Page 1 of 1 [ 11 posts ] 

miss_d_bus
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 16 May 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 13
Location: United Kingdom

19 Oct 2007, 6:06 am

I am interested in finding out if my position is unique. Since my manager only works half of the week, when he is not there, I am left in charge of an autistic lad, having AS myself. I have found this particularly hard. At the moment I have been particularly aware of his annoying habits. He is so clumpsy and he makes me jump when he drops stuff. I am getting so fed up with his childish behaviour where he is possessive over his job role. He goes on about how he will get into trouble if he does something wrong (as if he was 12!). He is 18. He walks over to my desk and farts and walks off. He always invades my personal space. He uses the telephone on speaker phone when I am trying to work. What winds me up is that if he has a little niggle, he runs off to see management and then me and our manager gets it in the neck. They take his side in everything and I am getting fed up with it. I have to struggle with my AS problems too but he gets all the allowances as he acts like a freak. Even I can tell he is not normal and I have AS! I have tried hard to fit into society and be normal and be liked and as such it means often my problems are not noticed as he overshadows me. He undermines me all the time and acts like a little baby and going off crying everytime someone tells him something he does like. Yesterday he put a complaint in about me as I supposedly did some work that was "his job". I really do not know what to do but at this rate I will quit and leave him to struggle running the computer system by himself. I am finding it hard controlling my temper. Please help!!



sinsboldly
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Nov 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,488
Location: Bandon-by-the-Sea, Oregon

19 Oct 2007, 9:08 am

miss_d_bus wrote:
I am interested in finding out if my position is unique. Since my manager only works half of the week, when he is not there, I am left in charge of an autistic lad, having AS myself. I have found this particularly hard. At the moment I have been particularly aware of his annoying habits. He is so clumpsy and he makes me jump when he drops stuff. I am getting so fed up with his childish behaviour where he is possessive over his job role. He goes on about how he will get into trouble if he does something wrong (as if he was 12!). He is 18. He walks over to my desk and farts and walks off. He always invades my personal space. He uses the telephone on speaker phone when I am trying to work. What winds me up is that if he has a little niggle, he runs off to see management and then me and our manager gets it in the neck. They take his side in everything and I am getting fed up with it. I have to struggle with my AS problems too but he gets all the allowances as he acts like a freak. Even I can tell he is not normal and I have AS! I have tried hard to fit into society and be normal and be liked and as such it means often my problems are not noticed as he overshadows me. He undermines me all the time and acts like a little baby and going off crying everytime someone tells him something he does like. Yesterday he put a complaint in about me as I supposedly did some work that was "his job". I really do not know what to do but at this rate I will quit and leave him to struggle running the computer system by himself. I am finding it hard controlling my temper. Please help!!


Of course you know you can not change or modify his behaviour, you can only change yourself. If there is dissonance because of how things are and what you want them to be, you have to modify your attitude towards what he does to annoy you.

you might want to address your jealosy about this person. I think you resent him because you want to be like the NTs around you, and he doesn't. You don't think your ideosyncracies would be humored by the manager and so you try to modify them to be more NT like. He doesn't give a rap about 'fitting in' and actually, THAT is his ticket for annoying you.

so. . . it looks like you are allowing him to bully you and you resent it because . . . identifying as you do as the more NT of you two, he has found your weakness and is exploiting it to drive you nuts.


But this is only myexperience and opinion, and if it doesn't work for you, then don't listen to me.



miss_d_bus
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 16 May 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 13
Location: United Kingdom

19 Oct 2007, 9:39 am

I think there is a part of me who would like to be more ignorant about my problems. He definitely seems quite unaware of what he does and doesn't do. I'm not sure I would use the word jealous as it sounds so strong but perhaps you are right. I do wish I could fall into either of two camps - be so unaware that having AS or any other problem is irrelevant or not having AS in the first place. I definitely do not want to be him though. We work in a school and the students bully him and I see it all the time. I wonder if it is just jealousy over the fact his problems are noticed and mine aren't because I do not act "freaky" enough. I realise that might be insulting to some people but I think some of his behaviour is down to personality rather than AS. I am not sure he would be deliberately being thoughtless because he does not strike me as that intelligent based on what i about his academic abilities. I think he is just being him, which as a by-product is annoying to me!
i have been struggling to get to grips with being at peace with who I am. I got to 24 without knowing what was wrong with me and I hoped being labelled with something would help but it seems to have made it worse!! Having a twin brother who has turned out fine has been a bit part of it and wondering where the heck things went wrong (as far as I am concerned!).
When I next see my therapist, I think this needs to be mentioned!
Thanks for your reply sinsboldly



