I'm Uncomfortable with you: you're fired.

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iamnotaparakeet
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14 Dec 2007, 11:15 pm

Why can anyone be fired on the basis of whether people feel comfortable with them or not? Why do people's feelings matter above anyones wellbeing? Should people's lives depend on how others feel about them? Have you ever heard of anyone being fired because their coworkers didn't like them? To me this would seem like loosing a job for no reason at all. I care about other people's feelings, don't get me wrong, but life is more important than feelings and money is necessary to live nowadays and a job is necessary for money, so why should a job be lost based on feelings?



preludeman
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14 Dec 2007, 11:26 pm

It really depends "if" you are doing things that upset people. As for people they can do things to "make you want to leave" this is harrassment. Some people are just "weird" about things at work and life in general.


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MysteryFan3
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14 Dec 2007, 11:32 pm

If they're treating you like that and/or telling you that kind of stuff, then they don't deserve you. Get out asap. You're working for losers. Yes, finding a new job is REALLY stressful, but in the long term putting up with abuse is a lot more stressful.

Any chance your manager would help you move to a better spot in the company as a way to get rid of you? Win-win.


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riverotter
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14 Dec 2007, 11:33 pm

Iamnotaparakeet, were you present when my husband got fired from his job of twenty years? You describe the scenario perfectly.
I understand that he can be a difficult person, and a difficult person to like, but he is a hard worker and seems to do a good job at anything he attempts.
People want a good-old-boy, frat boy, back-slapping buddy at work, and he will never be that. Want honesty and an old-fashioned work ethic? He is your man.
Well, no, he is MY man...but we are discussing work here.



Soopervilin
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15 Dec 2007, 12:23 am

I've had a few experiences like that. I was at my first job as a busboy/dishwasher for a small local restaurant for about a year. Managers tried to get me on their shift because I did everything I was supposed to better than any of the others, and I could do alone what took three "regular" people. Aside from that, nobody talked to me, which was perfectly fine with me. Eventually I was moved to the back to wash the big cooking pots and pans, but had an allergic reaction to the particular soap they used, and ended up in the emergency room. Long story longer, I couldn't handle washing dishes in the back, but nobody wanted to work with me up front because I wasn't sociable enough, so they "let me go." I didn't quit, I wasn't fired, but instead I was just let go.

Another time I started work at a KFC. I was there a day with no problems (that I perceived), but when I went in to work again, I found I'd been let go because I didn't seem very friendly to my coworkers. They didn't even file the paperwork that I'd spent a couple hours filling out, and paid me in cash for the one day I was there.

Apparently social skills are more important to the standard place of employment than actual work ability. What I find ironic is that not long after I left the first job, the board of health shut them down until they could clean up again.



TheRani
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15 Dec 2007, 12:54 am

I've had two jobs so far where they didn't keep me past the temporary training period and wouldn't even tell me why they didn't want to keep me! It really made me upset. To this day, I have no clue what it was exactly that I did wrong at either of those jobs. Even though I have a much better job now, I still often wonder about it. I like to learn from my mistakes, and I consider denying someone the opportunity to do such an important thing to be a grave injustice! Of course, when I tell other people where they went wrong and how they can do better next time, they don't always see it that way... :shrug:


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Silver_Meteor
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15 Dec 2007, 1:05 am

iamnotaparakeet wrote:
Why can anyone be fired on the basis of whether people feel comfortable with them or not? Why do people's feelings matter above anyones wellbeing? Should people's lives depend on how others feel about them? Have you ever heard of anyone being fired because their coworkers didn't like them? To me this would seem like loosing a job for no reason at all. I care about other people's feelings, don't get me wrong, but life is more important than feelings and money is necessary to live nowadays and a job is necessary for money, so why should a job be lost based on feelings?


You mean being fired because of personality conflicts or not being accepted by coworkers? Yes. It's one of the most common reasons for people being terminated. Everybody probably gets knocked on the head but Aspies really get it in the neck with this compared to NTs which is why I make it my top priority to be able to get along with other coworkers.


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mikebw
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15 Dec 2007, 1:55 am

iamnotaparakeet wrote:
Why can anyone be fired on the basis of whether people feel comfortable with them or not? Why do people's feelings matter above anyones wellbeing? Should people's lives depend on how others feel about them? Have you ever heard of anyone being fired because their coworkers didn't like them? To me this would seem like loosing a job for no reason at all. I care about other people's feelings, don't get me wrong, but life is more important than feelings and money is necessary to live nowadays and a job is necessary for money, so why should a job be lost based on feelings?


Well, a job shouldn't be gained or lost based on feelings, it should be gained or lost based on performance. Of course, people's feelings influence their performance. And we all(humans) have an influence on other's feelings.

The job however owes you nothing. It has exactly 0 obligation to provide you with a job. Unless or until, the government or some other powerful body removes a job's freedom to hire and sack those it wishes at it's own discretion, you'll just have to deal with it.



