Still In Recovery

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I had pretty much accepted my limitations after my diagnosis over 20 years ago. I had already experienced a ton of bullying at school and at work.

But I couldn't get disability. And the doctors never said to stop trying to overcome the ASD.

So, finally, after more negative signals, I still fought for my career. My parents encouraged me to do it, too. So did my friends. There was no safety net, though. My dreams finally came true when I was almost 40. I fought tooth and nail to be who I thought I deserved to be, a public school teacher. But it all fell apart.

I'm on disability now, but I'm still hurting inside. I've gone back to school multiple times in my life. I'll never again be the independent woman I had become. All of the years of studying are worthless now. I feel like they'll never matter.
When I was teaching full-time, I felt like I'd finally made it. It was so wonderful. I had my own classroom. I was finally "normal." I had a full life. Responsibility. I was back in graduate school. Then, I lost it all. I still can't believe it's all gone. My classroom. All of the work I put in. I miss what I built.

We live in such a terrible world. No one should have to go through what I went through.

Life is full of opportunities. Many are hidden. One of my coworkers had a brother. He moved to Japan and taught English there. They have companies that provide housing and set it all up. After a few years, he broke away and began his own service mentoring students. I do not think he had to know much Japanese, only English.