Authority, Emotional Support, Independence

Post Reply New Topic

What I'm about to share is what I wish someone had told me when I was 16. Because it could save your life.

If you are high-functioning, and you were bullied in school, don't feel discouraged. I survived it and you can, too.
Don't turn to food, illegal drugs, self-harm, or violence.

If you made one good friend in school, keep in touch. People remember everything. Good friends are hard to find in the world. Your parents will age just like you and expect you to get on your way.

You are different. Accept it. I read a lot of books to stay busy. I learned how to knit and cook. I found what kinds of exercise worked for me. But I'm also smart and I wanted a career. If that's what you want, here is what you must do. Don't sabotage two decades of your life like I did.

Authority in the real world isn't like it is in school. The classroom environment goes away. Authority in the work world is not as clearly defined. You will have a boss, or two. Understand chain of command. Hierarchy. Don't ever go above your boss' head. Ever.

Your boss is not your best friend. They aren't always going to make fair demands of you. They might, and, if, so, you're in luck. But supervisors and managers in workplaces are not licensed public schoolteachers. They are human beings. And some aren't meant to be in the positions they're in. Most are, but some are not very good at their jobs. If you aren't happy at work, don't talk about it with your coworkers. Find friends, and family (if you're lucky) who will support you and believe in you. I've had therapists and therapists are not a substitute for friends. Not all therapists are good at what they do. You need people who will tell you you're deserving, intelligent, and capable. Your boss might praise you once in awhile, but don't expect it. He or she has their own boss to answer to. You are expected to tow the mark and you might not always get the recognition you (think) you deserve. You might have to pat yourself on the back. A lot.

And if you're really miserable at work, look for something else. Do what you're told in the meantime, and don't get fired or tell people at work that you're unhappy, or worse, looking for something else. Your life is your responsibility. Your parents can't put you in a new school anymore. You have to find a place to fit in.

You might go through a lot of workplaces until you find one that is right. A lot of neurotypical people go from job to job. Four years here, ten years there. It's ok. You might have to go back to school. Be smart with your finances. Fancy cars don't equal happiness and success. Being on time, looking professional, and eating right will pay off in the long run. A designer watch won't put food on the table. It'll tell you only one thing, what hour it is. Plus, designer watch batteries are expensive, and so is jewelry cleaner.

Get out there and work it!

I like your positive attitude.

These two struck me as the most important. I wasted SO MUCH of my life trying to drown out the pain with drugs and alcohol. So much wasted time. And how was I supposed to know that that one friend I had in school would be my last?

You will get more chances. I did. I made some other good friends later on, but they either got married, moved away, or died. Then it will get harder. Midlife is the worst. I had eating disorders as a teen/young adult, not like drug and alcohol addictions, but similarly painful and draining. You can build a life in your twenties and thirties. Don't let anyone tell you how to live your life. I had to move away from home, because I didn't have options.