Female work colleague fancies me and will not back off

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Morrissey
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29 Nov 2007, 8:46 am

hi

The girl in my office (who already is happy in a relationship) fancies me and is not backing down. We are close in interaction in the office and walk to get lunch together etc. (although today I said no). I am very kind as I am with most people, but she plays mind games all day with me, trying to get a reaction out of me. She KNOWS she is annoying me and I feel helpless and bullied in a way because i'm having to REALLY focus on articulating myself accurately, I am being passive with hope that she will end her persistance, inside I want to explode with negativity but I think i'm in a catch 22 here :(

She also knows that I relate with Aspergers as we've had discussions about this (although i am self-diagnosed) but she doesn't seem to care about that, such a surreal situation as it appears she wants a fling or somethin, but i'm not interested, I am emotionally...well repressed and screwed up anyway!

I feel as if i'm being treated really unfairly and I don't know how to act or what to say to her because EVERYTHING I do is misread and secondly she uses her psychology skills and plays on my vulnerable side, i'm like a little game to her :(

This whole thing happens to me at my badminton club too with another girl, and the only way I remember how I defend myself is to use the same speech template with her also.

Advice please, how do you tell girls you're not interested?



alex
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29 Nov 2007, 9:08 am

"i'm not intersted. Please stop bothering me."

if she continues after that, it's sexual harassment.


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Last edited by alex on 29 Nov 2007, 9:10 am, edited 1 time in total.

Tim_Tex
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29 Nov 2007, 9:09 am

What Alex said.

Tim


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Morrissey
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29 Nov 2007, 9:37 am

thanks, I think she's testing how compassionate am I, but if she actually LISTENS to what i'm saying about Aspergers she'll understand why I am putting up her teasing. It's like a no win situation though because if I tell her to stop, it will come out like an explosion and I will feel like i'm adding fuel to the situation

I'll hang in there for a while but you're right if it continues then i'll have to be brave enough to speak up.

thank you gents



Anubis
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29 Nov 2007, 10:41 am

Just go for it, and enjoy teh rape from her.


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crazyllama
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29 Nov 2007, 11:52 am

When you're in a group with her at the office...perhaps lunch...say something offhanded like, "I think its despicable that someone would cheat on their husband or wife."

That should give her the hint.



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29 Nov 2007, 12:29 pm

Consider this quote from Zorba the Greek says: "God has a very big heart, but there is one sin he will not forgive: if a woman calls a man to her bed and he will not go." :wink:



BlueMax
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29 Nov 2007, 12:36 pm

Not everyone thinks with their willy, you know! :?

If you don't want her "attention" you have to say so. Politely, but firmly. Some variation of:

"I'm not interested in you that way - please stop hitting on me, I don't like it."

(I had to common-ize the language that would be used by typical helpful handouts and learned leaflets!) ;)



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29 Nov 2007, 2:09 pm

I have one coworker who's a bit like that. He doesn't cross the line, but will come right up to it. I told him if he keeps saying things like that all that would happen is I would not want to talk to him, and would avoid him.
He got the point, and we're cool.

Try something like that, tell her that if she wants to keep spending time with you she needs to quit, because she's just making you want to aviod her.

If all esle fails, there's always the sexual harrassment charges.



AnonymousAnonymous
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29 Nov 2007, 10:51 pm

I second what Alex said and Tim agrees on.


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maritimeblaze17
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30 Nov 2007, 11:47 am

That's the best advice that I have. You're a male and she's a woman. Sexual harassment laws are biased in favor of women. That is, no matter what you do, the dynamics are against you here. I'd avoid her and be civil to her and leave at that.



Kitsy
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30 Nov 2007, 11:33 pm

Morrissey wrote:
thanks, I think she's testing how compassionate am I, but if she actually LISTENS to what i'm saying about Aspergers she'll understand why I am putting up her teasing. It's like a no win situation though because if I tell her to stop, it will come out like an explosion and I will feel like i'm adding fuel to the situation

I'll hang in there for a while but you're right if it continues then i'll have to be brave enough to speak up.

thank you gents


I've had situations where I had to talk about aspergers when someone was making remarks about me not responding in the so called correct manner and then they would say, No, I don't think you have anything wrong with you, you just act that way to keep people away from you. :roll:

I don't think she will listen to what you have to say about your neurological difference.


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taxman
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01 Dec 2007, 3:00 pm

I've had a similar experience, although not to that level---they weren't interested in me romantically, but they were really overbearing and wouldn't respect my need to be left alone.
In my case I got lucky--that job had a lot of people transferring and she eventually went someplace else.

I would try to avoid the person if that's possible. If not, maybe if you say "no" enough times they'll move on to someone else.



lonelyLady
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01 Dec 2007, 11:42 pm

Have you considered talking to your supervisor? Maybe you could ask to be transferred to another unit or something? Or to avoid having to work with her together? Another thing you can try is to tell her that you have a serious girlfriend who is a jealous psycho who will cut her throat if she finds out she's hitting on you. There are certain people who simply don't understand the word "no." I had to deal with them too--though in my case they were men. The key is persistence, persistence, and show NO affection, no kindness, no friendliness toward her. It's the only way.


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Stewie
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02 Dec 2007, 2:36 am

Morrissey wrote:
Advice please, how do you tell girls you're not interested?

I'm sorry, but it's kind of tough to have sympathy for someone who is fighting off girls left and right! :)