Stupid People

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My geeky aspy husband's favorite people to work with are techy aspy types. Together they get into the zone, forget about eating and sleeping, just working on a project, forgetting to come up for air.

However, my husband says that two of his favorite people to work with had to quit because they were so blunt with other employees, like saying, "Your idea is really stupid" for instance. This made most of the other employees mad and they wanted those blunt employees gone, so off they went. Too bad for the company because they were really good in their fields.

I talked to some other guys who said that they had the same stories, the blunt but genius techy guys got the boot for being too verbally offensive.

I have a fantasy of pulling together all thise high tech social misfits and call our company the Stupid Corporation where you have to greet everyone with "Wow, you're sure stupid!" That way the NTs won't be offended. They will just think it's company policy to call smart people stupid.

As for me, I have a thin skin because I'm insecure and worry that I'm not doing anything right so a blunt person could hurt my feelings but addressing the problem of personalities and bluntness would bring understand and appreciation for each other. It's all about not being so defensive about everything.

I've always had similar problems at work. I try to be polite instead of being blunt, but I still end up using the wrong tone and offending people.

For example, in response to criticism, I'll say, "Oh, sorry. No one told me I was supposed to do that." I mean it in a nice way, but it comes out sounding sarcastic and whiney, so I get in trouble. I wish I could actually make a living working for myself, by myself.

Oh my... let me know if you do this. I've always ended up changing jobs because of just this. I finally get fed up with folks and can't keep my darn mouth shut any longer. Well me being me, this normally only takes about a microsecond. hehe

It's just that everyone finally gets fed up with it after a couple of years and they've come to feel that the new standard I've imposed will remain if they get rid of my rude and uncouth ways.

One of the favourites at my work is when our CEO finished talking through an idea and asked well, what do you think of that...

I stood up and said...

"well, with all due respect, I think that idea is probably the stupidest one I've heard in my entire working career. It's up there with other greats like - hey, let's fill the the hindenburg with the most explosive gas we can find".

It was followed by dead silence and some pretty shocked looks.

Luckily, the CEO had a very good sense of humour.

Management usually has a tough time with stupidity, whether self-generated, or managing it.
Usually references to stupidity should be 'taken offline'. Embarrassing or annoying managers in meetings can get you fired (I should know..

Stupidity is the one resource we'll never run out of...

Yup.

Being blunt is one thing, though flat-out rudeness and disrespect is not conducive to an efficient workplace.

"Most people are unable to write because they are unable to think, and they are unable to think because they congenitally lack the equipment to do so, just as they congenitally lack the equipment to fly over the moon." -- H.L. Mencken

I think the use of the word "Stupid" could be a major problem because of what it means and how it is used...

To the people like your husband OregonBecky, saying an idea is stupid might be okay because it is being used as not only a critique of an idea/action, but also to convey the idea that there are better ways to do this.

To other people, saying an idea or comment is stupid becomes a personal slight... "If my idea is stupid, then they must think I am stupid too!"... or something to that effect.

It's like when I use the word "Ignorant". I use it as it is defined by the dictionary, but I think too many people take it as a personal attack when I tell them they are ignorant.

By definition, Stupid is a remark about someone's intelligence.
I do think there are better descriptive words to use than that.

I think all too often aspies don't realize that there are more diplomatic word choices than "stupid." I think, though, that so much brain power is going to waste because so many aspies aren't naturally diplomatic. My husband actually prefers bluntness because when something is nuanced, sometimes he doesn't quite understand what they're trying to say.

I think I could run interference in a company full of aspies and NT's. I'd just explain that no meanness was intended and everybody kiss and make up, so to speak.

I think Aspies may just have a talent for making statements that cut to the bone. Maybe NTs have a better "mental filter" that allows them to screen their statements for diplomacy and tact before saying them.

I can't count the times I said something I thought was completely innocuous and every jaw in the room dropped in horror.

Since I'm the one being discussed by Becky, I might as well chip in with my own words about this. In fact, it was fun trying to explain this to her before writing. Got me all fired up.

Let me start by talking about a different difficulty (deficit) I have. When I'm trying to form sentences, I have a very difficult time selecting the right word for its connotations. English doesn't come naturally and I usually imagine in pictures and then fight with myself to find the words to express them better. This usually means making sentences, running them back through my mind internally to develop new images from them, comparing those, then repeating the process until I feel it's "good enough." But picking out a word from the nuanced images I have in mind, a word that carries those nuances closely, is not easy for me.

Some folks, and Tony Randall (who is dead now, but was a movie and TV actor) is on the opposite extreme here, are able to take an idea or concept and immediately find the word, phrase, or idiom that reflects that idea well or else is diametrically opposed to it almost as though they were some kind of computer. Their "lookup" capability is quick and it doesn't interfere with their day-in and day-out speaking tasks.

For me, it's a constant problem I fight and only ever so slowly seem to get better at.

Okay. So I struggle to speak. What happens when I listen?

Well, I form images with logical boundaries from them. If someone says, "Go buy me some rice," I imagine the entire set of all possible things qualifying as "rice" and include it. When I go to buy "some," I will usually pick something attractive to me at the time, knowing that the sentence didn't discriminate further. I might decide on price, or on appearances. For example, I might decide, "Wow! Some really special red rice I haven't seen before. And it's on sale, too!" And buy it, fully thinking that I will be lauded when I get back for being so imaginative and getting a good bargain for something fun to try out. Of course, when I get back, I get yelled at for not knowing that "most people would know, idiot, that when I say 'rice' I mean 'white rice.' And while I'm at it, why in the heck did you buy 50 LBS of the stuff!! ! I said 'some,' dolt. Don't you know what 'some' means?!"

Oh, well.

I actually feel kind of abused, a bit, when people expect me to have to figure out what they mean because they don't want to waste their time with extra words to make their meaning clearer to me. I sit there, struggling, trying to guess which of a dozen different possibilities (and usually many more than that) I should choose among. And nothing inside me keeps track of all the usual assumptions that others seem to have little problem maintaining and applying. Perhaps it is poor memory of my own life's experiences. Perhaps something else. But I sit there without a clue about which way to go. And, because I know that no matter which one I pick it will quite probably NOT be the right one, I also know that I will be wrong and will be chastized for being an idiot about it, too. So why start? I might as well take the abuse right away and be done with it.

So I usually ask for all the tiny details. I start pestering folks with, "Is that white rice you want?" And get told, "Yes! And it was the last week when you asked. And the time before that, too. Why do you keep asking? Are you daft?" I guess I am. So I just ask the next question and get abuse for that, too. And the next. Because if I don't, I'll just get abuse for the wrong decisions, too. And worse, action will have taken place and probably need unwinding. So even more abuse and work. Better to just accept the verbal abuse and get the details right and go on with life.

Jon

Ooh, that's a classic! I haven't been that fast thinking or quite as daring but did walk out of a team meeting after saying "this is ridiculous!" once. This man who was our stand-in boss kept pushing a silly and totally impractical idea and wouldn't listen to any of us who were actually experienced in doing the job and because I had years of experience and knew it wouldn't work, I got rather miffed.

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits" -Einstein

(They say he was an aspie...)