22 Feb 2020, 8:48 am
Its not that I am work shy, but after being prone to partial shutdowns (And when in partial shutdowns trying to prevent full shutdowns) and then burnout... And worse still, the fragile stage one gets to if one tries to push through burnout, I have been puzzling when I was told I will need to start looking for work. Fortunately it is more of a long term plan as I am not ready yet. But this is great, as I had written myself off.
I have realized that due to every burnout I hit, I found myself ending up worse then the burnout before, I came to the stage where I have a real fear that if I hit burnout again I will not be able to walk or drive, so I really am taking this seriously to protect myself. In the past, if my car was off the road, I could get rhe bicycleout or I could walk. It maybe 2 miles to a bus stop which involves a steep climb coming home, but I could do it if needed. But after burnout (Until I can fully recover as it takes ages and ages! Took me well over a year in the past and I wasn't fully there) I found I can't walk that well so walking to a bus stop is out of reach and cycling... Well. I have hardly been able to so I think I have only been out twice and that was after recovering from two burnouts ago... (I was just getting myself back into cycling when I had a job offer which I took and hit burnout again... So I have not been out since that burnout).
So I do want to get my bikes ready and start getting myself back cycling again. For me, when I reach the stage of being right on the bicycle and being able to do distances again (E.g. 30 - 40 mile trips with no shutdown issues), I know that I am ready! (And thrilled too as when I feel ready I am ready!)
Now what is bad and good. Bad at first as I was panicing as I am not yet ready... But very good in how they say it will be done... Is that they will be arranging for me to see a work psycologist (Not a psycologist, but this person does have skills in a different area) where the lady will be hearing the issues I have and then she will be using her expertize to suggest types of work which will avoid the triggers that send me into shutdowns.
I must say that I have already thought of this, but I kept hitting blanks, so if this lady has some practical sollutions and suggestions I want to hear them, as all I have in my thoughts are "This won't work, or that job won't work etc"
They also said that it could be I may not be able to work, but not to worry. It is a long term plan to see if I can work and they can find me something suitable. I am happy with that, because it has lifted me. It gives me hope. It also takes the pressure off me, as when I heard that I am not considered as sick and will eed to look for work, I was going to quit being on benefits because I know I am not yet ready. But now I see that their plan matches my plan. The plan to do something that I am happy at without hitting shutdowns. It almost sounds too good to be true! But if that is possible, "I'm in!" 
So this Universal Credit may have faults (Especially due to payment delays etc), but in other ways the potential for a little help (Where in the past one felt one was rather on ones own) is really what I need. It is such a blessing (I am saying this in theory form as I have not yet experienced the next stages yet) just to know that they are willing to help me at my pace (Which is important as I have hit burnout through forcing myself when I am not ready) so I can really get to pick myself up and back to the place I need to be.
So in these ways and for my circumstances, so far, (As I have had years of no income due to not being ready to work, but not being classed as ill to claim sickness benefits... So to have both the financial help at a wage that is very similar to the last jobs monthly wage (As I could not work more rhen part time work due to the shutdowns so I could not earn much)... For me it is a blessing. But I understand that those who don't live with parents and done have extra payments as they have no children (The child benefits are quite a lot as my brother gets them for his children,and I'm not saying that those with children don't struggle), life can seem impossible.
But just to have a benefits system at all is a miracle. But I will say that once the UK leaves the EU, we do have a chance to sort things out and get our countries prosperity back again. (A weakened pound gives us huge opportunities on an industrial scale. A strong pound may make it easier to import things from abroad, but it makes it soo hard to export).