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15 Dec 2007, 2:09 am

Silver_Meteor wrote:
Everybody probably gets knocked on the head but Aspies really get it in the neck with this compared to NTs which is why I make it my top priority to be able to get along with other coworkers.

Good call! Social skills are indispensable in order for a person to be successful in the workplace. It's not fair, and puts aspies at a huge disadvantage, but there it is. We, as aspies, just have to work with it and play the hands we've been dealt.

What I don't get is when many people on this board can clearly read the writing on the wall when it comes to how essential workplace social skills are, and yet choose to do nothing about it and complain when they are inevitably isolated and ousted at work. Play the game, as fake and ludicrous as it is, just play the game!



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15 Dec 2007, 9:31 am

But what of those who can't do stuff like drinkies out of work time because we are allergic to alcohol in more than small quantities or because we have a life outside of work?

I agree we should try and be pleasant to our co-workers but if they are being rude and unfriendly first, I don't think we are obliged to be any more than just civil to them.


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riverotter
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15 Dec 2007, 12:21 pm

Kwiksnax wrote:
What I don't get is when many people on this board can clearly read the writing on the wall when it comes to how essential workplace social skills are, and yet choose to do nothing about it and complain when they are inevitably isolated and ousted at work. Play the game, as fake and ludicrous as it is, just play the game!

I agree with you only in part. Yes, it is important to play the game... yet, now I am having softball and basketball flashbacks. Not everyone is good at the game! Some of us can't catch the conversational ball, or get hit in the face with it.
Pandora, get yourself a diet cola or a spritzer with lime in it if you can tolerate either of those, stay for one, and then make a polite exit. Of course this advice is from the person who answered coworkers yesterday who asked me if I was going to the party after work, "Oh, parties are always more fun without me."



MeshGearFox
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15 Dec 2007, 1:33 pm

riverotter wrote:
People want a good-old-boy, frat boy, back-slapping buddy at work, and he will never be that. Want honesty and an old-fashioned work ethic? He is your man.


That's my "boss." If it were up to him, I would have been fired by now for not being his buddy. Yesterday, he spent about an hour and a half laughing it up with other co-workers while I stayed at my desk working. I prefer to stay at my desk. Yet he could not help making personal insulting comments about me and mock my work ethic. He is not the first manager who has done this to me. I always think it must trash productivity if as a manager you set this kind of example, but it must be common. I guess the fake projection of authority is more important than productivity. When he complains about me, he actually needs to be reminded by his higher ups: "This guy is your most productive and valuable worker! You're not going to replace him."

We need to seperate getting along with your co-workers from "playing the game." I am always respectful, honest and helpful to my co-workers. I never say one bad word about anyone, yet I always run into trouble for taking my job seriously. I refuse to be this guy's "buddy" for the sake of employment because part of that requires participating or approving of his demeaning, insulting activities. Part of it can be social difficulties, but it can also be holding onto some ethics, integrity and dignity.

It's really bad among men: tying self-worth and the hunter-gatherer mentality to their careers. My most pleasant work experience was an office dominated by women, but that didn't pay. My last 2 jobs were stressful and annoying, usually due to the testosterone level. On both jobs, men have talked about "settling things in the parking lot" to me because I'm too damn independent and feel my work speaks for itself. It's ridiculous. They're obviously threathen by my good work. But that's all it is -- talk, talk, talk. You should see how these guys cower when they think their job is threatened.



zee
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15 Dec 2007, 3:42 pm

Yes, yes and yes! It's happened to me a number of times.
Mysteryfan is right, it's not worth it to work for losers. It's THEIR LOSS, not yours.
One thing I've noticed in 'troubled' workplaces--of which there are plenty--a sort of heirarchy is formed and there's always at least one person who becomes a scapegoat for the negativatey. If you are different or aloof, you are very likely to end up in this position. Don't take it personally! Just keep looking for a better job. (Places with a small worker population are more likely to have the 'village gossip' mentality that you want to avoid!)



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15 Dec 2007, 10:08 pm

I agree that it's stupid. But you gotta find ways around it. Temple Grandin, an incredibly successful aspie, was working one of her first jobs on a paper. She got a new boss who thought she was weird and was going to fire. In responce, Temple met with a coworker and put together a portfolio. They showed it to her boss. Since her work was exceptional, she not only kept her job but got a raise. She says that if you have distinct social problems, your work needs to be above average to balance it out.
I read this in a book she co-wrote with Sean Barron, Unwritten Rules of Social Relatonships.

In my one work experience, I was told in the exit interview that I was a little creepy, and a little antisocial. Not too too bad though. However, I was a determined worker once I came to understand what needed to be done.



Abangyarudo
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15 Dec 2007, 10:22 pm

if my job could do that they would have long time ago.



iamnotaparakeet
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15 Dec 2007, 11:28 pm

Would it be true that if an employer wanted to get rid of you for an illegal reason, they would try making up excuses about anything they could?