Issues connecting with my colleagues

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Hi:
I am noticing that I am having a hard time connecting with my colleagues even though they are great people and I still we get along and I am never excluded or anything.

The biggest issue that I am having is that I keep hearing how everyone else makes outside connections with each other. I hear about them texting each other and getting together on the weekend. All the while I don't talk to anyone outside of work. I would like to know what I could improve and how I could reach out.

I've had this issue, too. I seemed to be liked well enough at work, but it doesn't really extend past that.

The standard advice is to be more open about your activities and interests. For example, if someone is a bowler, bring your bag for the purpose of going bowling after work. If you're a baseball fan, bring the sports page.

But . . . a lot of my interests are kind of private, such as liberal/left political activism which I should probably keep out of the work place.

I've taken all kinds of books to school and work, like a nature book about grizzly bears, like an autobiography of an entrepreneur, but only a few conversations. Maybe people are embarrassed that it's a topic I know about but they don't?

I might start inviting them down stairs to a happy hour once a month or see about getting a potluck together.

I think that's a common problem for a lot of us with aspies. It's hard to connect with people easily the way NTs seem to. At least that's been my experience.

I hope once I start the job I just got I'll be able to befriend some of my co-workers. I need to keep a list of things to talk about so I can get a chance to open a potential friendship. It's a lot easier to be natural with people once you already have a foundation laid. If I just came up to people and discussed what was on my mind it would be awkward cuz I don't really spend that much time thinking about casual subjects. Most of what interests me is stuff that's considered too deep or personal or complex for when you barely know someone.

I wish small talk interested me lol. I like gossiping, so that's something.

I had trouble connecting with most of my co-workers as a previous job years even though I made an effort to be involved and attend the special events such as weddings and house warming parties. When it came to me no one seemed to reciprocate.

All the women except me were invited out to lunch and several shopping sprees during the work week. When I finally had the guys to call the boss out about it, she made excuses. "Well you get off at noon and often leave so that's why I don't invite you. You know that I often bring pizza in once a week and you are always more than welcome to eat lunch with us then." I had also dropped hints that I wanted to be involved many times before that but I always got excuses. If we did go out it was if the boss invited everyone from the company.

NT's are a$$es on the job. They are only thinking of ways to network with the right people. That's not us, kiddo.

Just take the lunch offer. Trust me.

In situations like this, they are likely ashamed of themselves for being such a "clique," and reminding them of this highschoolish behavior will not help your situation. In a way, they are protecting you, and most of them will not have the rational intelligence that you and I have. They will explain it irrationally, because the behavior itself is extremely irrational.

If they did include you, would you enjoy it? Would they? Would you know what to say to all of their quips and gossips? Which - yes - it will be mostly gossip. Sorry if this is rude, or I have no place to insert my input? Except I've been there a hundred times. Sometimes I even stalked them and showed up un-announced. You don't want to do that, because it would ironically have the same effect as if they had invited you in the first place. You would be perplexed at the things they talk about at these gatherings - or the people they talk about.

Go to lunch with them, and call yourself lucky.

@AardvarkGoodSwimmer - Yes that was a former position that I had worked at for 8 years in which was I laid off from due to supply and demand. That boss was very passive aggressive about a lot of things.

1. When I sent out the online invitation she just ignored it.
2. Rather than saying she could not make it she said "Have fun at your party," in a very cold tone.
3. When I asked her why she never went to my things she said: "I don't go to things that are far away."

If the boss has maybe one big friend at work, I guess as long as the boss makes a real effort not to engage in favoritism.

But it sounds like this boss was inviting most of the people but not all the people to events ? ? ? And that sounds really lousy no matter how we look at it. I'm sorry this happened to you.

I was invited to the parties and the group things and I made an effort to get them gifts. I was also invited to group things and the people there kept telling me that I was a "Part of their family." When I had my house warming party though they were not interested. In fact, several of them made fun of me four months beforehand. "How can you afford a condo? You have a limited income."