My personality is unfit for the world

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I am a woman. I am an extrovert. And I have Aspergers + ADHD.

I work in the field of IT. Trained as a computer scientist/ software engineer and even did an internship at Google. Currently working in a job that involves product design and lots of writing.

But it's absolute hell. I get so upset about not being taken seriously or listened to. Because of who I am, people just view me as a second class citizen. And people just don't like me, because I'm weird. Being an extrovert is torture because it makes me want to be around people and want to interact. I like to be involved in the bigger picture of things and not just fine details. But people like me are flawed and so others don't trust them.

It's terrifying me because I want to look for a new job that is more programming again, but I don't think I'm fit for the workplace. And I just feel so upset about it all.

And every job listing ever says stuff like "Must be a good team player". Given that I struggle to relate to others, even though I like working with others, I am not a "good team player", and given that I'm now 29, I don't really have time to learn before finding another job.

Society now says individual intelligence is worthless and social skills are everything. Sucks for me that my skills are worthless and other peoples are valuable.

I'm just so upset and helpless about everything right now.

You know, if you wanted too, you could babysit on the side Or pet sit. You'd be good at it, interacting with the children. Most pepole with Asperger's are good at it after all. You'd only have to interact with the parents, follow their rules, and interact with the children as they fight against those rules.

But I feel for you. I keep sending out resumes, and no response. Apparently, there's too many pepole looking for jobs and not enough employers. Employers apparently want pepole who can tell them how they'd make the company better, but I don't have a clue how I'd make somebody better. I don't know what they need, and the job description really doesn't tell me what to stay. So frustrating. Because since I don't know how I'll make you better, you don't evevn give me a chance- you throw my resume away.

I'll probably be stuck in jobs with high-turnover rations, like fast food, and hospitably. I'm not terrible at those jobs, I've been working at fast food last couple months- it's just a struggle finding yourself constantly bored out of your mind and watching the clock hours on end. The orders don't help, they don't even take 2 minutes. And I'm not even working 8 hours.

And again, I'd like to be a sitter- only, I don't drive. Which is what the parents want. Sitters who can drive.
(If I drove, I'd be happy with delivering pizzas- Only fast food job I'd ever permantly do)

> My Personality Is Unfit For The World



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7jYzS7zB98

Now.

It's absolute hell now.

But you can do it. And it gets better, it's just a bit of a shock to start with.

You're taking on your next 20 years of development areas instantly, that might be the ADHD talking. Try to break it down into manageable chunks and deal with each problem.

For example, people didn't like me because I was cold, weird, outspoken, etc etc. Sometimes people didn't like me for absolutely no reason whatsoever, one of my managers once described me (behind my back) as "wrong". So the aspergers will help this, firstly we are stronger than most NTs, we can analyse and adapt. You can then choose one of 2 paths, either adjust your behavior accordingly and mirror them, assuming various masks. Or continue being yourself and absorb the abuse and take the high road until they get used to you. I mix the two techniques.

Your next problem is not being taken seriously. This isn't so much aspie, adhd as youth and communication. A lot of the graduates where I work have the same issue, even the NT ones. Nowadays this isn't so much a female thing, there's less marginalization for being a woman now. So for this, it's about knowing your audience and adapting your pitch. My audience happens to be entitled, white, male dooshbags. So I figure out what I want to achieve and adapt my pitch/presentation to something they will understand. I get taken seriously as a result, track record also helps.

Then finally, the job, as you move around, internships, grad jobs, entry level programming jobs, maybe even analyst or client facing? Also I'd suggest operations and incident management. That way you get to interact with clients and loop in developers to fix stuff, you'd probably thrive in that sort of role. But patience, no one is going to involve you in the bigger picture if you don't understand the details and have sufficient experience.

So take a breath and pace yourself, then you will allow yourself the chance to be as brilliant as you know you can be.

Yes, things should get better for you. You just have to be patient and gain experience.

I have a ton of experience in this, as I was "wonder kid" who got employed in a Special Interest. Is a very awkward place to be, being able to pass as a teenager and actually having more experience than folks three times my age! To add to my experience, I often get mis-gendered, so know what it like for both sexes. As my moniker suggests, I've been there and done that!

Luckily for you, the older generation that looks down on women has pretty much retired. Women and minorities now play such a big part of the work force that you can't get very far without them.

You have to gain people's trust by showing them you do good work. This takes time. If you are capable of doing a ton of work in a very short time you need to do lateral moves to bosses who appreciate that. Some bosses are so bottom line oriented that they don't care about anything else as long as you deliver the goods on time. Particularly if you have a reputation for stepping up to the plate and delivering when needed.

Looking busy depends on where you work. It may not be necessary in some places. It may even be preferable to spend a lot of time goofing off so you aren't doing vastly more work than everyone else. Just be aware that IT and HR usually have policies that limit what you can do.

I used to be a lower level manager in a software development company.

I would have put a person like you on something where you were doing independent work, which you would then bring to rest of the team.

The way I would spin your characteristics, like say in an interview would be:

-“I am a highly motivated team member, with independent thinking. I like to work on focused tasks which help the company’s ‘big picture’”.

-If they ask what part of a team you are, I would say you are a “driver”, a person who pushes to get projects done correctly and on time. If they ask if you are a leader, I would say that you enjoy leading but also working with others on a common goal.

These traits you are describing are absolutely not negative. Just sell yourself accurately.

The world is unfit for your personality.

Hugs.

i dont know what to say, i have had a bad day at work. i work in a tv studio and talking to people is very common. i have to try and get on with a real dick. he is my supervisor, he has been saying to people that i look like a "doctor". what he didnt notice was that i heard what he was saying to them when he thought my back was turned. he was saying that i look like a geek, so when he means doctor he means geek. that really started to get to me. here i go again, another situation that i can not navigate. i feel really angry and tired. i dont think i will ever find a job that i can fit into. i am always going to have this problem. or am i? i hear all the time that i have to try and put myself out of the comfort zone. this is hard, really hard. i have read "mirror people" which i take as, do what they are doing. i WILL have to try this, the experiment will be a good learning opportunity. it could end bad but that will be one of a few possible results.
so taking advice from me is not good at all. i am 38 and a man. i find it extremely difficult. i am sorry to hear that you are struggling. hang in there though, you can do it.
pick one person and try and get on with that one. do it when no one else is around. dont over do it, dont kiss their back side, but try little things. conversations, little ones. this is something i am going to try. it is hard talking to people that you know dont like you. but i think the people that dont like me do it because i dont talk to them. i am going to try. i will try to look forward to work. it will be hard. i will fall a lot, i will rise.
you do this, keep up the good fight.
all the best, know that you are not alone.
we are here.