So the DWP cancelled my ESA and I need to apply for JSA. In the meantime I'm more broke than before until I can get some kind of payment.
I really want employment but I'm frankly terrified. I don't think the job centre knows how to support my ASD and ADHD and I have mental health problems that they apparently didn't see as a setback (though my former employer clearly did). I'm scared that I'm going to get sectioned because I might forget something or make a mistake in my workbook. I fear that they won't be understanding of my difficulties and they really don't have to be because the WCA is gospel, apparently.
I am still waiting for services to help me manage my conditions and as much as I try to work around them by myself I feel totally lost in my ability to get a grip on things. I want to focus on my career again and get productive but I fall apart when I am under stress (even when it may seem like a negligable amount of stress). It's also difficult because my home life is in shambles. I am also worried about my dog and whether he can manage if the job centre tells me I need to look for full time employment. My dog is so important to me and I'll be damned if I have to consider rehoming him because I can't be around enough to be with him.
I am trying to do stuff like volunteering and I am doing some evening courses to keep up my skillset. I have also gone to many job interviews but to no avail. And when it comes to work consistency I'm pretty bad with that. I am just perpetually incapable of sticking to a schedule and it's so infuriating.
My family are struggling to live with me as my moods can be volatile and irritable and over the past months I have struggled to do stuff like housework because my low mood would make it difficult to get things done. And because I'm a hoarder I can never seem to get any chores done anyway because I simply don't know what to do with anything.
I would like some structure and certainty in my life so that I can at least ride all this out without losing my mind. I doubt the no centre can do that for me. I'm just fed up and I hate being unemployed.
I guess this was a bit of a rant. Any personal anecdotes or advice would be greatly appreciated because things really suck right now.
23 Dec 2016, 7:14 pm
