My coworkers don't like me but I have to like them

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Yep, still in same s**t job for now. Had two promising interviews last week, so maybe I'll get out. I really hope so, because I'm starting to get suspicious that we have black mold on top of all the other crap. And lots of roaches. Like, the super admits it's a roach problem by FL standards lots of roaches. Anyway...

There's been some turnover on the team, and now literally everyone but me is a super-relational type who feel the need to stand around talking about nothing. And if noise-cancelling headphones were enough, fine. But my boss, while thrilled with, you know, my actual WORK (and in fairness, paid a large bonus kind of thrilled, so at least she can tell what the core of the dang job is), is still pressuring me to build more bridges with my co-workers. And I seriously have no idea how.

I say hi to them in the morning, even the backstabbing slacker who bad mouths my life choices in front of everyone and appears to be congenitally incapable of meeting deadlines (or writing without errors, despite allegedly being an experienced technical writer). I remember their kids' hobbies, since they never talk about anything else. I compliment outfits, and shoes, and new hairstyles. I've tried every water cooler topic on the planet, and I literally can't find a single common interest. Not even TV! And it just occurred to me: why am I expected to do all the work???

They've never made any attempt to learn anything about me. They don't remember what i said my hobbies were during team-building, or my spouse's name, etc. I'm doing all the work here.

And I also just feel like asking: why? Why does this even matter? I'm not their supervisor. Why isn't it enough that I do my work, am polite when I need to talk to them about work, but otherwise everyone can just admit we have NOTHING in common to build a relationship on and just live and let live? Why do I have to improve my relationships with them to suit my boss? And why isn't she doing anything about the way they're clearly shutting me out?

This isn't actually just a pattern repeating itself. I've never had a job before where all the social relationships are this cold. Normally I can find a few people with common interests and go from there. It's really not helping that I'm childfree. And even more awkward, childfree but the only one who isn't single. That's super super awkward. Especially when the whole team is women, including boss.

You don't have to actually like your co-workers as much as you have to get along with them (and do your job).

But how do I get along with them when they've clearly decided that they don't like me? As in, ostracism and whining about me to the boss instead of speaking to me directly.

^^ That's on your boss to fix, and unfortunately most won't.

Example: X shows up at boss' office and whines about you.

Right response from boss: "Did you talk to N_A about this? What did they say?"

If X admits they didn't, the next right response from boss is: "We don't backstab our colleagues here. I need you to work as a team. So go talk to N_A about this, report back to me in a week, and if you don't feel that you can handle that, I'll set up a meeting with both of you. Just so you know, this will hurt your performance rating if you keep doing it. Now, let's set up that follow up meeting, because I want this to stop."

I had exactly one boss in a 30+ year career who was capable of the above. But I'll be grateful to him forever, because seeing him handle things that way showed me that it can be done - people just choose not to do it.

(No, he didn't have to sort me out. He was protecting someone else from the office hatemonger, who soon left. Edit in: I saw it because she was also the office rude interrupter, and barged in on a working discussion that was in progress. So I got to witness the above, though I don't recall the dialog perfectly.)

Additional edit: you may want to pre-empt some of the nonsense if you can. Not always easy. One way is to ask your boss for feedback proactively and *document it back to him/her in a summary email*. This lets you see if he's buying in to the hatemongering. If he/she isn't, you now have it documented.

Now, if he/she is, and they feed the gossip back to you as if it were true, you *must* be able to stay calm during this. Because your best response to that is calmness and a sincerely expressed desire to "address the issue".

You can make it clear, if you're tactful, that you haven't been approached by the complainant (only if true!). You can ask your boss if he/she would advise you to meet with complainant, and if so, if he/she would also be present (on the plus side, this prevents X from lying to boss about the meeting. On the minus side, threes often turn into two-against-ones, and you don't want to be "one". So you have to think about what your boss is likely to do.)

Most importantly, though, if your boss does believe gossip without ever checking for your side of the story, you'll have to grasp that your boss prefers to believe gossip and innuendo rather than ascertaining the facts for him/her self, and that means you have to decide if you want him/her for a boss anymore. I'm sorry, that sucks, but it's better to figure that out sooner than later.

Just do your job -- be where you are supposed to be, doing what you are supposed to be doing, and when you are supposed to be doing it. Stay out of trouble. Be respectful at all times (i.e., "Sir", "Ma'am", "Please", "Thank you", et cetera). Wear appropriate clothing and follow all safety protocols at all times.

That made the slackers complain about me because I was showing them up.

Part of doing your job is figuring out exactly what your job is and not overcompensating. If you have the typical low paying job you shouldn't be doing twice as much as everyone else.

I had to overcompensate because I was receiving accommodation & didn't have to do some of the tasks due to disabilities. There was also racism going on & management expected more out of certain races.

I wouldn't say that the boss necessarily believes the gossip. She believes me when I give alternate interpretations. But she seems to think that building bridges is 100% my responsibility. That's why I can't just "do my job"...I've been explicitly told that this social crap is part of my job. It infuriates me that it's so one-sided, all me trying to act like an NT and none of the slackers being expected to be welcoming of me despite my being different. (None of the slackers know about my diagnosis. I don't trust them as far as I can throw them, especially Slacker Queen, who has already spun the tidbits of my life she does know into some nasty and inventive public character assassinations.)

WHY do I have to keep being nice to Slacker Queen and finding ways to bridge the gap between us while she, as far as I can tell, doesn't have to meet me halfway?

(P.S. I have considered whether I want to keep this boss. I had two interviews last week. But without an offer in hand, I can't afford to leave. I want to be out of here by February, when they start sawing up the walls that definitely have cockroach poo and may well have black mold as well and we have to stay in the building because management is too cheap to rent temporary space and too paranoid to let us telecommute during a major renovation in a state with no legal protections for internal air quality.)

Well, waah freakin' waah! Let them complain about you doing your job. As long as the employers can see what is really going on, y0u have nothing to worry about.

Besides, you do not work for your co-workers, you work for your employer!

No, typically if you get accommodations you do not have to overcompensate to make up for them.

But, it is usually better to trade tasks than to get accommodations. The best situation is to take on jobs that are hard for everyone else but easy for you. And, if necessary, take breaks as allowed, so you can do the best quality work.

If you have free time because of your accommodations, another thing you may be able to do is to get training to do additional job functions. Some employers will pay for training courses so their employees can learn new skills.