I cannot get focused on my job hunt

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Do I really want to find a job?
Do I really want to NOT find a job?
Or is it EF

What does EF stand for?

Also, we cannot read your mind so we do not know the answers to your questions.

EF stands for Executive Function

● Wikipedia - Executive functions
● aane.org - executive functioning explained -

Oh, thanks.

I know what executive function is - I just didn't recognise the acronym for some reason.

I don't think you want to find a job. For what it's worth.

If you did you'd be looking for one.

Unemployment is not a state of affairs which lends itself to sitting on your arse unless you are OK with being unemployed.

Thanks for your feedback.
Assuming that I accept your assessment, the next question is: how to I get motivated for a job hunt, when I am not only feeling unmotivated, but seem to be exhibiting "fight or flight or freeze" behaviors.

Has anyone else ever been this situation? Does this sound familiar? How did you handle it?

This sounds so familiar! This happened to me in my early 20s. How did I handle it? badly.

How would I handle it if I could go back with the wisdom I have today?
- I'd get a therapist sooner - in the cities I've lived in, there are options for if you can't afford to pay full price for a therapist because they're expensive.
- I'd use self-compassion instead of hating myself. Part of this is something you've already referred to, fight/flight and freeze, all the trauma stuff/polyvagal stuff I've learned since then
- I'd understand that I don't have to gaslight away my own feelings
- I'd roll my eyes every time someone says "fake it till you make it" (there's a youtube video on the Ponderful account that addresses this... it's called "fake it till you break")

I see that someone replied saying something like if you wanted it you'd be doing it. That sort of comment may have been well-meaning (this is, after all, an autism forum.. and as far as I can tell, autistic people are generally well-meaning), but that sort of comment is so often used to shame people.

So be careful - I'd interpret it as "get curious about what's going on". Personally, I used to dismiss anything "abnormal" about myself, so I would tell myself I couldn't possibly have been that stressed at my previous jobs, I must have been exaggerating or had a bad attitude. In short, I wasn't curious about what's going on. And because I didn't acknowledge how hard it was for me, I wasn't able to use that information as feedback and figure out something more suitable. Instead, I doubled down on trying to change myself to fit in.

I'm 33 and still don't have the answer, but I'm taking a break and going back to school. I see a therapist through school, and I'm only in 1st semester and already worrying about after.

PS: you also asked about motivation. I don't have an answer for that, but when it comes to motivating myself to do things that will benefit me (like studying or assignments) I find even doing just one pomodoro helps.

For things that you don't want to do (for me, it was get another job as a receptionist, which I was qualified for but dreaded every day of) I'd say you're super normal to not want to do it. But maybe you can find something that suits you better. I know I deliberately chose medical office administration because I wanted to focus on what I wasn't so good at, and become better at it. There was some truth to wanting to work on the things that I struggled with, but forcing myself to make a career of it only led to a deep understanding of why masking is suuuuper detrimental.

I'm learning that 'motivation' is tied to 'feeling' (e.g. I do/don't feel like doing it). Feelings are highly changeable. Even for a neuro-typical. That's why books and music soundtracks have been produced to tackle it.

Apparently 'discipline' is more productive. 'Discipline' basically means 'The rules you live by'. whether you feel like it or not.

You know the type. Up at 5am for a cold shower, 200 pushups, and everything for the day written down.

So first decide if you want to work. If so, that's your goal.

Now get a dedicated notebook and write on the front cover: 'Goal-Employment'.

Open the notebook and start working on the details. What job within what distance, how many hours, etc.

Then do daily tick sheet lists of stuff to accomplish. Start small until you get in the habit.

Do it no matter how you feel (Except sick. Don't push yourself if you feel sick).

Don't listen to me. I've never succeeded either. But if you read this far and you think it COULD work... give it a go and good luck.

I had that problem when I was unemployed. I kept shying away from jobs, not because of laziness but because of lack of confidence and not really knowing what job I wanted to do. I wished someone from the jobcentre could just do the job searching for me and all I'd of had to do was attend interviews. I found looking for work stressful and daunting.
The jobcentre told me that I'd more likely to be chosen by companies if I phoned up or visited in person with my CV to ask if there were any job vacancies. But whenever I tried that, the employer just looked annoyed with me and said that if they were hiring they'd advertise it, so what they were really telling me was "stop wasting our time". And I know that most employers just throw your CV in the bin and take on people they know. Having to look for work with that thought made me feel despondent to the whole job seeking thing. And both my previous job and my current job I had got because I knew someone who worked there.
So, word of advice, don't hold out any hope for any job and only wait for a job opportunity at a company where an employer or employee knows you. Bearing these exceptions in mind:-
1. You have exceptionally good social skills with the right name and face (this doesn't apply to all NTs). You'll get in any job you go for.
2. Jobs that sadly nobody really wants to do unless they're really desperate to pay their bills, for example, looking after elderly people or severely disabled adults. You'll likely to get the job, no matter who you are, sometimes even without an interview, because they're so short-staffed.

I have this problem as well, last paid job ended early 2018, had a brief period of employment from late 2021 until earlier this year, been doing vague amounts of volunteering ever since.

Feel like it boils down to the uncertainty - needing more time to prepare, don't like applying in the morning and suddenly being called for an interview the next day.
Also living in GB it means that I'd have to aim for a line of work or get qualifications that would see me through the current collapse. I don't necessarily need to work for money but the legal standards for minimum wage and guarantees of a living wage either suppress small businesses or would force me to work for a pittance, meaning any chance of me improving my social life and potentially getting married and having kids would be shot.
I'm not so sure about applying for the army for various reasons - fitness requirements, being forced to follow a hideous defence policy, possible military coup (again this is GB) - I know I'm not enough of a serious security threat.
I have some further volunteering coming in the new year and that might open a few doors in the rural sector, so at least if SHTF I might pick up something if I'm lucky but I'll have to wait and see.

Been working with a therapist. Slowly it seems to be helping. I have worked with a lot of therapists in the past. I don't want to just recover old ground. I don't want to "do the same thing and expect different results" (one "definition" of insanity).
I just talked to someone about DBT Group today. I hope I can join and my insurance will pay for it.
I used up my severance pay.
Then I used up my state Unemployment Compensation payments (I live in the USA).
I try to take the well meaning extroverted suggestions like "prepare an elevator speech" as best as I can. Sometimes I just fill with fear.
I am trying not to falsely (or realistically) my faults as an employee or professional.
Up until may I was working as computer professional for good pay. COVID-19 changed everything. Eventually I burned out.
Since then I was diagnosed with lyme by a blood test (3 weeks of heavy antibiotic treatment, a week or two to recover from the cure), then got GOVID-19 (three weeks to get over that).
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a type of talk therapy for people who experience emotions very intensely.
It also includes some interpersonal skills training.

Update.
Started getting more focused and motivated. Got two positions offered and accepted one.
I start on Feb 6, 2023

Last edited by Fenn on 02 Feb 2023, 10:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

Congratulations on the new job. I hope it works out well for you.

Congratulations, Fenn!
That's really great news.

Thanks, Isa!

Thanks, QC!