How do I control anxiety in job interviews?

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In my life so far I've been to three job interviews, each one resulting in me having a huge panic attack. My anxiety is really bad and explodes like a volcano when I'm under stress in interviews. It keeps costing me the job, every time. How can I calm my anxiety down? I've been suggested therapist but that makes me even more anxious which causes attacks.

I really want a job because I want to meet and try communicating with people and I really need the money. Anxiety is so hard to control.

I'm sorry you've had those experiences. Job interviews are inherently stressful.

I think you should do some internet research with keywords like: How to relax in a job interview, avoiding panic attacks in a job interview, etc for some ideas.

The problem with stress is that something that works for someone may not work for someone else.

Practice helps. Do you have any family or friends that can role play with you? Also, would you consider purposely applying for a job that you DON'T want and wouldn't care about not getting just to go to the interview? "Practice" interviews, so to speak. Part of the reason interviews can be stressful is that as applicants, we feel that there is so much at stake. If you can be successful and calm at even one "practice" interview then you can focus on recounting that success. You can visualize how good you felt after that interview. I don't know if something like the following works for you, but if you had a good interview and then set up an interview for a job you really want, telling yourself before going into an interview for that desired job like:

"This job would be cool, but it's not the end of the world if I don't get it."
"I'm going to try my best and be relaxed (if I get the job, I get it, if I don't, I don't) and that's the best I can do."


Do you think things like that might work for you?

Some people say acknowledging to the interviewer that they're nervous is a good thing and helps them to relax. That doesn't work for me.

Something that works for me in stressful situations like interviews or when talking to someone I don't know in a business setting at a table:

I have a pen in my hand and will put that hand under the table out of view and will grip that pen as hard as I possibly can. All of my stress and anxiety is focused and concentrated in that white knuckled fist, maybe even at times squeezing the fist so hard it hurts if the stress level increases. The rest of my body can be relaxed. Also, inhaling as deeply and as relaxed as possible through my nostrils that eases my stress more than breathing through my mouth. It's easier to halt, stunt or hold your breath when breathing through your mouth which in some cases can lead to tunnel vision and fainting.

If none of that works, you may need to talk to someone about anti-anxiety meds. I've never needed them, but I know they work for many many people. Other people use herbal remedies to help stay calm, but that's obviously also very specific to a person's needs, allergies, tolerances, etc so I won't recommend specific things for you to try in that regard.

Thoughts?

Thank you for your prompt response and for your suggestions for me when I next attend a interview. You've already helped me actually because I always thought breathing through my mouth was the correct way, I had no idea breathing through my nostrils was such a big help! Hm , that could be why I passed out and had so many panic attacks.
Thank you! I will let you know how I get on with that next time I go for an interview.

I will also research online to see what else might be of help to me.

I do feel a lot is at stake when I'm at an interview , I guess it's because so much is riding on me getting the job. I have family so they could help me with role playing interviews. I'll see if my sister can help me , she's always been a great support for me.
I don't really mind what job I get now , I've been applying for so long that anything would be fine for me. I just want something where I can meet people , make friends and earn a salary. I'm so idle at the moment it feels like I'm going craxy. I don't think it helps my anxiety either.

I think telling myself I'll be fine might help , I used to do that at school and though I was still anxious I didn't have panic attacks , so that might help too.

I don't like the idea of taking anxiety meds. I have a lot of stomach problems which I think might get stirred up by meds. A pen is also a really good idea , I do tend to stab my skin with my nails when I'm in a interview which can be really painful and cause my hands to go red.

Your advice has been really helpful , thank you! I'm still applying for jobs so if I'm lucky enough to get a interview then I'll let you know how I get on.
I've written all this down on my phone so I don't forget.

Thank you , its been really helpful to me.

Dani -

I'm glad if even a little bit helps you.

A few additional ideas since you're talking about job interviews and that falls within the realm of business and interpersonal communications. Have you ever heard of Toastmasters International? Anyone can join, and they have groups/"chapters" all around the world and most likely wherever you live. It's typical of the members of each local group to be in business somehow but each group's membership can consist of any combination of: salespeople, managers, employees or anyone else who wants to improve their public speaking skills.

Check out their website to learn more. It's been years since I belonged to a group, but I know at least one of our WP members is active in whichever group she belongs to and she seems to really enjoy Toastmasters. I forget her name, but hopefully she'll comment in this thread.

I was in my local Toastmasters club which was offered at my local Chamber of Commerce. I participated for a few years. The meetings are usually once every few weeks if I recall correctly. They consisted of writing some sort of short talk or speech on any topic that interests each person. Even if the topic would bore the other members to tears or they would have no interest in the topic in the least, that's not the purpose. The purpose is for each person to get up in front of everyone else (usually a group of maybe 10-12?) and speak. Then there was a current events time of the meeting where the leader would write down current event topics and each person would draw a card. Each person would have a few minutes to gather their thoughts on the topic on their card, stand up and do their best at giving an impromptu mini-speech.

