get it, a date is romantic so don't use that exact word ;) I am from Denmark so my English skills can be a little wobbly... Now there's a cool word, wobbly! Anyways, this is all about being informal, so "appointment" wouldn't work either.

But the choice of words doesn't matter. As I said earlier: When you want to break through to another person, it's important that you listen and ask questions about their lives. I have to say that some questions can be too personal. A problem with aspies is that we can be a bit too direct when asking questions. But I'm sure Lidsmichelle will do just fine. Let us know what happens later on :)