still don't know how to handle office politics

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259
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 26 Feb 2016
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 27

13 Jul 2016, 9:25 pm

I generally think I have great coworkers because there are 2-3 people at work who feel like real friends. Recent happenings made me realize a few things though:

1. I don't know how to be nice to someone I don't like who happens to be friends with someone I like. In a group of 3, for example, I don't want it to be obvious that I'm only talking to A and not to B, but at the same time I don't know how to be fake-nice to B. Note that I feel neutral about most people, so if I dislike someone it's because I've had multiple bad experiences with that person and will NOT change my mind.

2. I don't know how to voice my concerns and/or be assertive without sounding petty or a drama-magnet. I know all about the "I" statements, but in real life, it seems, I'm not half-done with my sentence and the other person is already responding while raising their voice. As a result, I end up doing things that aren't my job and try not to be patient until I explode.

3. What if the person I dislike happens to be one of the most well-liked person in the company? This one person has been pissing me off so much lately because he's so two-faced and he's been around a lot, but he's the type of person who would ask "Did I do something that made you mad?" and I'm so fed up I just might tell him what he did if he does that tomorrow. It seems like a social suicide move, though, especially considering I barely know how to interact with people.



spinelli
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: 25 Apr 2016
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 272
Location: United States

26 Jul 2016, 6:37 pm

I can't stand douchebags like that.....I know of several. Just keep work separate from social.



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Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 27 Jul 2016
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 41
Location: Montgomery, AL

30 Jul 2016, 7:59 am

This is a hard situation, and it's one of the reasons I had to walk out of my last job. (I didn't even work the notice, and I won't put them on any resume - I'm too disgusted with what I'm about to tell you.)
You will essentially have to find some way to avoid kissing up to this person you dislike, and still make him feel good at the same time. If he is as popular as you say, then he is probably extremely insecure, and in need of constant comforting from his peers. I've seen it a thousand times - and they don't want you to know that.

Bottom line, you are always going to be smarter than most of the people around you. At least, in a rational sense. While they are "smart" in an irrational sense. We know full well this is only a delusion in their minds, because it is only the rational people who invent things, create technology, restructure work environments, and even build entire cities. Because we wouldn't give up, and we found a way to do it without offending the prom kings and prom queens. We have to make constant amends for them, and it hurts.

If there's no way to do this, and you've exhausted every other option, then there are only two options left.
Withdraw and focus only on your work - which they will not like.
Or start looking for employment elsewhere.
Even if you do take that hard option, please know that your next job will probably be more pleasant. This sounds like an utterly toxic situation, and a business that is sure to have problems for a long time.



nettie68
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 27 Jul 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 7
Location: surprise AZ

31 Jul 2016, 11:05 pm

I don't understand them either. I am going to go to vocational rehab next week on my day off to see if they will be of any help. I've payed big money to try and learn this but the advise I got was really lame. I don't think they get the extent that bullying occurs . Once there is blood in the water your a goner. someone told me a story and I don't know if its true or where its from but I would believe it. They said they took a monkey out of a group and painted it pink and the other monkeys killed it. I just try and do a great job and keep coworkers an arms length away and let them know as little about me as possible in general. Sometimes it works. I'm really luck right now. I actually have great coworkers and a great boss. Such a relief from my last job. The bullying was so intolerable I gave notice. Nothing was done when I complained because the boss was a drinking buddy of the bully. I was glad to leave because they seemed like they were hung over most of the time and would be talking about up all night partying. I wouldn't have wanted them to take care of one of my family members. I would never go out with them. I think that might have pissed them off. Also I kept the bully from making a medical error and shes really dumb and I think she was upset that I protected her from hurting someone. maybe I didn't have the right facial expression or tone or something who knows. but from that moment she and she got her party girls to torment me constantly. It sucked.
If people suck, I give notice and search for good people. I stay as long as possible with good people. In my field there are constant turnovers of companies in buildings as its contract stuff. I'm always so bummed when it happens when I'm with good peeps. Our building is being looked at by people who want to by it out. Then I'll have to go through the whole process again of finding good people.