EvilKimEvil
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Sep 2007
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,671

19 Oct 2007, 10:50 am

well put, sinsboldly. i would work on relaxation. this might help you to tune out the behaviors that bother you. there will be people who annoy you in any workplace. if you continue to have trouble tolerating the situation, you might want to look for a job where you can work alone. i think a preference for working alone is fairly common those with AS, and reasonable. in the end, you have to look out for your own sanity, whatever that entails.
kim



miss_d_bus
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 16 May 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 13
Location: United Kingdom

19 Oct 2007, 11:52 am

The funny thing is, I have never had big issues working with people before! The office is quite small and as such I find him working on the computers behind me all the time so the invading of my personal space is probably making me less tolerant of all the other stuff he does.
I will definitely look out for another job though.
I will enjoy the weekend free from him and give myself a bit of time to "reset" back to my usually laid back ways ready for when I next see him! :)



Silver_Meteor
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Jul 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,399
Location: Warwick, Rhode Island

27 Oct 2007, 12:20 am

miss_d_bus wrote:
I am interested in finding out if my position is unique. Since my manager only works half of the week, when he is not there, I am left in charge of an autistic lad, having AS myself. I have found this particularly hard. At the moment I have been particularly aware of his annoying habits. He is so clumpsy and he makes me jump when he drops stuff. I am getting so fed up with his childish behaviour where he is possessive over his job role. He goes on about how he will get into trouble if he does something wrong (as if he was 12!). He is 18. He walks over to my desk and farts and walks off. He always invades my personal space. He uses the telephone on speaker phone when I am trying to work. What winds me up is that if he has a little niggle, he runs off to see management and then me and our manager gets it in the neck. They take his side in everything and I am getting fed up with it. I have to struggle with my AS problems too but he gets all the allowances as he acts like a freak. Even I can tell he is not normal and I have AS! I have tried hard to fit into society and be normal and be liked and as such it means often my problems are not noticed as he overshadows me. He undermines me all the time and acts like a little baby and going off crying everytime someone tells him something he does like. Yesterday he put a complaint in about me as I supposedly did some work that was "his job". I really do not know what to do but at this rate I will quit and leave him to struggle running the computer system by himself. I am finding it hard controlling my temper. Please help!!


Some of the stuff you describe such as farting and walking off sound like he's doing that on purpose. Just from what you posted on the message board, it almost sounds like he is holding some kind of a grudge against you.

As for invading your space here are some suggestions you could try:

See if you could move to a workspace with a barrier such as a door that you can lock

Modify his work assignments and rearrange his workspace so that he will be constantly working side by side with an assistant. This will serve as a check on him constantly interrupting you all the time.

See if job sharing might be a viable alternative. If he is rotated among various departments he will be less of a burden on one person.

If he constantly makes problems about the assignment, the company might consider rehiring him as an independent contractor(self-employed) rather than having him continue as a formal employee. It might be easier to tailor specific assignments for him as a sub-contractor rather than worry about job duties. It might also be possible to outsource some of the work for him to do at home where he might feel more comfortable.

Hope this helps.


_________________
Not through revolution but by evolution are all things accomplished in permanency.


Silver_Meteor
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Jul 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,399
Location: Warwick, Rhode Island

27 Oct 2007, 12:21 am

miss_d_bus wrote:
I am interested in finding out if my position is unique. Since my manager only works half of the week, when he is not there, I am left in charge of an autistic lad, having AS myself. I have found this particularly hard. At the moment I have been particularly aware of his annoying habits. He is so clumpsy and he makes me jump when he drops stuff. I am getting so fed up with his childish behaviour where he is possessive over his job role. He goes on about how he will get into trouble if he does something wrong (as if he was 12!). He is 18. He walks over to my desk and farts and walks off. He always invades my personal space. He uses the telephone on speaker phone when I am trying to work. What winds me up is that if he has a little niggle, he runs off to see management and then me and our manager gets it in the neck. They take his side in everything and I am getting fed up with it. I have to struggle with my AS problems too but he gets all the allowances as he acts like a freak. Even I can tell he is not normal and I have AS! I have tried hard to fit into society and be normal and be liked and as such it means often my problems are not noticed as he overshadows me. He undermines me all the time and acts like a little baby and going off crying everytime someone tells him something he does like. Yesterday he put a complaint in about me as I supposedly did some work that was "his job". I really do not know what to do but at this rate I will quit and leave him to struggle running the computer system by himself. I am finding it hard controlling my temper. Please help!!


Some of the stuff you describe such as farting and walking off sound like he's doing that on purpose. Just from what you posted on the message board, it almost sounds like he is holding some kind of a grudge against you.

