I can relate to others here who have difficulty finding work. Sending in countless applications only to be rejected (in other words, the old, "dont call me I'll call you" rhetoric) is wearing me down. At every interview (and they are few and far between since I lack work experience... yeah, agoraphobia does that) I ruin my chances. I get fidgety, clammy, anxious, and sort of "freeze". I can't make eye contact either, and I know this is frowned up- but no matter how hard I try to change, It's completely involuntary. Basically, they make the assumption that I'm on drugs. Or just "weird".
However the worst experience is finding a job, only to ruin that as well. I worked for a supermarket as a combo clerk (read: slave) which was, in retrospect, the worst ten months of my entire life. I initially told my supervisors- nay, pleaded with them, to keep my schedule and duties consistent. I told them I had difficulty coping with change. No one listens. One day I would work 3pm to midnight, and the next day I would be scheduled 10am-7pm. What's more, I never had the same days off. To add insult to injury, it was the worst possible environment for me. I was constantly interrupted, verbally abused by customers every day, reprimanded for being a perfectionish (I actually enjoyed tasks such as cleaning the meat dept and detailing the registers, and begged my manager to let me clean the deli kitchen and various other projects), oh, and constantly- I was being told to "greet the customer!" and "engage the customer!"
First of all, nobody wants the baggers to talk to them. Second of all, I have no idea what "engaging" entails. Third, greet them? If some random person came up to me and "greeted" me, I'd be freaked out. Fourth- I don't do social niceties. I don't "get" it, and when I try to do it (usually imitating others), it ends up coming out sounding forced and bizarre. Of course, I even had to hear about it from indignant customers, who would say things such as "you should smile!" or tell me I'm rude. I wasn't. I'm scanning your crap aren't I? Every day this sort of nonsense was shoved down my throat. Only one of my managers (we're actually good friends now, believe it or not) "got it" and never pushed the issue, and tried giving me a task in the back away from the front of the store whenever possible. Of course he (intelligently) quit.
Eventually the erratic schedule and social anxiety seriously impeded my performance. (Initially I was given a lot of praise for working exceptionally hard.) Oh, and my (physical) health failed, and I had a series of nervous breakdowns. My hours ended up being cut down to 20 hours a week, and since I couldn't make my rent or buy food, I quit and moved back in with my parents.
My job search has been futile.
Looking back, I wonder if it would have made a difference if I had disclosed that I have AS. Maybe then they would have realized that my requests weren't because I'm some sort of primadonna. To be honest it makes me angry. I went home in tears every night. I hate that mediocre co-workers who slacked off constantly and didnt even care about the quality of their work were favored over me, and that every time I tried to transfer departments when there were opening (night crew, meat dept, etc) I was given a big fat "no".
In the future, from preventing this traumatic experience (my therapist and family are sick and tired about me ranting about the Supermarket of Horrors, I just know it) from happening again, should I disclose this part of my personality? (I refuse to call it a disease) Asking for a consistent schedule is NOT that unreasonable. Being pressured to make a fool out of myself infront of people is unfair and cruel, IMO. I just want a job, where I go there JUST to do work, and do the same work every day. Some people find it monotonous, I like it.
Oh, and btw, I am going back to college this spring after a four year hiatus. I now have a game plan for getting through it. However I'm going crazy sitting at home and having no routine.
Your thoughts?
And, should I disclose this information, how do I go about doing it? I don't want to stomp in and yell it in their face, and I don't know when is the appropriate time to bring it up.
EDIT: Oh, and what are some recommended jobs? I'm looking for something which does NOT entail too much socializing (I'm actually okay around co-workers, since I eventually adjust to them) and repetitious work. I really have no interest in chatting up customers. Blech.
10 Nov 2007, 2:35 am
