personal holidays

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october 8, 2025 (yesterday). fifth year work anniversary. congratulations to me. that's the longest i have ever held a job. second longest: five months. while it is not, absolutely, a significant accomplishment, it is my biggest occupational accomplishment.

nobody could take that away from me. precious lil "people" could rape me, physically injure me, take my $$$, whatever. precious lil "people" could outnumber, overpower, outsmart me and do whatever they want to me, legal or illegal. subject to imagination. unlimited. but, NOBODY could change the past. nobody could take that away from me, that i worked @ home depot as lot attendant for over five years. even if they exterminated me, they still could not take that away from me.
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0ctober 19, 2025, according to some articles, i will be the same age as elvis was when he allegedly dropped dead in the litterbox.

health insurance day

"sick hours" payout day

half marathon

(late) old man's birthday, 11/25

10/30, (late) old woman's birthday, and same week, (late) grandmom's birthday

january 3 (the first time i got made redundant from a job)

12/28, the date front end supervisor angela w had the nerve to bark @ me

things like that



nothing to look forward to

plenty of bad things could happen if i make mistakes (and sooner or later i will make a mistake b/c nobody's perfect and i am not good @ anything). and the bad things are immediate, permanent, and drastic.

the best thing that could happen, is that nothing bad happens.

terrified of the future

got no future


constantly terrfied

waiting for the other shoe to drop

Good job making it to five years!

Anxiety can make everything seem so worrisome. I have anxiety myself. But the truth is you can't know the future anyway. It's might be much better than you think or worse. Might as well not worry about it. I know a lady in her 40s who got diagnosed with weird illnesses and kept getting worse and became disabled. She just got kicked out of her rental and is in a shelter now. However I also know a lady who married (for the first time) a rich man in her 40s, had two beautiful babies and now lives in a lavish mansion with servants. The two of them are equal in intelligence and appearance, just different in luck.

Now statistically speaking most of us in our 40s and 50s are likely to be between those two extremes. So, you most likely will have an ordinary life. You can always spice it up by doing more interesting things. But most likely you'll be fine.