As for invading your space here are some suggestions you could try:

See if you could move to a workspace with a barrier such as a door that you can lock

Modify his work assignments and rearrange his workspace so that he will be constantly working side by side with an assistant. This will serve as a check on him constantly interrupting you all the time.

See if job sharing might be a viable alternative. If he is rotated among various departments he will be less of a burden on one person.

If he constantly makes problems about the assignment, the company might consider rehiring him as an independent contractor(self-employed) rather than having him continue as a formal employee. It might be easier to tailor specific assignments for him as a sub-contractor rather than worry about job duties. It might also be possible to outsource some of the work for him to do at home where he might feel more comfortable.

Hope this helps.


_________________
Not through revolution but by evolution are all things accomplished in permanency.


Silver_Meteor
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Jul 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,399
Location: Warwick, Rhode Island

27 Oct 2007, 12:23 am

miss_d_bus wrote:
I am interested in finding out if my position is unique. Since my manager only works half of the week, when he is not there, I am left in charge of an autistic lad, having AS myself. I have found this particularly hard. At the moment I have been particularly aware of his annoying habits. He is so clumpsy and he makes me jump when he drops stuff. I am getting so fed up with his childish behaviour where he is possessive over his job role. He goes on about how he will get into trouble if he does something wrong (as if he was 12!). He is 18. He walks over to my desk and farts and walks off. He always invades my personal space. He uses the telephone on speaker phone when I am trying to work. What winds me up is that if he has a little niggle, he runs off to see management and then me and our manager gets it in the neck. They take his side in everything and I am getting fed up with it. I have to struggle with my AS problems too but he gets all the allowances as he acts like a freak. Even I can tell he is not normal and I have AS! I have tried hard to fit into society and be normal and be liked and as such it means often my problems are not noticed as he overshadows me. He undermines me all the time and acts like a little baby and going off crying everytime someone tells him something he does like. Yesterday he put a complaint in about me as I supposedly did some work that was "his job". I really do not know what to do but at this rate I will quit and leave him to struggle running the computer system by himself. I am finding it hard controlling my temper. Please help!!


Some of the stuff you describe such as farting and walking off sound like he's doing that on purpose. Just from what you posted on the message board, it almost sounds like he is holding some kind of a grudge against you.

As for invading your space here are some suggestions you could try:

See if you could move to a workspace with a barrier such as a door that you can lock

Modify his work assignments and rearrange his workspace so that he will be constantly working side by side with an assistant. This will serve as a check on him constantly interrupting you all the time.

See if job sharing might be a viable alternative. If he is rotated among various departments he will be less of a burden on one person.

If he constantly makes problems about the assignment, the company might consider rehiring him as an independent contractor(self-employed) rather than having him continue as a formal employee. It might be easier to tailor specific assignments for him as a sub-contractor rather than worry about job duties. It might also be possible to outsource some of the work for him to do at home where he might feel more comfortable.

Hope this helps.


_________________
Not through revolution but by evolution are all things accomplished in permanency.


pandabear
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Aug 2007
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,402

02 Nov 2007, 1:37 pm

I found this for accommodating people with AS

http://www.jan.wvu.edu/media/asperger.pdf

I couldn't find anything for autism though. I'm sorry, but I couldn't help laughing when I read your post. I just can't imagine a colleague farting at you and then running away.



MeshGearFox
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 243
Location: NYC

02 Nov 2007, 3:05 pm

I think you should be a strong professional. (Actually, you already sound like one.) Document these events and your grievances and request a sit-down meeting with your manager and the annoying co-worker. Having AS is no excuse for his behavior. Work something out with management. Maybe his brush with authority can put the fear of God in him. If you are in charge half the week, then be in charge! Be strong. Don't let this cry-baby push you around. So what if he then hates you for putting him in his place? Being accomodating or liked should not be at the cost of your dignity.

I was once faced with a similar situation. I did not communicate my difficulties effectively due to my own issues with authority, so going to management made matters worse. Yes, they took his side because they found his antics amusing. Management prefers to have a clown around. I see no reason to be jealous of foolishness. I quit rather than put up with it. It might make matter worse, but at least you can stick up for yourself, go down fighting, and walk away with some dignity.

People at my work are accomodating -- give me space, leave me alone, etc. But I do try to meet them halfway.



alex
Developer
Developer

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jun 2004
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,216
Location: Beverly Hills, CA

02 Nov 2007, 3:12 pm

what exactly "went wrong" in your life? You have not said anything that would make me think things have gone wrong in your life.


_________________
I'm Alex Plank, the founder of Wrong Planet. Follow me (Alex Plank) on Blue Sky: https://bsky.app/profile/alexplank.bsky.social