Paranoia regarding my job

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I posted something recently to a schizophrenia forum, but thought I'd get another angle from people who may have a different approach to problems of this nature. Or just a totally different and more logical perspective on this issue. I'm sorry if I've brought this up before, but here goes.

I just got a job offer, and orientation is soon (TM). I'm diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. I don't hear voices or see visions or anything like that, but have fixed beliefs, a set of triggers that set them off, and delusions (that mostly develop when I'm off my medication, no new ones have cropped up lately thankfully.). With me, the way I experience delusions is to get these fixed beliefs that follow consistent patterns and triggers.

My brother knows many of my triggers, and whether intentionally or unintentionally always finds a way to set them off. I don't know his intentions in actuality. I know I can't read his mind, but I feel like it's on some level intentional, and it seems conveniently whenever my life is starting to turn up. We haven't always seen eye to eye on everything, and he's a difficult person to get along with possibly suffering from some mental disorder or personality disorder. I haven't consciously let him know that I'm about to start working again, but he may have found out through other unverifiable ways.

Anyway, he said something recently that triggered me to worry that I may get killed at work. (This is one of the fixed beliefs I have, that if I establish a common behavioral pattern outside the house I'll be an easy target for someone that has it out for my life. It's a scary belief, but I swear it feels real to me.)

I want to work, I want to make money and get off of life on the dole. This job offer seems like a really good opportunity and one that doesn't come along too often for me. I don't want to quit because I have a psychotic episode where I become convinced that someone is out to get me again. My usual way to cope with delusions of this kind are to wait for them to become a verifiable problem that I can confirm through more than heresay, guessing or magical thinking. As in, something actually happening in front of me, and not preempting the problem by fleeing.

Anyway, thanks for reading the wall of text. Any insight would be appreciated, but I understand if nobody wants to react to this. I'm aware of how bizarre it might sound. Maybe I'll remind myself of how bizarre this belief is before acting on it again.

I have struggled with OCD at various times of my life. I had obsessive worries about germs and chemical contamination. Ouch! yes, that is a bad combination.

If I can allow myself to wind to a place where it's both okay to do a certain health precaution and also okay not to do it, that's a pretty good place to be. I consider this a rather zen approach.

I like zen philosophy and also Buddhist thought. I tell myself in a thoroughly half-assed fashion, which does seem a rather zen approach in any case!

I used to have excessive worries about physical diseases years earlier. Thankfully I got over those. Yes I can see the parallel between OCD and paranoid disorders, good insight.

Zen philosophy is good, and probably something I should look more into.

I guess one of my symptoms, Lethargy, can work in my favor sometimes. Sometimes it's best not to react to what is just a feeling. Sometimes silence and inertia can be healing factors.

Thanks for this bit of advice.

You're very welcome.

And rolling with lethargy or inertia in positive or merely interesting ways seems pretty zen to me!

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I thought up the following zen 'koan':

At an American meditation place, the visiting teacher from afar is introduced to a student,

The master said, "I hear you are a very good student of meditation."

The student says, "Oh, honorable master, in truth, I am a very half-assed practitioner."

The master says, "Oh, then you be true zen master!"

You need to get away from that brother. Look up Sociopathy symptoms, see if your brother fits the criteria.

He will get any information and use it to harm you. Becareful who you trust and what you tell them.
This may mean keeping your address, social media secret (even creating a new account).
It can be difficult when people are interrogating you, or even subtly trying to gather information.
But you will get better at avoiding giving the information they are after, you don't need to lie if you dislike it or struggle to. Diverting the topic, denying knowledge, and giving vague answers are tools that you can get better at the more you practice. A good thing to keep in mind when dealing with these people is they don't have your best interests at heart.
Also try to read into peoples motivations; "Why are they asking me that?" "Why did they bring up that topic?"

I don't want to make you paranoid or anything. Keep an open mind and observe peoples actions over a period of time, sometimes peoples actions are innocent, build up a picture of a persons personality.

Sometimes you simply have to completely remove bad people from your life, even family.
It's hard, but family can be bad people too.
If you need any support, I've been through this, even again very recently with my own brother.

GoodSwimmer: That anecdote made me laugh, thanks again.

AngryAngryAngry: I've looked into sociopathy pretty extensively as a layman (which is an admittedly dangerous thing to do. You might see traits in all kinds of people, which can compound the problem of trust.). Anyway, he may or may not be one. Truth is, these past few years I've been closing up a bit more (Used to be quite honest about myself with everyone including strangers, though I am an introvert.), carefully choosing what I share. I've already blocked him from social media, because his page is a list of triggers and vague language (which is another trigger of mine, and an inconvenient one unfortunately, considering my condition.). So yeah did block him from that, but live with him currently and really have to deal with it. We get along sometimes he's supportive on the surface, and we even play games together, but you're right, some people are just toxic. He does act out in verbal violence at times bordering on physical with my mom. That's the point where I have to intervene physically, which I'm capable of, but don't enjoy doing.

I plan to go my own way at some point but now isn't the time. Thanks for that well-thought out reply. Good insight.

"vague language"
LOL fickle people have been irritating me forever (now I know why, I'm intense!)