The exercise is very good at improving a person's comfort level in being around other people in a business or non-family setting and it improves speaking and social skills. The group even helps each other break habits of verbal "tics" such as: like, um, so like, etc.

An added possible benefit for you if you joined such a group and enjoyed it? As I mentioned, Toastmaster groups typically consist of people who work for companies, businesses, non-profits, municipalities, etc. Imagine getting comfortable in such a group and having your group members get to know you. Imagine you putting the word out there that you're looking for a job and anyone who had any suggestions would be appreciated by you. Imagine making one of your speeches into a pseudo job interview! Although typically each speaker stands at the front, but what if you said for YOUR speech that week you wanted to stay seated, give the rest of the group a few minutes to come up with some interview questions and have each of them pretend they're an interviewer and ask you one question while they go around the room. Why not?

I gained a tremendous benefit from my time with Toastmasters. Did I "LOVE" it? I didn't. I was never completely at ease during the meetings. I was fine with the prepared speeches that I would write because I could practice them many times at home. I had difficultly in my stress level with the "lightening round" type of current events "off the cuff" things because my brain doesn't work that quickly. I need time to organize my thoughts. So that part of each meeting made me more nervous.

Who knows, maybe you'd join a group where you live and find out you really like it. If you did, there are Toastmaster competitions for people who are interested. They travel and compete even on a worldwide level. Most people who belong to a Toastmaster club are not interested in competing with other groups and are perfectly content with just being in their own group and that's perfectly fine as well.

Thoughts?

Thank you so much for this ^ According to my sister , such groups are in our local area. So I could look at joining one. Last summer I did think of attending a date group , where you go and meet people and talk , but I wasn't brave enough to go through with it. I'm feeling a little more confident at the moment so doing something like Toastmasters might be very plausible , I'm sad to say that my communication skills are shocking to non existent. I think that showed in my interviews , as well as my anxiety. My speaking skills need a lot of work.

I'll check out the website , thank you! I hope she does post here. But if she doesn't you've already given me so much help.

Hopefully I will be able to join a group where I am. And hopefully it will help me to get a job and improve my skills in interviews and speaking. I hope I will grow to love it , I think something like Toastmasters would do me the power of good. Anything has to be worth it now , I might even make some friends if I'm lucky.

I will make some inquiries with the local groups here and let you know how I get on

Great. I hope it helps. Toastmasters would probably be better than a dating group (unless you're looking to start a relationship as a goal of a dating group) because no one goes to a Toastmasters group with the goal of getting a date there. No dating pressure, no job interview pressure. Even if you went to a single meeting, introduced yourself and said that you're extremely shy, you might end up in an amazingly supportive group. If it were me all over again, that's the way I would go about it is to tell myself I'm only going to think about going to that one first Toastmaster's meeting and if I hate it, I never have to think about going there again.

There are dues involved, but I'm 100% sure you would not have to pay a single thing to go to a meeting or two and check it out. Dues are only for people that stay in the group on a regular basis.

I wish you all the best!

Thanks Magna , I really appreciate your help with this.

Sorry I didn't explain myself properly. I meant dating is something I want to look at later this year. I'm going to look into Toastmasters because I think that could really help me out with anxiety , communication and my job situation. I hope I will end up in a really supportive group , that would be perfect.

Thanks again.

I'd talk to a doc/psych about the anxiety. You might could get a med prescribed for as needed like benzodiazepines & there's also meds you can take regularly if you feel your anxiety is a real problem. The med Buspar helps my anxiety alot & it's specially for anxiety but meant to be taken daily. It can also be taken with most other psych meds.

One thing that has really helped me is super-preparing. A job interview is a complicated social script. But if you know the script well enough that you can deal with many, many plausible variables, it can help. Try looking for a recent "100 most common interview questions" blog from a mainstream business source and write out answers specific to the job. Keep them short! It's SO easy to get hyperlexic in an interview. Learn some of the coded speech: a big one is "tell us about yourself" means "give us a 1-2 second pitch about why you're prepared for this job", not "tell an actual narrative". It's a lot of work, but better than a panic attack!

And I agree: consider getting a benzo prescription. I remember job interviews pre-Xanax. Not pretty.

These are great suggestions from other commenters. You have at least half a dozen ideas you can try - not all at once, of course!

I would discuss with your doctor a small prescription of a low dose of anxiety meds, stressing that you don't want to get addicted; but for situational things like a job interview, or an airplane flight for those with fear of flying, it makes sense to try it. If you worry about the side effects, a low dose will likely reduce them and might be all you need.

Good luck!