HELP PLEASE friends - arguments at work

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Hi,

What do you do if work colleagues WANT to argue with you?

At my office, I work with two colleagues. At the moment there are a lot of changes in the company, big ones, stressful ones, everyone in the organisation is stressed because some people don't know if they have jobs, some jobs are not being carried out properly, basically major confusion...

So i've been going to meetings with no decisions being made and things are not moving and what happens my colleagues in the office talk about this every day, and it's a kind of social protocol that they (and me because they drag me into the conversations) talk about the problems/issues and now general interaction is breaking down between myself and them, but in particular my female colleague, she is very on edge and we're are not getting on. It seems that to get through the day she and my other male colleague TALK OUT the problems and this somehow makes them feel better. In my eyes I don't want to get involved so everytime I converse with them it is POSITIVE and as they're mega stressed and I am NOT, because I am more philosophical-long term this causes friction and makes me having to make a decision on my personality/persona, do I ACT STRESSED, being quiet is not an option to me...

any help much appreciated

k

I went through a similar situation yeasr ago. The department I worked in was in danger of being de-funded and thus closed. It seemed to me that if I treid to find out what was happening, I was accused of being nosey. If I sat back and didn't engage in the tedious dialogues, I was gossiped about behind my back.
Fellow office workers can turn on ya like a rabid animal.
The department was dissolved, after much drama. I was one of those sacked.
Life goes on, found a new career, and so forth.
My advice is to not engage in the arguing, and stick with a philosophical outlook.
These days, it's quite normal to have a long resume.

Try to stay out of the fray and not get involved.

These situations are always difficult. The problem is that the issues higher up trickle down and affect everyone. When ones future and livelihood is at stake emotions start to get involved.

I have been in this situation and the temptation is to say things - don't. They invariably get quoted back at - and used against - you as everyone is trying to pass the buck and project blame/attention elsewhere.

Also, I know that it is easy to say this, but try to be philosophical. Only you can gauge the actual situation in the company and how it will impact upon you, but what will be will be.

If it means hanging on in there to get the redundancy cheque, then do so (whilst starting to identify alternative options). If not, keep you head down and let things run their course.

Kornik

thank you so much for your replies, you've helped me clarify a little what to do. It's so hard when being positive in life during stressful periods is (in my head) surely worth of praise. Maybe even virtuous to people around you (NTs!!) But as an aspie when you're feeling confident it's absolutely essential to try and hang on to it. NTs don't see it this way. Naturally they think i'm weird because I don't fit in and i'm quiet etc. and secondly it alienates me further in their eyes because while they're broadcasting their issues and woes extrovertedly to each other and I sit there and attempt to add some uncommonly wisdom and philsophical small talk.

I want to be careful how I word this but I find it EXTREMELY hard to interact with my female colleague as (from how I see it intellectually) she WANTS continous episodes of how BAD the situation is She repeats the same things over and over, negative things. I think this is a coping mechanism in NTs that as a group they have to agree with each other to a deep level about the severity of the situation they are in, us aspies process the concern independently - come up with a individual outlook and keep it to ourselves, and it's usually philosophical...

Quote from today in the office -

Me "sorry that was meant to be positive not negative"
Colleague "i'm afraid we're only doing negative"

*big sigh*

There's nothing than annoys people wanting to have a good whinge than somebody coming over all cheery. It makes them feel as if they are not being personally validated. It makes it hard though if you don't share their outlook.

Usually if someone in my workplace wants to have a good moan about things, I just commiserate a bit with them but try not to get too involved.